Warnings: Yaoi (slash), death, suicide

This story might be a little bizzarre to some of you but I hope you enjoy anyways. (Oh, and sorry about the POV change at the end. I dont have the heart to change it)

I have a goal for this summer to write 30 yaoi/slash related stories (oneshots, maybe longer) AND work on my novel (I haven't posted it yet).

Also, this was originally planned to be a manga, but I decided to write it up instead of drawing it. Maybe I'll get to drawing it later...

I sit here in a train, with colorful lights whizzing by the window, wondering why and how am I here. The last thing I remember is looking at the picture of us together that I'd hung on my wall the picture of us, us together, smiling at work.

That's right… I remember it now…

I met you officially when I became a part-time employee of the café you worked at. I only applied for the job because you were there.

I still remember when I first saw you.

I was just strolling by when you walked out of the café with an upset expression pasted upon your face, but you were beautiful so I had to smile. It was then that your glare had shifted to me and I swear that I saw it go away for a moment before intensifying. I felt bad after that, but I was glad that you noticed me.

For the next few weeks after that, I purposely walked by that store to get to work and home, just to see your face.

One day as I was returning home after failing miserably at my own job, I passed by the café you worked at and saw the 'help wanted' sign. It was as if fate was tugging me towards you. Urging me to be with you.

I wouldn't miss an opportunity as brilliant as that. The next day I had off, I went to the café, talked to the manager, and was accepted for a part-time job there. I realized that I'd have to keep my other job to get along in life, but I was just too overjoyed about being able to work with you to care.

When I became your co-worker, I learned that your name was Yuuto, that you were allergic to certain flowers, and that you "wouldn't care if I was hit by a car". You said that to me one day when you seemed angry about something. Or maybe you were just angry at me.

During the next week working with you, I realized that what I was feeling towards you wasn't just admiration or respect, and that it was love. I knew I was going to get hurt in the end but I couldn't stop myself. I was being drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

After that, the manager told me that I could get a full-time job there, and I happily complied, quitting my other job.

It was around that time when I realized that I was starting to love you even more, and you started to open up to me, talking to me during our breaks. I learned a few more things about you. I learned that you were single and lived by yourself in a small apartment near the ocean. I learned that you loved the ocean, and grew up near one with your two younger sisters and an uncle. But you were more responsible than he was. He was an alcoholic and abusive when drunk, so it became your responsibility to love, protect, and care for your sisters. I also learned that you had a relationship incident when you were in high school. And that you promised yourself to never love anyone that way again.

Of course, you also learned a lot about me, and you would smile about certain things I said. It was around that time when I took a picture of us. We were happy together, as just friends and co-workers.

It is by human nature that we are selfish creatures. I wanted more than to be just your friend. I wanted to win your heart, despite the fact that you said you'd never love again.

And that was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.

Later that week when we were let off of work, I told you that I needed to talk to you. You merely gave me a funny look and nodded.

We started walking towards the direction of both of our apartments. I had been working a few days to finally say those three words to you. 'I love you,' and without thinking about it, I said it to you. You stopped dead in your tracks, looking towards the ground. I had asked you what was the matter, and put my hand on your shoulder. You only hit it away and looked up, anger clearly shown in your eyes. You accused me of being a liar, although I couldn't see why you'd say that, then slapped me hard on the cheek. I didn't even get a chance to say another word for you ran away in a random direction.

I regret not chasing after you, but I couldn't even stand at that moment. I could only fall to my knees shaking hard, tears streaming down my cheeks. I probably sat there for an hour before my sobbing lightened and I decided that I could manage getting a taxi home.

I remember standing up and waiting for a taxi on the edge of the sidewalk. I remember the taxicab driver asking me where I wanted to go and what was the matter. I answer the first of his questions then remained silent for the rest of the drive home.

By the time I arrived in front of my apartment door, I was once again sobbing harshly. I fumbled around with the lock before stumbling into the dark room.

I had walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. I had looked into the mirror and realized that I looked, and felt, like a complete and total wreck. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally broken, but mostly the later.

I remember sliding the mirror open, revealing the cabinet behind. I remember finding the pills in there. And I remember my plan to… die.

I had walked around in the dark looking for a piece of paper to write on and ended up writing on the back of an envelop. I didn't even think about what I was writing, but after I was done, the note had said:

Dear Yuuto,

I don't know what happened, but I don't want to find out. If I upset you to a level where you had to slap me and run away, then I don't want to continue bothering you anymore. I just want to say, that if you end up reading this, I want to let you know that I wasn't lying about loving you. I love you to a point that I'm willing to die for you, and if my plan worked, I have died for you. From the moment I met you, I knew that it would end up like this. And that I should run away and keep my self intact. But I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

Love eternally,


I climbed onto my bed and left the note on the small table nearby. Even in the dark I could see the little bottle of pills in my hand. I thought for a moment if I really wanted to do this. I decided that I did. I was still shaking and crying and I realized this when I couldn't open the bottle at first. But after I did open it, I poured all of its contents into my hand.

Smiling to myself in the dark, I swallowed them all. I lay down, already feeling my body slowing, and I turned to look at the small table that I left my letter on. My mind slowly processed the fact that the note was left next to a picture frame. It was the picture of me and you. The one of us smiling.

And that's when it all faded away…

So now I sit here on a train that's headed to some place that I probably have never heard of. I look around me. There's a person in every seat but the one next to me. Most every other person on this train has either a wound of some sort, or is old. I sigh somewhat happily and relieved that my plan for dying had succeeded. I turned to look back out window, and at the colors that whoosh by.

"May I sit next to you?"

Damn. I recognize that voice. I look over and see Yuuto standing next to me. His shirt stained a bright, bloody red near where his heart would be. He smiles as he sits next to me. "I'm sorry Haru… I broke my own promise. I guess I fell in love again." I can feel my face light up as I hug him there and then.

Thank you for reading! I'd be happy if you reviewed, and please no flames. By the way, this wasn't edited so sorry if there were little mistakes. I wasn't planning to continue this, but if anyone wants me to then I'd give it a try...