Memoirs of a Technologically Challenged Feline
As Told by Calico Katie II
(with help from StrixAluco)
I just don't understand what this world is coming to.
Honestly, things used to be so wonderful. Used to be I was the ruler of the household. The one and only 'pet'.
It's all being taken over. Invaded. Slowly destroyed by other furry creatures.
First there was Bear. What fools want to keep a dog in the house? Idiots! My people seem to think he's cute. He's a beast! Drools all the time, sheds like mad (much worse than me, honest!), and breaks things. Stinky, too. Cannot stand him.
Bear wasn't so bad...tolerable, at least. But then...
Ginny came along.
Ginny. Hellspawn. Ginny the Homicidal Maniac.
What kitten wants to earn a title like that? I certainly worked hard to get a RESPECTABLE title.
...what's my title? Oh! How silly of me, ranting on and on while you wonder who's speaking.
Katie's the name. To be completely accurate, I'm Calico Katie II, Guardian of the Underworld, and Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe. No, I don't know who the Calico Katie before me was; what am I, all-knowing?
(Cough) I'm a cat, by the way.
Pleased to meet you. I'd shake hands but, alas, I have paws.
Paws are terribly annoying, you know. Very difficult for even the simplest things. Can't open doors, can't get at treats without clawing and chewing your way through the bag, can't pick Bear or Ginny up and throw either of them across the room. Can't type very well, either.
THAT is why I have decided to record my memoirs. Video cameras are far easier to manage. Gotta love them for that. Very friendly to all species.
...if you're reading this I've been published. Yay! I'm sure I am celebrating at this very moment.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh, yes. Memoirs.
Um, well. I'm Calico Katie II, Guardian of the Underworld, etc. and...these are my memoirs.