Abortion! Use the Common to advocate a woman's right to choose – GAY MARRIAGE! Spread the word that homosexuals deserve the same rights as heterosexuals! Yes, those two hot-button issues were the ones I felt most passionate about, but as I began to think more rationally, I realized that the Boston Common would not be the best place to spread those messages. It was located in such a liberal area, how much difference would those messages really make? If I was going to use the Boston Common, I needed to use it to spread a message concerning something much more universal.
I slammed a fist down into my open palm. "PUBLIC BATHROOM COURTESY." Perfect! All throughout high school I had been tormented by less than satisfactory bathroom etiquette on the part of my peers. And on vacations? Forget about it! It was about time someone spread the message!
One week later, there I was. I set up a small stage and a top of the line microphone that could project my voice throughout the fifty acres of the Common. Next to me was a shining, spotless toilet seat.
"I am here to bring you, the good people of the Boston Common, a message on public bathroom courtesy!" Those words alone drew a small crowd to the front of my stage; a crowd that consisted mostly of young women. "People …how hard is it to keep a bathroom clean? Look at the one in your own home. I doubt it is as vile as the ones found in restaurants and schools! But why should these bathrooms be any different? If anything, we have an even higher responsibility to keep public bathrooms clean! When it comes to a public bathroom, we are thinking about the health of thousands of people! That said, I have some things I would like you all to keep in mind the next time you use a public bathroom."
The crowd was progressively growing. It still consisted chiefly of young women.
"Many a time have I been waiting in line for a free stall, watched the person in front of me approach one, look in, and quickly abandon it for a different one. The usual reaction from the onlooker is 'Oh! Well that must mean that that toilet is clogged!' As I have found, that is almost always not the case! Even though the first rule of bathroom etiquette should be to always flush, some people simply don't do it…for whatever reason. But it is still a PERFECTLY GOOD TOILET! Come on, people, how hard is it to just reach over and flush it yourself? It's not like you have to stick your hand in the bowl and personally shove everything down the pipes!
"Another thing that should be common knowledge – if you sprinkle, wipe it up! It won't kill you." My expression suddenly turned very serious. "Something else I've noticed, that is perhaps more disgusting than finding a bit of a sprinkle on the toilet seat is…" I paused dramatically. "Finding pubic hairs on them. Yes, pubic hairs. The same goes for those – WIPE 'EM OFF!
"You've heard my words, and please remember them the next time you venture into a public bathroom! From now on, let's keep them clean…for all of our sakes!" I motioned to the spotless toilet seat next to me. "This is our goal, people! Let's work together to reach it! All public bathroom users must lend a hand! THANK YOU!"
I bowed, receiving a large amount of applause. I'd been right – this was quite the universal issue!