There he was, sitting at his desk, with bottles of Bawls energy drink crap all over it, playing that stupid, stupid game again. What did he see in that dumb game? How could anyone like something so… ridiculous? Lolita was watching television, and she saw a Kay Jewelers commercial come on. The one where the woman is asleep and her husband puts the necklace on her, and she wakes up and is so happy. "He could never be that creative." She thought, and walked over to his desk.

"You know what Eric? Or should I say Finawer, whatever the fuck that means… I've had just about enough." He didn't even twitch a muscle when she said "Eric" but her turned and glanced at her for a microsecond when she said his Warcraft name. "Yeah you can't answer me when I call you by your real name, but when I say your stupid fucking Warcraft name you can at least look in my direction. Fucker…" The best part about Eric playing Warcraft is that Lolita could say whatever she wanted to him, without him ever hearing her, or paying attention.

He typed some stuff on his keyboard and said, "Okay Hon…Have fun. Would you mind fixing me a peanut butter sandwich? I'm on a really important quest right now…" He said this without ever looking at her, and squinted at the screen.

She couldn't believe it! "Sure I'll make you a fucking sandwich, and you'll be lucky if there isn't arsenic in it." She stomped off into the kitchen, grumbling to herself every time he spoke into the headset. "Resurrect people from the dead… He's gonna have to resurrect his love life from the dead…" Lolita finished the sandwich and slammed the plate down next to Eric; he didn't even flinch. Frustrated, she decided to call Kimberlyn.

"Hello?" said Kimberlyn's voice on the line.

"Hey, its me… you busy?" Lolita asked. Fixing herself her own peanut butter sandwich, but with grape jelly and a side of pretzels.

"Nope." Her friend answered.

"He's playing that stupid, stupid game again." She sighed. "I hate that stupid game. Why did he even call me to come over if he doesn't want to spend time with me? All I do is make him sandwiches while he plays that game. He hasn't laid a finger on me. I tried everything. I sat in his lap completely naked just yesterday, and he just kept looking past me trying to see the screen." Lolita said down in front of the television and turned the volume down so she could talk.

"Are you kidding me?" Kimberlyn asked.

"No! I'm totally serious. He is completely engrossed in that game. Body and soul, in fact, I think he'd sell his soul to get ahead in the game." Lolita crunched a pretzel. " Remember Oregon Trail?"

"The computer game? We played in third grade?"

"Yeah. That was the best computer game I ever played. If Eric played that game for four hours straight I wouldn't feel so bad, because at least he'd be refreshing his math skills, and I'd know he could survive in the harsh wilderness of the early American territories. Damn…" She and Kimberlyn both laughed. You had to admit, it was pretty funny, but also very sad.

"All he does is play that stupid game. Right now he's in the Forest of Magical Buttfairies trying to reclaim the mighty Guild of Ass-Fondling Elves. I sure hope he doesn't forget to use his Sword of Unlimited Nights Without Sex…" Lolita practically yelled all this, but Eric wasn't listening. "Ugh!"

"Didn't hear you?"


God… Listen… You sat in his lap, totally naked, without your clothes on, and he didn't even move? Okay look, he's using you as a maid, and I think he's probably a gay nerd. If he didn't instantly get a hard-on and pick you up and carry you straight to the nearest bed, then there is something wrong with him… I hate to say this Lo, but you need to get out. Now." Kimberlyn had a hard time believing any straight, normal male human could resist Lolita; she was a gorgeous girl, with a great body. It had to be the game.

"But… he's so hot." Lolita whined.

"What's the point? You can date the hottest guy on the planet but if you don't ever get to participate in the naked Olympics then who cares? There're other hot guys out there, ones that don't spend every waking moment in front of the computer." Kimberlyn tried to reason with her. There were other men out there, and to tell the truth a lot of them were cuter than Eric. Kimberlyn and Lolita had different tastes in men though. Those Lolita drooled over Kimberlyn usually ignored.

"You're right. I'm gonna pack my stuff. Luckily I don't have much… Will you do me a favor and rent a funny movie, and buy some ice cream for when I get home?" Lolita had made her mind up. It was over between her and Eric the Nerd King.

"Of course. I could use a few laughs myself." Kimberlyn smiled to herself. She hadn't eaten ice cream in weeks!

"K… thanks." She hung up and looked around, scanning the room for anything that belonged to her. She went throughout the house doing the same, and eventually gathered up everything that was hers and put it in the car. Eric didn't even seem to notice that she had been going in and out the door, or that she'd been carrying her stuff outside. She'd had just about enough of Eric not noticing her. She walked over to his desk and pounded her fist on it, making a bottle of Bawls fall into the floor and shatter.

Eric looked over at her, and said, "What?" and turned back to the screen.

Lolita looked at him like lasers might shoot from her eyes. "Okay, so you wanna levitate magical floating orbs? How bout I levitate your head right off your body? You like medieval Elven princesses? Well this princess is about the go medieval on your ass if you don't get up right now and do something. I am sick and tired of that stupid, STUPID game!! You pay more attention to it than you do to me. You never do anything you are supposed to do, you never do anything you say you're gonna do, you neglect your work. You never take me anywhere! You are so obsessed with that retarded game that you don't even want to sleep with me anymore, you don't talk to me anymore. You know what, go ahead and play in your little caves looking for goblins or whatever you do... but don't expect to enter my magical cave ever again... you fucking... NERD!!!"

Eric simply turned his head a millimeter and said, "Sorry…"

"You're sorry! You're sorry? That's it?" Lolita screamed, and Eric did not respond. "Well then, FUCK YOU!" she yelled, and then stomped away and slammed the door behind her

Eric just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nolatari, I'm about to transfer a scythe of damnation to you."

About ten minutes later Eric's front door swung open and slammed against the wall. Lolita was standing in the doorway, breathing heavily with a liter of Coca-Cola in her hands. Eric didn't even look in her direction. She shook the coke, and walked over to Eric's desk.

"Hi Hon, you're back." He said, and was then drenched in coke, along with his keyboard, his monitor, and his CPU. Lolita too was sticky with soda, but she didn't care. "What the hell?!?" He said, and finally turned around in his chair to see a panting and grinning Lolita, with half a bottle of coke in her hands.

She laughed maniacally, "Haha! Finawer my dear! Your precious Glowing Staff of Nerditude isn't going to help you this time! I don't care if you are a level 60 Enchanter of Four-eyed Pimply Hobgoblins and that you have the Shield of Pocket Protecting Geekforce!!! You are no match against Coca-Cola, you little bitch boy!" Then she emptied the rest of the bottle into Eric's lap, and threw it in the floor behind her. "Ta-ta pencil dick!" she said, and walked out the door and shut it quietly behind her, leaving Eric sitting in a putting of sticky liquid, with his mouth hanging wide open.