WARNING: DEFINITELY not for the light hearted. You have been warned.


"No… it's not working…"

I stare down, glancing at my shaking hands.

"I'm not trying hard enough… is that what's wrong?"

My eyes dart back in forth in panic, and I find myself wishing I could fly. Like that bird singing the sweetest tune outside my bedroom window, like that hawk circling above a nearby field. That way, I could be anywhere but here.

"Why would she do that to me… why would she rat out on me like that? Now he hates me…"

My hearing turns acute, the roar in my head now out of control. Nothing could drown out our screams, our frenzied shouts. I hear the echoing sound that was similar to a gunshot as I slapped her across the face.

"She loves him… I love him… but he doesn't love either of us. He hates the two of us."

My sense of touch is fading fast as my shaking hands numb. The tingling sensation is now gone, I can't feel my fist clutching the blanket beneath me. I can't feel anything except the growing, stabbing pain in my chest. It hurts so much… I don't even feel the tears slowly dripping down my face; I don't feel the uncomfortable feelings of having wet trails down my cheeks. My throat constricts as I continue to break down.

"I trusted her…"

The terror within me continues to build. I couldn't face him when Monday came rolling around the corner. Not after she ratted out on me. He would only think of me as a coward.

"She is… was… my best friend, how could she do that to me? How could she have told him?"

I know how. The raw power of jealousy.

The screams are still echoing in my head…

"You whore, why the hell did you tell him?!"

"You still don't see, Rain! You never saw anything! You're a filthy hypocrite for calling him blind, because you are too!"

"You don't mean…"

I let loose a small choking sound, like a dying animal. I try clapping my hands around my ears, but nothing can block out the volumes inside your head.

"I love him too, okay? And you want to know something else?"

Stop it. I don't want to remember… I don't want to see it again…

"He deserves me. Not you. He doesn't deserve a filthy slut and an unintelligent liar like you!"

"I'm not stupid."

"Oh? Then why haven't you realized I was just using you to get to him?"

Crack!

Back then, I no longer heard her screams of fury, I didn't see the angry red in her face, and I didn't feel her face beneath my hand as I instinctively reached up and slapped her with all my strength. I was only aware of one noise and one feeling.

"No! Leave me alone!"

It sounded like glass shattering, and there were tinkling noises of the crystal shards falling, down… down… down… And I couldn't find the strength to pick up and try to rearrange the pieces.

"Was it even worth it?"

And now… I don't know what to do…

Thunder outside crashes and my eyes flash open.

My mind was made up.


"I don't like you that way."

"Why not?" came the sickening purr over the phone. I feel an impulse to puke, thrust the phone back into the receiver, anything to get away from this… insult for a girl. She was her best friend! How could she rat out on someone like that?

"How can you hurt someone so freely and feel no remorse?"

"Because of what you did to Rain," I reply calmly. "Did she really deserve the embarrassment that she feels right now, or what she'll get at school?"

"Does she deserve the pain of being stabbed in the back and rejected by her best friend?"

Silence at the other end. I smirk as I feel her get uncomfortable. "Ashley. Fuck you." With that, I hang up the phone.

"For God's sake, ruin someone else's life. It's what you're good at, after all."

I lean back in my chair. Ah… to be free of another nuisance… but what would happen to Rain?

"How is she coping, I wonder?"

She isn't pretty, I know… but she's strong, and a kickass actress. There's plenty to hate and plenty to admire.

"I don't like her that way, but the least I can do is check if she's okay…"

I stand up with this notion. I had to know if she's all right. Something deep inside told me she needed a new best friend. Now.

"Ashley failed in that aspect, time to make up for what the bitch destroyed."

Swinging my jacket on, I can feel rage pour within me. No girl deserves being ratted out on like that, no one. My blue eyes narrow with fury.

"To earn someone's trust and to throw it away…"

He slams the door open with a vengeance.

"Has it ever occurred to her she just shattered someone?"


"

It hurts…"

Crimson tears my skin cries seep into the grassy floor, and my bloodied hand grabs the wrist clutching the metal knife.

"It hurts so much…"

I squeezed hard and jerked my wrist up, and my fingers reluctantly release the stained steel. I gasp with the effort and land on my hands and knees, my blonde hair sweeping across my face. I look to the side to see that it also is splashed red.

"I'm scared. I'm so scared. What have I done…?"

I raise my hand in front of my face. My brown eyes dart across my arm, taking in the detail. Deep lacerations scream out at me, but they all have avoided the wrist. The main thread to my life. I stare at it and begin to shake, tears dripping down my face and landing on my tank top. I was always flat-chested… and always hated myself for it. The black material is soaking wet, and not with just water either.

"I'm no good…"

My body, as damaged as it was, seemed to come alive with this thought. With a low cry, I grab the knife again.

"I wonder."

