Liberal High School

Dear Parents or Guardians,

We thank you for paying your taxes (which we'd love to raise for you). We at LHS are very happy to take in the new batch of Freshmen and instruct them in noble the ways of the Liberals. To accomplish this, we've hired only the most certified democrats as teachers and our courses are designed solely to teach of the evils of conservatives.

During the course of the year, we also hold special presentations by some of the greatest liberal minds of our time. Our library, as well, facilitates the brainwashing of students with text dedicated to left wing side of the spectrum. Most of it is required reading for our students in their courses.

Here is a list of our best classes to achieve the Goal:

United States History:

This course is a year long class that revolves around the specific evils of conservative presidents and other political figures, while at the same time presenting democratic political figures in a light of truth and justice. After all, if Hillary can forgive her husband, why can't we?The first term is centered around liberal idealism while the second term focuses solely on the aforementioned evils. This course is required for all students.

World Geography:

This class is a useless cakewalk for the teachers we have that no nothing of their subject. Nine times out of then, the students learn only how to spin what little they know to make themselves sound intelligent. This class is a part of the History Department and is required for all 9th grade students.

Modern Problems:

This required course for 12th graders is centered mostly on the economy and how the conservatives have ruined it. Other topics of interest for this class include how to dredge up old topics, mudslinging, slander, and (of course) how to lose morals. This class is required for all outgoing seniors.

World Language:

In the spirit of letting illegal immigrants into the United States and communicating with other cowardice countries, we have developed a language course offering the two main languages: French and Spanish. It is our goal to let cowards and illegal immigrants take over our school, so we are providing our English speaking students the opportunity to learn their language in the hopes that we may one day no longer have that wretched language of our forefathers. This course is required for all English speaking students.

Student Government:

To prepare our eleventh grade students for the rigors of Modern Problems, we've set up a preparatory course designed to introduce them to the principles of whining, slander, and mudslinging by going through mock scenarios of election campaigns. Students in this class are required to attempt to destroy their opponent's character by false means and disagree with themselves on the most important of topics. This course is required for all 11th grade students.

Natural Science:

This class is designed around the idea that if you present only one argument, it must be true. We intend to brainwash our students into believing every point in the textbook without thought or hesitation, and our own teachers are instructed not to show the students any evidence contrary to the text. Students are encouraged not to ask questions as well, making them the perfect puppets that we use to shape the world. This course is required for all students and is a prerequisite for Earth Science.

Earth Science:

Again, we concentrated our efforts on brainwashing students and introducing them to the farce of global warming. Also, in this advanced class we also teach reasons and benefits of concealing information to bolster the arguments they make. Finally, this class expands on the ideals and principles talked about in the Natural Science course. This is an advanced placement class and is not required.

Physical Education:

Teaches the benefits of exercise and sports activity, including the favoritism of most of the faculty towards athletes and cheerleaders. Obese students are frowned upon in this class and will not be allowed to participate in extra credit opportunities, such as hazing, slacking off, and the coach's personal favorite: pin the tail on the dweeb. This class is required for all students less than two hundred twenty pounds.

Psychology:

Here we explore the reasons for brainwashing and the consequences of knowing that one has been deceived. We also look into why brown nosing is such an important skill for statecraft as well, and how twisted words affect the mind's internal workings. This class is an advanced placement class and is not required.

We again thank you dearly for the time and money you helped to put into this letter with your taxes. To request additional information, please call this number: 1-800-DUM-DOWN. To request meetings with staff call that same number, press two, ask for three copies of form Alpha-6-1-3 and then submit that application for the application form to Parent Services between the hours of 9:00 am and 3:00 pm on the second Tuesday of each month. Your application will be in the mail within three weeks, at the end of which you will have to fill out the application and send it back by mail.

Thank you for choosing Liberal High School for your son or daughter and we hope they have a good year learning how to be good democrats!

Principle Lib R. Al