Dreams

Dancing in the rain and running through the creeks. Hopscotch with my friends and jump rope outside. Tall roller coasters running at very fast speeds and rolling down the grassy hills laughing. Having a boyfriend that really cares when I am really allowed to date. Having a mother that doesn't drink only holidays. Getting the best grades in my classes and always being the best. Playing my cello with grace and poise without messing up and singing beautifully when in front of an audience would be nice things to do. Smiling one day that I am depressed because everyone else has to. Keeping in my pain rather than wearing it like a badge on my jacket. Keeping my mouth shut when I have an unkind thing to say. All of these things are some of my dreams.

I get my dreams from the mistakes that I've made and the things I never used to have. I need to feel loved and I need to feel longed for all of the times that I was forgotten. I need to feel adventure for all the times that I was bored and trapped. I need to feel speed for the times I was slowed down. I need to feel height for the times that I was low to the ground. I need to have fun and lots of laughs for all the times that I cried. I need to be the best or dream of it, because I was never good enough. I need to think of keeping quiet for all of the times that I talked. It is my dreams that motivate me to move on today. They come from everything that I never had and always wanted. They come from my brain and my shattered heart. They are the things that God gave me to keep me hoping. As a matter of fact, my dreams are my hope. They are my determination and the reason I don't give up. And some of them come true. They keep me working assiduously to make sure they come true. And with the amount that I've lost, it's important to have them by my side.