you like the feel of his pulse under your palm
and that's why you warn him against this idea
of his, and you cringe when he reminds you that
you were the one who begged him to hurt you,
break you. you let his name play in your mouth,
wondering if someone else's would be easier to moan.

you draw on him with pink and orange sharpies,
hearts and stars and the words spinning through your head.

he washes his hands without looking.

the phone pressed against your ear is hot
and your heart pounds a little faster than you'd like.

his laugh is slow, and you listen to him take a hit and cough.
your finger moves to the end button and you shake. you
wonder if he'll call back this time. you wonder if you'd care.

you laugh at yourself and he pauses,
you are only bad at lying when you have to lie to yourself.

(the test you take stays stuck on positive for forty seconds before changing it's mind.
you don't tell him, you straddle him and bite his neck until he whimpers and his hips
jerk upwards. you smile. you are only in love with him when he is underneath you)

a/n: feedback appreciated. the block is still stubbornly not moving, but it's starting to lose it's determination.