And Still

It was casual
Such as a subtle shift of eye
And I shrunk
I became small so small
Felt the creases on the floor
Saw the dark underbelly of the room
It made me nauseous
At the eye of the top I watched as everyone spun
And I was sick to the pit of my stomach
So sick I grew fitful
So fitful I grew huge in the wealth of my own rage
Towered over you and the structure of us
So tall I watched the yarn of time and pain
Unravel us to these spots on this floor
I went though all this and more
And when I came to within myself
I was still

And one time it wasn't even the words but the tone
But those tones echoed inside me
Like stones sunk to my ankles and weighted me down
Like ripples got bigger
And pushed me to concede
Because these tones had become a cacophony inside me
I opened my mouth to let them out
Bleed me of this infestation
I let out a guttural gesticulations
Grotesque and brilliant
Brilliant operatic pitches
The kind that shatter glass
Shattered glass until my glass house lay in shards
At my feet
And I was naked and exposed
The cuts on my feet bled red rivers
Fire and ice
In sweat and chills the fever left me

And I returned to time and place
Only to find
No one had noticed
Conversation gone on
Moved on
Changed course
A whole room of people
A social ship
One rudder
One shift
And I fallen from the side
Drowning in other's ignorance
Muddy waters
Through which I look to the surface
Ship sailing
On lofty white winds

And then there was the glare meant to cut me
Cut loose something inside with those eyes
Left me clanging loose change
Against the cheap tin of my sides
I danced inside
Pirouettes and arabesques
Stood on the tips of my toes to prove
A point
Danced entranced, shook, convulsed
Until I sweat
Every pore open to expel the chaos within
Danced until my bones broke
From bearing weight
And I shifted shape
Shape shifted
Changed shape
Hunch back
Wild cat
Because of you
And still
When I returned
It hadn't changed
A thing.