His lips pressed against mine passionately, his hand rising up my skirt as I felt his body close to me. "I have to go." He insisted as he cocked his head to one side, diverting it away from me. "no you don't." I rebutted. He nodded as he kissed my cheek. "I have my last class in the morning." He said weakly. "exactly, last, it's not important." I insisted as he began to kiss my neck unwilling to pull himself away.
"its my last class ever Honor." He said loosing his grasp as I finally sat on my knees next to him on the bed. "fine." I said pouting. He smiled and kissed my lips partly before crawling off the bed.
"Brendon." I said softly. "I'll come by after my class." I smiled. "I love you." He said as he opened the door and closed it just as quickly. I laid back on my bed taking deep breaths as the summer breeze blew into my window.
"Honor." I heard two familiar voices screech as the dorm room popped open. "yes." I said sitting up abruptly as the two girls slammed the door shut. "we saw the cutest guy ever." Codie said sitting on the edge of my bed. Elliot nodded in agreement. "And?" I questioned. "He was worth leaving Cole for." Codie insisted. "that's cause is ugly." She squinted even though she knew I was kidding. "and it makes me not miss John at all." Elliot added as she flopped onto her own bed.
"what's his name?" I asked stupidly. They shrugged simultaneously. "where is your brother?" I asked Codie who was staying with me until graduation, since they already had theirs. "talking to the guys sister?" I shook my head as I closed the window which made it stuffy by warm in the dorm room.
I couldn't believe it, less then a week left before I dressed myself in a blue robe and walked down a long path and entered the real world. I was a senior as Boston College, I bit my lip as I looked over at my two best friends. Elliot my roommate since freshman year and Codie the girl who was willing to be my friend since high school along with her brother Luke who I finally found a friendship with that wasn't filled with the past.
And of course my wonderful Brendon who transferred to Boston College wililing just to be with me. We had a three year anniversary months ago but we all knew we had been together for much longer. This was probably the longest we've lasted with out some horrible outcome nearing us but I felt as it came closer to enter the real world the more that uneasy feeling came to me, that something was going wrong.
Things had changed a lot in the past few years, I suppose as suspected. Drake had found a new girlfriend his senior year, one that I didn't dispize and they've lasted three years, a record for my flaky older brother. I had a younger sister, for the future to bully around who was now three and I pushed anything I wanted to aside.
I was not twenty two with a newly single roommate, being Elliot and best friend Codie who had been engaged for years now. And I found Luke turning back into his old self, chasing the ladies, someone no one had seen in a long time.
And every weekend when I went with Brendon back home so he could see his daughter, it made me stronger a little bit more everyone time, I saw Spencer who was no longer a baby but a small child of six years old which made me think how long ago my life had been so astray.
And for once I felt like everyone realized what I knew so long ago which was everyone changes and whether we want to or not we have to. And the more everyone seemed to be okay with the idea of change the more I wanted it not to be true. The more I wanted to go backwards in life and the more I wanted to be who I was and not who I am.
"Phone number." Luke said pushing the door open. He smiled as he looked around the crowded room. "Honor you're here?" he asked almost surpised. "it is my dorm room." I said sarcastically as his face turned violently red as he sat on the floor in front of his sister. He slid the phone number into his pocket as he tapped the floor with his finger creating a quite beat. '
It was late, nearly one in the morning and the campus was starting to quite down as most of the lower classmen were already gone, leaving the seniors to there goodbyes. "sleep?" I questioned as the room quieted. The three of them seemed to nod simultaneously. I crawled under the covers as Codie laid next to me and Luke on the ground between my bed and Elliot's .
I closed my eyes as I could hear Codie snore in my ear, I couldn't sleep and laid awake in the dark. "you awake?" I heard a deep voice say in the dark of the night. "yeah." I whispered as I saw Luke looking up at me from the floor.
"o." he said like a questioning little kid. "o?" I questioned. "yup." He said turning over. "goodnight?" I rolled my eyes as I took a deep breath. Luke often did this to me, he would try to start a conversation with me, but never actually start a conversation with me, like he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
I fell asleep and woke up in a room full of people snoring. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around at the sleeping people. "hi." I heard a familiar voice say. I nearly jumped out of my bed as I whipped my head around and saw Brendon sitting on the window sill. "god you scared me." I said letting out a deep sigh of relief.
"when did you get here?" I asked pushing my self up in the bed. "fifteen minutes ago?" he questioned himself. I nodded. I looked at him deeply as he smiled in my direction. "what's that?" I whispered pointing to his held where he held a picture frame. "I just brought it from my place." He said tossing it over at me carefully.
I smiled as I looked at the beautiful picture. "this is really old." I said looking at it. "I was only sixteen Brendon." I looked up at in total awe. "I know." He replied. And as I looked between the picture and the present twenty three year old, he seemed so different. His green eyes that once had an incredible hold over me, those eyes I pictured anywhere were now faded and represented a rather different color.
He looked old, I realized as I looked at his stronger. He looked really old and no longer had this little boy way about him anymore and at that moment I felt tears rose to my eye and just then I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I noticed I've changed even more.
