History of Numbers

Number One
Was
Way beyond
Comprehension
He wanted us to indulge in each other
As we mirrored ourselves
Into one another
As we claimed our pain
Unto our scars
He wanted us to be for each other
Pain for pain
Scar for scar
So we wouldn't have to die
Alone

Number Two
Was
Love, at first sight
Love,
So we thought
He was the owner of the
Icy Blues
I favoured them
Got lost in them
He knew each of my twisted knots
In my head
In my heart
He said he'd always be there
Said he would
But words, they mean nothing
And he broke me
In two
Knew my knots,
But maybe they were to twisted
For him
Good thing, I've changed

Number FUCK
Was
Just for a fuck
A usage of my temple
Didn't touch my heart
FUCK
Took me when I was in with Number Two
FUCK didn't say a word
But
"don't you move, bitch"
He wouldn't let me leave
FUCK
I didn't even know his name
FUCK
I'd kill him
(If that's what I was made of)

Seems the Numbers
They always let me down
Scar me more than
I already was
Somehow, I keep coming back
To the mysterious holder of
The infamous

Icy Blues

But, maybe it's done
For he doesn't bare a look
Doesn't spare a word
I'm gone

Maybe, the Numbers aren't in the stars
For me

Author's Note: So this was about my experiences with males - as more than just friends. As you can see, I was actually in love once. It was the happiest I've ever been, I still keep him in my thoughts, because... I valued his friendship more than our love, in a way. I still hold him in my heart, and hope one day things work out... it was special, that rare kind of love. This was also about my raping. This is the first time in my life I can talk about it more openly before. It helps, the internet - no one knows me personally, so I don't hold shame in talking about my experiences - good or bad.

Thank you for reading.