The Internets.

It's easy when you're on the internet.

Everything is anonymous. No one cares if you cheated on a test back in grade school and the other kid took the fall. No one cares if you didn't clean up your dog's shit. No one cares if you cheated on your wife. There are websites for proudly and anonymously declaring your small, and not-so-small misdeeds, from the nationally famous Post Secret to the infinitely less reputable GroupHug. In fact, if it exists, there is porn of it.

That's rule number 34. No exceptions.

The forums are great. You go and flourish with your secret with other people who are like you. You secretly loved the animation of My Little Pony? You're not the only one. Even Power Rangers has a massive fanbase that will cringe if you mention Agony in Pink. They know what you're talking about, even if you don't. There are forums about running, about lollipops, about modems, and about real person slash. Sadly, there is the dark side of forums, and as long as there is internet there will be drama.

That's rule number 14.

But be wary. There are spoilers. You mention you're playing through Final Fantasy VII and the first thing people will mention is not how hard it is to get Beta, but who dies. You mention you're reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, or colloquially HBP, and there will be only one sentence resounding through your ears. That's right. Snape killed Dumbledore.

That's rule number 45.

Of course, there is the dark side of the internet. No matter what internet relay chat you go into, if you write "slash b" there will always someone who will know what it is, and either post disturbing and most likely illegal in fifty out of fifty states pictures, or immediately leave. Actually, just don't talk about slash b.

That's rule number 1.

There is blatant ignorance on the internet. A group called Stormfront owns martinlutherkingdotorg and it turns out that there's a massive fanbase for white people hating black people too. Another group called the GNAA owns another sad site called JewsdidWTCdotcom and a sad sad man from Utah making fun of Idahoans and making millions off of a book published under his pseudonym. Not only that, any and all image searches are nearly bound to pick up porn. The internet is for porn.

That's rule number 31.

And don't forget, you will get viruses from downloading pornography.

That's rule number 11.

Shock sites are always bad. No matter what. Crazy Japanese people doing weird things. And a Lemon Party isn't a Lemon Party unless you know what a Lemon Party is. There are other sites that can bleach the disgusting images out from your brain, such as and YouTube, quite happily no porn allowed, but you nearly always have to watch out. It's a trap.

That's rule number 33.

There exist websites that function only to make you smarter, which is ironic, since the internet makes you stupid.

That's rule 49.

Coming back to the first thing that everyone thinks about the internet, and what this all even started with, anonymity can be dangerous, especially when you're on a dating site. Dating sites are never good news. Dating people over the internet is never good news. Any kind of romantic or erotic relationship solely over the internet is never good news. A hard and fast rule is that if your girlfriend ends in .jpg, she is not real.

That's rule number 21.

But . . . anonymity makes its comeback in the end. Because there's a firm rule of don't ask don't tell. Because when you're on the internet, no one cares. No one cares if you're me. No one cares if you slit throats in the night. No one cares if you're a ninja.