Thy Inner War

I lust for contentness - to be still within my bones
To end the wars I live in the middle
Of sorrow and regret – a war inside myself
To live – making change
To die – because my efforts always slip from
The results of my poor judgement has
Made me my place six feet under
Where I see no more
Feeling only my decomposing self with the worms
Crawling to grow from my dead cells
Some days the war inside me gets help from the outside
Pushing me to put to rest the fight
No more treading against the tide
To allow myself to be pulled under, no use in fighting a lost battle
Every move of strong effort I make seem to have me
Blind to some sort of love from the outside,
Feeling frozen in the sea of millions of fish
Craving self destruction to make it all day
But then it's night time for ages
And I'm living in only coma
Numb – zombie, walkin' the days and nights