Liberal High School

Dear Staff,

It has come to the attention of this administration that some teachers are permitting questions from their students to be asked. Still worse, they answered those questions honestly! Said teachers will be eliminated from the LHS staff and shunned from the community. Permitting questions may have terrible consequences which will undoubtedly lead to free-thinking students with minds of their own. That in turn would lead to complacency of the school only teaching one thing. One can see how LHS could be shut down.

As for you teachers who have followed the policies, we thank you for putting liberalism in front of moral values. You are to be commended. However, if any of you should like to permit queries, we urge you to either reconsider or take one of the following measures to insure that they do not find the truth:

1) Lie to them. These kids are conditioned to believe what we say unconditionally.

2) Tell them to look in their textbooks. They are also conditioned to believe that.

3) Dodge the question. Praise them for asking the question (make sure to only seem sincere) and then somehow loop back around so that they only think they have been satisfied. This is a proven technique.

4) Tell them what they want to here. Our favored political candidates have won many elections with this method.

Some preventative measures are also quite handy in dispelling doubt. The following are the three most effective ways to do this:

I. Do not give them any evidence to the contrary. And if they find some, discredit the source using whatever means necessary.

II. If they have religious history, send them to the office for disciplinary action if they bring that into the classroom.

And this is the most effective way we know of:

III. Ignore them entirely along with any evidence that may support their claims.

Making sure that the students are kept ignorant is the only guaranteed way of assuring that we are able to make good little democrats for the future. Please take these tips to heart (if you find you have one) and have a pleasant afternoon.

Principle: Ivan E. Warts