Can Girls Get Testicular Cancer? Chapter 1: Poo Emergency, a humor fiction

A/N: Just random things, most of which are funny or just plain stupid. Please no rude comment. Enjoy.

Lanie: Can girls get testicular cancer?

Miss Buckner: ...Girls...don't have those.

Me: (hears party boy music) Who's listening to Party Boy?

Zack: Me.

Mrs. Batallas: Zack, are you Party Boy?

Zack: Oh yeah.

Me: DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARTY BOY IS???

Mrs. Batallas: No what is it?

Me: A dude dancing while stripping down to a silver speed-o!!!

Mrs. Batallas: Zack, turn that off, I see enough of that at home.

Class: (stares)

Ashley: Testies?

Everyone: (silence)

Me: Poseidon?

Everyone: (silence)

Erik: Testicular cancer?

Everyone: (laughs)

Brian: What's a "K" word for the lunch ladies?

Jez: Kinky.

Brian: (puts that down)

Brian: Hey Ms. Batallas? What does kinky mean?

Krystal: looking in history book I want to own a black person.

Me: There's Gabe.

Krystal: (looks at Gabe) Can I have you?

Gabe: (having missed our conversation) WHAT?

Me: When the guys ask what the girls did in gym, we didn't learn yoga, we learned sex positions. Got it?

Sam: Do girl plants and boy plants get married and have little seeds?

(Sad part, he was serious.)

(My teacher has an 'easy button'...you know, the thing that says 'that was easy'")

Guy #1: (presses button)

Guy #2: (presses button)

Guy #3: (presses button)

Preppy Pain: I get it! I'm easy!

Whole class: (stares)

Stacy: I want a nose job.

Brianna: I want a hand job, my knuckles are huge.

Brianna: I got peed on by a goat.

Dana: You liked it. You probaly go down the road looking for a goat in high heels, and say "I'll give you $500 to pee on me."

Brianna: What would you do if I got hit by a parked car?

Me: Laugh.

Me: Mom, what would you do if you saw someone get hit by a parked car?

Mom: I dunno, go help them?

Dad: (staring blankly) Think about it.

Mom: ...Go help them?

Dad: (staring at cell phone, a sign that he's having trouble with a text message)

Me: What word can't you spell?

Dad: I'm not gonna ask you how to spell it.

Me: Why not?

Dad: You're gonna laugh at me.

Me: Why would I laugh?

Dad: 'Cause it only has three letters.

Me: (bursts out laughing)

Me: Erik, where's your girlfriend?

Erik: Right next to me.

Me: (turns to girl next to him) YOU DO EXIST!!!!

Vanessa: Do I look naked?

Me, Brianna: What the hell?

Mrs. Kennedy: Don't ask me what to do or I'm gonna scream.

Casey L: What do we do?

Classes surrounding Mrs. Kennedy's: (hears scream)

Me: I hate 7th Heaven, old people make out too much.

Me: If you're a scientist and religous aren't you a hypocrite?

Mr. Dufour: Or you could throw both out the window a be a scientologist.

Mrs. McLaughlin: Violence in never the answer.

Me: You're teaching us about the Revolutionary War!!

Mrs. Balchunuis: Ryan, give me your laser pointer pen.

Ryan: I don't have it.

Mrs. Balchunuis: Then what's that between your legs?

Me, Ashley: WHAT?!?!?!

Erin: I had stomach cramps for almost a week. I go to the E.R. and you know what the doctor says? I was 'full of poo.'

Mr. Dufour: The Dead Sea is warm.

Nikky: Did someone pee in it?

Me: You can't come to camp with me, you dont have a severe skin condition.

Brianna: I have severe ugliness.

Me: ...Okay you can come.

Some kid: I'm just talking to myself...and the little leprachans...

Erin: What's the Mile High Club? Do I need to learn from experience?

Person: (Cough)

Mrs. Chase: STOP TALKING!!!

(Listening to The Outsiders on tape.)

Tape: You better not rub Dally the wrong way.

Erin: You better rub me the wrong way 'cause I'm a genie in a bottle!

Mr. Dufour: If you believe everything you see in movie, you have a problem.

Me: (immediatly turns to Erin)

Erin: I was waiting for that.

Erin: Isn't #1-29 thirty problems? I'm gonna count them.

Me: That'll be easy, considering they're ALREADY NUMBERED!!!

Brianna: There was a fucking spider on my fucking bed! What the fuck did you expect me to do?

Erik: Fuck it.