My leg lets out a shriek in agony as I slash the skin.

"I wonder. Do they even care?"


"Rain!"

The thought roars in my head as I hit the brakes on my bike at her house, but the lights are off. Slowly I dismount the bike, kicking the kickstand down. I just look at the empty house, and try to remember.

"Come on, Davien. Come on, come on… where would she go in a situation like this? Where would she go to cry her eyes out?"

Lightning followed by thunder light up and crash through the sky ahead, and I lift the kickstand back into place. Remounting the bike, I only have one place in mind where Rain could possibly go.

"The lake."


"It ends here."

I stagger out from underneath the weeping willow tree that provided as my shelter, dripping water and blood. I lift my head to the sky as my hair matted and stringy clung around my unscarred face. I would leave it untouched.

"I just want it to end. I want to die."

I clutch the knife hard, and I only shook for a few seconds.

"I want…"

The knife slides across my wrists, spraying the grass scarlet.

"… to die!"

Then I hear that voice. The voice that had haunted me, the voice that was half my reason for breaking.

"Why is he here?!"

"Rain!"


"Rain!" I shout again, this time with more urgency and rage as I notice the knife and all the blood clotting in the grass. She jerks up her head, her red and dark blonde hair sticking to her face.

"She's hurt!"

" Davien…" I hear her choke out, her throat constricted by sobs. My eyes search over her form, and they widen in horror as they rack up the total amount of blood lost and her slashed wrists.

"All that blood…"

I could only stand there as she collapses on her side, breathing heavily. Her eyes are white rimmed and wild with fear and pain. But defiance glitters through, and I answer the challenge. I step forward.

"She's not okay… she's not going to be okay."

"Am I enough for her now?" she rasps.

I start in surprise, my eyes flickering in shock. I fall to my knees at her side. The girl that wasn't very pretty, with dirty blonde, wavy hair that fell to her collarbone, brown eyes, and too square of a face. The girl with a round nose and small lips. The girl that just wasn't physically attractive.

"But anything is better than this. There's blood everywhere… she's hurt really bad…"

"What do you mean?" I ask, gently lifting this girl and dragging her so her back was on my lap. It's her turn to start in surprise, and I become aware of her blood seeping into my jeans. I didn't care. Horror gripped me as I saw the scratches in her sides, her stomach, her arms, and her legs. The only part of her body she had spared from the knife was her face.

"The face she thinks is hideous."

"I wasn't enough for her…" she gasps, she's losing blood too fast. She had already lost too much blood. "I tried so hard to be her friend, where did I go wrong?" Her voice is stronger now but bitter, which is even worse. "Am I enough for her now? Will I be enough when she sees my blood everywhere? Will I be enough when she sees me dead and gone?"

"Oh no. She did NOT just say that."

"You're enough whole," I state firmly, clutching her shoulders. I want to shake her. "Why the fuck did you do this, Rain? What. The. Hell. Were. You. Thinking?"

"I wasn't enough..." Rain whispers faintly, sensing my rage and flinching back from it. "I wasn't enough for her. I wasn't enough for my family. Hell, I wasn't enough for you. I tried so hard. Where did I go wrong? Where did everything go wrong?"

"It wasn't the end, Rain," I speak with a tone that offers no argument. "Ashley abandoned you and destroyed your friendship. So. What." My voice shakes with fury and desperation. "You still have people that care. You have your family. You have school, even though you don't have a lot of friendship. And did you really think for one second I was going to leave you too?"

Her eyes widen.

"You still have me, Rain," I finish my long speech, the one I would be embarrassed of in front of anyone else. "Even if it's not how you want it."

The thunder crashes once more, and she closes her eyes before opening them again.

"Thank you."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she chokes out, placing a hand on my arm. "I'm so sorry. I'm so weak…" She starts crying, the tears running down her face fast. It mingles with the endless rain, and my mouth slightly dropped open in apprehension.

"It's the end."

"Do you really think…" She's struggling to string words together to make a sentence, one that is coherent. "… a failure and a weakling like me could have been happy?"

"It's over."

"One day… could have been… happy."

Her hand slips from my arm and her head falls back.

"Oh God, no…"

Those dark brown eyes that showed so much emotion slowly close, falling into a state of sleep.

She wouldn't ever wake up.

"Her face… it looks so peaceful…"

Slowly I lift her bridal style, choking back tears as I did so. That outfit was so stupid… she was always trying to fit in. Black spaghetti strapped tank top with the black capris… she was such a dork. I find myself crying hard, and I don't know why.

"I wonder…"

The rain masks my weakness, offering camouflage for my shame. I hide her face from the world as I carry her back home.

"She did have ones that loved her," I realize. "Because I did. And I'm sorry too."

And I was. I still am. I'm sorry that it took this to finally know that I loved her.


I'll leave you to find out the moral of the story.