Look past the mask

I walked into the room. It was a strange little room. Small, quite nondescript. In fact if the room had been empty it would have gone almost completely unnoticed. But the contents of this room were quite unusual. All 4 walls were lined from the floor to the roof with masks. Except for 1 spot on the wall where there was a mirror.

The room wasn't overly well lit. There was 1 bare light bulb hanging in the middle of the room and what almost seemed to be a light source behind the walls. But it was hard to tell.

I walked into the middle of the room, inspecting the masks.

There were happy, laughing, compassionate, 1 or 2 angry masks. But no sad ones. All the masks except for those couple were some form of happy.

I was standing by the mirror. Trying to grasp the

strangeness of all these masks when I heard the door open. I turned and saw Shae, one of the teen leaders in our church walk in. I pulled into the shadows made by the intersecting of the wall and the mirror hoping she wouldn't see me. She looked like she had been crying.

She walked to the wall and pulled down one of the masks

and put it on. Then turned and walked to the mirror. When I saw her face the change was remarkable. No longer were her eyes red and puffy, no more tears in her eyes or tear stained cheeks. Instead she looked happy. Like she didn't have a care in the world.

She stood in front of the mirror making some last little

adjustments. "Just one more day," she said to herself. "One more day and I wont have to do this anymore." She went to fix her hair and as she lifted her arm up I saw several scars all along her arm.

I grabbed her arm and said, "no Shae, you don't have to do

this." But it was like talking to a wall. She just kept saying under her breath, "one more day, just one more day."

"Shae listen to me!" I cried. But it was like talking to a wall. She just kept whispering the same words over and over.

Suddenly I wasn't holding her arm anymore. It was down by her side. She looked me in the eye. The first time she actually saw me. And in her eyes I saw such pain and sadness. "Help me, please. I cant do this anymore." She said. "Help me."

I blinked and she wasn't looking at me anymore. She

turned and left the room. I watched her walk out of the room and then turned to face the mirror, trying to understand what I just saw.

I looked in the mirror and saw not myself, but Shae's

living room. Her parents were standing in the middle of the room fighting. While she was sitting on the couch. I reached out and touched the mirror and it was like all of a sudden I was in the room with them. Her parents screaming at each other, and her begging them to stop. Then it stopped, her parents stormed out. One leaving the house and the other going to the bedroom. And Shae sitting there crying.

I pulled my hand away and the scene stopped. I realized

that I was crying too. I looked back in the mirror and saw Shae standing in her bathroom. I reached out and touched her image again, and once again it was like I was in the room with her. I noticed then that she was holding a knife. I tried to move or say something to stop her but it was like I was frozen in place and my mouth was glued shut. She pushed down on the knife and made the incision. Then another one just above it.

I closed my eyes and pulled my hand away. Wondering

why I of all people, was being allowed to see this. Attempting to understand the why's of the whole situation. I looked up at the mirror again and saw Shae lying on her bed listening to he ipod. She had wrapped a bandage around her arm to stop the bleeding. She sat up at walked to her closet and grabbed a sweater. I guessed it was probably to hide the bandage on her arm. Then she walked out of the room and the image went blank. I was looking at my reflection again.

I realized then that maybe the reason I saw this all was so

that I could help her. And I decided to find her as quickly as I could. I took one last look around the room and realized how easy it would be to put on one of these masks and hide me real emotions from everyone close to me. To pretend to something I wasn't just to retain a feeling of control over my life. But then I thought of Shae and how hiding herself and her problems from the world was like committing a slow suicide, where her only real emotion was numbness and pain. I walked out of the room, and woke up.

Realizing I had dreamed the whole thing. But knowing

I had to at least find Shae and ask her. This dream had been way to realistic to just ignore. So I got up, got dressed and went to church. Keeping and eye out for Shae. When I saw her I went up and said hi and made small talk. Then she moved a strand of hair behind her ear and I saw a scar on her wrist. "Shae," I said. "We need to talk."

Look past the mask, and tell me what you see