Winter 2006/7

I was so depressed that night at the youth activity. I'd just moved from a place I'd only been in for a year, and now I was forced to adapt again. There were so many new faces to remember at a new church; different personalities to adjust to. In a sea of girls my age, I felt alone. It was easy to pretend I didn't care about moving somewhere new, easy to act like I didn't resent being there. But it wasn't easy knowing that I couldn't go back, that the change had actually occurred. I was ready to give up. I didn't want to meet any of those new girls, and I didn't want to slip and let them see how much I didn't want to be there. All those girls got to stay in their comfort zone; they only needed to reach out far enough to shake my hand. I had to reach even further, because I don't think my feet would move to step closer.

The whole night was awkward. Part of me wanted to join them in their jokes, but the other part of me didn't want to get involved. I was going to move away from home in just a few months anyway. What was the use in meeting more people just so I could cry when I left them? Where was the sense in this decision? I watched the interactions between the girls, and also between the adult leaders. I studied their personalities, trying to see what they were like. I was intrigued, but still didn't want to get too involved. That would be like a betrayal to the people I left.

Then, when we were about to go home, one of the adults approached me. She asked if I was okay, and I could tell she honestly cared. Something in her dark brown eyes made me want to tell her everything, even more than what I'd just gone through. Her eyes revealed that she knew exactly how I felt; she'd been through many of the same things I'd been through. I found out that she had to move away, for the same reason I did. People like me were simply filling the void left by people like her. I felt completely at ease with her, and I wanted to come back to be with her. Knowing that she wouldn't be there much longer, I decided that I would get to know her before she left. At least there would be one person who I knew would love me.