English Major Limericks

Alas, it has been such a while,
since I was but a young child,
but since then I've desired
to be as admired
and quotable as sweet Oscar Wilde.

Critical theory is grand
when you're looking to sound very bland,
and be just as intriguing
as a gardener weeding,
in a grassless desert of sand.
A ten page paper, you say?
And it was due yesterday?
No wonder you're tired
and your life is now mired
into a state of wild disarray!
Each English major knows the tale
of old Ahab and his white whale,
but who with full credit
can say that they've read it
without Sparknotes to their avail?
We're all sick of that old inquiry:
"You'll do what with an English degree?"
It may not be polite
but someday I might
kick the next who asks in the knee.