"Sometimes we're afraid to talk about our most important dreams because they seem out of reach." That's what my therapist told me the first time I went to her. "Perhaps that's why we don't always seem to remember our dreams. Our mind thinks they're too far-fetched, when they are always just around the corner, waiting for us to catch up to them."
She always seemed to talk in riddles. That's why I didn't like her much. She was always one of those happy-go-lucky people that want to "get to the root of the problem". Why go through all that history if you only want to get rid of the weed? Why not just leave the roots and pluck off the leaves one-by-one? It'll basically do the same thing. It will appear as if the problem is gone, but you will always have the risk that it will spread to another spot.
I think she is happy all the time, because she is hiding something herself. She doesn't want everyone to see that she is upset. If she can't tell someone her problems, then why should I have to? I doubt she even thought about that. She probably thinks the world needs her to be happy, so the rest of us don't look all that horrible and, I mean, honestly, who wants to see a depressed therapist?
It's not like she can help me through everything. All she can do is sit there after I've already blown up, after I've done something stupid, after I've tricked myself into thinking that everything is fine and say that it'll all be okay and that it's okay to show emotion, but that I have to work on restraining it at times or try to show it in a different way. It's not my fault I was born with a horrible temper. Blame my ancestors. It's all their fault I'm the way I am.
She's always trying to get me to act rationally. She goes on forever, questioning me with rhetorical questions that she hopes will get me thinking and then stares at me like she actually wants an answer. Like I could give her the answer she that she wants to hear… If I knew the answers to her questions, I wouldn't be in these situations, now would I? (Sorry, rhetorical question…)
I don't know what she expects form me anyway. It's not like I'm going to change who I am, just because she wants me to. Maybe if she tried to change herself then I would give it a shot. Haha. Like that'd ever happen…
She always tries to take everything that I say and twist it all around for her purposes. Who really cares what I dreamed about last night? It doesn't relate to anything we're talking about anyway. She likes to think that I'm a giant jigsaw puzzle that just needs to be put back together. Only, she says that every time she turns around to find the last piece, she turns back to find that another one is missing. Then she says that after I leave, she loses all the pieces again, because by the time she sees me again, the pieces don't fit into the same spots again.
I want to tell her just to forget about trying to "cure" me, but I don't want to break her heart. She seems so set on helping me, but I know that in the end, I'm just going to hurt her like everyone else I've ever met in this lifetime. They all end up getting hurt after meeting me. Every last one of them. And it's all been my fault. You can't deter me from that fact. I've tried telling her that, but she tells me that I'm wrong.
One day, I'll prove it to her. I don't want to have to prove it to her, but I will. It's what I always do. It's not like I can help it. It's just how I am.
So that's it. When I originally started this piece, I was upset and I had big plans to make this into a huge novelette, but this is what I have. I only recently added the last part to finish it in a way. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are definitely welcome, but all I can suggest to you as a reader, is not to take everything as it looks. Not everything is as it appears to be at eye-level. You know what to do...