On the inside,
Where I never thought I'd be.
Such privilege.
Such honor.
Such anxiety.

It's nice to know
I'm not the only one
But sometimes I think
Am I really one of them?
Do I do these things, too?
These things that make us odd.
What they do…I do,
Intrigues me.

Everything means so much more here.
You think he's just reading.
Or walking.
Or thinking.
But you're wrong.
Every thought.
Every action.
Has an agenda.
Its own raw torture.

"You can't betray us," they say,
"You can't say a word."
Can't tell my friends.
Can't tell my love.
I can barely tell myself.
So I just sit and watch the others,
Now that I'm on the inside.