A Cross Country Drive

Have you ever been doing something when all of a sudden the feeling of running or doing something completely spontaneous takes over your mind? Well I have and I remember too many days of wishing and dreaming that life was more than it is for me right now. Life sucks. A least for me it does. Beauty surrounds me everywhere but what is the point of stopping to enjoy it when the in the next second hell awaits me. You know what a perfect day for me is? Sitting in my room listening to music while not having to see the face of the man I so despise.

"Kristen!" My father calls from the kitchen. Yes this is the man I so despise. He lives and breathes to make my life a living hell.

"Kristen!" He calls again. I definitely do not want to go down and talk to him but I have no choice. I can tell he is drunk again. It is always bad news for me when he is wasted.

"Kristen, get your ass down here right now before I come and drag down by your hair!"

He's pissed now. Oops. I probably should have answered him when he called.

He is hunched over the kitchen table when I get down there and I can't tell what his facial expression looks like.

"Hi, father." I say quietly hoping to appease the drunken man. I try not to say anything that makes him angrier than he already is right now but sadly, the word hi makes him angry.

My greeting is rewarded with a dreadfully painful slap across my face. Here it comes I think. It always starts with a slap to the face. He closes the gap between us and I look up to him and his presence is dark and full of menace. Within seconds I am on the floor reacting to every blow he decides to give. Every kick, punch, slap makes me feel a tingling and burning sensation in my body until I become numb. Numbness fills me from the inside out. It's like the ice cold water of the ocean is closing in over my head until I am plunged in darkness. I do not cry for my tears dried up a long time ago. No sound or whimper comes from my mouth. I will not give him the satisfaction of seeing my pain. He is like a dark force that feeds off of my pain and I will not saturate him. No matter how many times he chooses to lay his filthy hands on me, or grace me with his painful kicks I will not show any sign of weakness. This is what he has made me into. A numb being. I am like the living dead. Emotionless eyes that betray no sign of my inner turmoil and a still body that betrays no sign of the excruciating pain I am forced to bear.

I feel myself drawing closer and closer to unconsciousness but with a final kick it is all over. He grunts and leaves me there to suffer. I listen to his footsteps as he retreats to his room. Then I listen for the usual start of the shower running.

I feel like just laying here to wallow in my misery. Every bone in my body protests to any kind of movement. He might have actually broken something this time. I painfully get up and take slow, calculated steps to my room. Going against every nerve, muscle, and bone in my body I make it up the stairs. Staying on the floor is not an option. Wallowing in misery is not an option. I have one option. That is to clean myself up and put up a front of happiness for my brother. I always have Ben to worry about. He is the only reason I have not lost my will to live. I fear of what might happen to him if I left him alone with father. He is so young and innocent that it sometimes becomes too painful to watch him. I vaguely remember my young and innocent days. The days when mom was still with us. She left us and I despise her for it. Everyday I wonder what it is that drove her to leave me with such a despicable man. She deserves the same amount of blame I give to him. If she had never married the man in the first place I would not have to deal with this. If she had taken us with her I might have had a half decent life. If she stuck around I might actually be happy. Sometimes I wonder if father used to beat up mom like he beats me up. If he did then why would she leave us with such a man?

Ben really thinks we live in a happy house. All he sees about our lifestyle is how supposedly perfect it is. He loves father very much and sometimes it makes my heart ache to think that maybe he loves him more than he loves me. I have learnt to settle with any sort of love he chooses to show me considering he is the only person who pays attention to me.

"Kristen." I hear a feeble voice coming from the other side of my bathroom. It is amazing how very differently they say my name. When father says my name it sounds so full of peril and danger than it makes shivers run down my spine. When Ben says it I feel like I am human being, even if the feeling lasts for only a second I am happy.

"Kristen?" he says again.

"Um," I start to answer "I'm just about to take a shower Ben so just hang out in my room for a while and I'll be out there soon.

"Okay." He replies. "Just don't take too long."

I do not want him to see me like this. I have blood, cuts, and bruises, all over my body. The only part that seems to be left unharmed is my face. Other than the initiating slap he usually stays clear of my face.

I study myself in the mirror as I always do and like always I find the same things staring back at me. Sometimes I see a scared girl, sometimes a completely enraged girl, but never a happy girl. There was no reason for me to be happy so I was always down. That's how the life of a girl like me works. I was alone. With all the 6 billion people on this planet not one of them had become even remotely close to becoming friends with me.

This is what my life is. A roller coaster that consisted of downs all the way through and the longer I am on the ride the deeper and deeper it rode. I need an escape but Ben keeps on holding me back.


Thank you for reading. this is the second long story i have ever written. i revised it a bit and posted it here. please read and review and tell me what you think of it. Sorry about some grammar and spelling errors but i revised it late a night and i'm sleepy now. I need a beta reader for anyone who is interested. please contact me and tell me if your interested. Hope you enjoy the story. the first four chapters are already written and i'll post the next one sometime in the next 3-4 days. Well hope you liked the story and pliz review to tell me what you think. flames are good as long as they are constructive critisism. well Ja ne. (goodbye)

Kuro