All your life searching
And I've the answers that you seek
Why the world falls down around us
And why you're incomplete
I'm the sugar in your cyanide
The whispers in your ear
The roses at your door way
The wind flying through your hair
The truth you cannot handle,
But it must be told
Take a deep breath for me sweetie,
And watch the story unfold…
I'll be the thorns on your roses
The tears that you've cried
The devil on your shoulder
And all the things you've lied
The end of the rainbow
The icing on the cake
The Candles in the window
The pills to fix that ache
It's a never ending cycle
I'll be there, to hell and back
I'll be your enemy and your angel
I'll make up for what you lack
Darkness hung over the house like a curtain.
That's the thing with safety, keeps everything out, keeps you protected. But it smothers you all the same.
In life we sometimes need to feel vulnerable, need to stand there with no walls, no barriers, just to feel alive.
I think that's why I don't like curtains
Watching the moon reflecting streams of light over the ocean and realizing that millions of others are looking up into the same moon, the same sky, and same stars, makes you feel small. Inadequate. Worthless. Meaningless.
It makes you want more.
Want to scream at the top of your lungs for something else, a reason or an answer for that one simple question
What is life?
Life: (Laif) noun
active principle of existence
time of its lasting
history of such existence
way of living
When I was younger a lot of my time was spent in hospital, so much so, that when my 5th birthday came round I was not surprised when my cake was brought into a crisp white room, and as I blew out the candles got told off as I had set of the hospital fire alarms.
Being that close to death (not myself personally but in fact the idea of death) made me realize a few things that even today I am still aware of.
Nothing is ever louder or quieter in fact, than the hospital. When I was there it was as if time stood still and life itself was quiet, surrounded by white walls that stopped anything from moving and eventually began to enter my head turning all my thoughts still, quiet and white.
But go there any other day where your heart is pounding stuck in your throat. And your thoughts are not your own, as they buzz throughout your body a million miles a second.
Death hangs in the air; it suffocates you,
It makes you breathe death, as you sit trying to pretend to be patient in the waiting room. When you're really waiting for a doctor to come out and break that last thread that's keeping your life together.
Moments like those made me who I am. Memories of when I was young still plague me today and every now and then I just have to stop to collect my breath as images and memories stream through my head and I remember children I loved and will never see again, the things I didn't notice at the time when I was just sick When they were dying.
But now I am older.
sitting staring out my window as the moon continued reflecting over the water and my shivers slowly stopped I thought back to that white room and began to realize why I missed it so much. For me the time had stopped.
The world stopped living and I stopped breathing and for once in my life, I felt safe.