No longer did I had this hurt look upon my face and a adolescent sense of being. My hair was longer and was dyed an unnatural color but made me look older in a way, I bit my lip as I looked at Brendon harder. "are you okay?" he asked quietly standing up from his squatting position. I nodded as tear fell down my cheek.
"Honor?" he cried as he walked to the edge of the bed. I shook my head as I slowly veered my feet around Luke's head and walked next to Brendon. "what is it?" he asked hugging me. "everything is so different." I said calming down.
I really had no good reason for my nostalgic break down. Would I ever really want to go back to that time? No, but were there times when that's all I thought about? Yes. "I'm fine." I said pulling away as I sat down on the edge of the bed and heard a scream. "god Honor." Codie said flipping over as she pulled his leg out from under my but.
"sorry." I moaned as I ran my fingers through my hair and the rest of the room seemed to slowly awake. "good morning." Elliot sung as she sat up in her bed. She waved in our general direction. "are you okay Honor?" Luke asked alarmed as he stared at my red face. "I'm fine." I insisted. "hi Luke." Brendon said defensively as he hugged himself around my waste tightly. Luke and Brendon have always been less then cordial.
"do you guys want to go out for lunch?" I asked looking at my watch. Everyone nodded. I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over my camisole as I relized I slept in jeans last night.
"we'll meet you guys outside." I said opening the dorm door and walked outside into the open air. "you sure your okay." Brendon asked again looking at me. "yeah, I'm fine." I said crossing my hands.
"good." He said kissing my cheek. My phone began to ring as I sat down on the ground against the wall, Brendon touching my thigh lightly. "hello?" I questioned into the phone. "hey sis." I heard Drake say happily into the phone. "o hey, are you finally a master?" I asked sarcastically.
"yes I am, I just finished and I have my masters and I can finally be a teacher." I smiled. "I'm so proud of you Drake." "so I just called to tell you that I'll be up for your graduation and be home for the summer with you." I smiled again taking a deep breath. "I feel like I haven't seen you in monthes." "you haven't." I nodded as I rested my head on Brendon's shoulder.
"o and Lane is coming to." He added. "coming where?" I asked. "home with me for the summer." My eyes widened. I liked Lane and all but when she was around, I could hardly get two words in with Drake, or let alone anyone else for Drake, lets just say they seemed to have a big physical relationship. "o." I said quietly. "is that okay?" he asked , already knowing my answer. "o yeah." I said unconvicenly. "look, I'll see you when you get here for graduation, bye." I said hanging up the phone.
"great." I said sarcastically lifting my head up. "what?" Brendon asked quietly. "Drake is coming home for the summer but is bring Lane." I grunted as the door opened and the three of them walked out.
"hi." I said looking up at them. "ready?" Elliot asked. I nodded as Brendon helped me up. I interlaced my fingers with his and held them tight as we walked across the quiet campus. Brendon's phone began to ring as we walked across the green grass. He let go of my hand as he reached for and put it to his ear.
"Daddy." I heard a little high pitched voice say. "Hi Spencer." He said going into parent mode. "today was the last day of school and mommy said I could call you." I crossed my arms. Because hearing her voice and seeing him become a parent with in second, changed everything even if it was only for minutes and I couldn't become accustomed to that.
"that's fine, I'll see you tomorrow." He said calmly. "where are you?" I heard her ask. "I'm at school honey." "With Honor." He said as the conversation continued. "she wants to talk to you." Brendon whispered in my ear. I took the phone from his hand and pressed it up against my ear. "hey Spencer" I said softly. "Honor!" she screamed. I found myself smiling.
"are you coming to see me with Daddy tomorrow?" she asked. "only if you want me too." "yeah." She said softly. "okay, I'll see you tomorrow then okay?" I asked. I could hear her breath softly as I handed the phone back to Brendon.
"I love you too." He said before hanging up the phone. And the as the phone slid into his pocket he became Brendon, the guy I know and love, my boyfriend, my baggage filled boyfriend, the one that cared about me and only me. Quite the opposite of "daddy mode"
"sorry." He said as he often did after hanging up with Spencer or Ellie. But I never felt like he was apologizing for the phone call but more for the drama years before. He wrapped his arm around my waste as we walked into the quiet dinning hall.
"hmmm food." I said as we walked in, in a line. "here?" Luke said putting his backpack down. "food." I cried again as we departed towards the trays. "what are you getting?" I asked playfully as I stood next to Brendon in the middle of the hall.
"food." He said nudging me. "why are you always sorry?" I blurted out as I looked around at the food. "what?" he asked looking at me. "you always say sorry when you hang up with Spencer or Ellie." I said quietly, finally turning to him. He shrugged. "I don't know." He muttered. "but you do." I insisted.
"I don't want to get into this Honor." He said, which gave me the feeling I was right. "you don't want to get into this now, or you just never want to get into this?" I asked. "I rather never, but I guess just not now." "whatever." I muttered.