Things I'll Never Say
There are things I need to say but will never have the guts to, things I have to do but know I'll never end up doing and secrets that lie deep within that I'll never admit. Good luck to me in writing them down here instead.
Well, I can't believe I'm doing this but this is still is best thing I've ever done, for me, at least. Especially since last year…well, I don't want to think about last year again but last year really sucked. I got into too much trouble, too many (verbal) fights and there was just too much drama going on. And the thing is, whatever happened last year (maybe you'll get to know what happened someday) made me lose one thing that always kept me going in the process.
I lost my confidence.
As there were just too many emotions I struggled to suppress inside, too many things I wished I could just admit straight out and most of all, too many secrets I wished I could let out.
When I realized how much holding back had almost ruined the old confident and happy-go-lucky me, I knew there had to be something I could do about it. I was screwed up. I was losing everything that made me feel myself, and I just couldn't stand there doing nothing about it.
Now, I want to rectify it. I know it's not that easy, but I want to write down everything I haven't said, done or admitted just to get it out of my chest. At least everything I'm ready to let out.
School starts in week (yes, school starts in June in our country) and I'm really dreading it because…well, because of last year. I'm scared last year is going to happen all over again and I just can't handle another crappy year.
It almost makes me wish I could leave this place and start over somewhere completely different with new friends, a new personality and moreover, a new life.