Lying on my stomach, listening to the rain pitter patter outside my flat, my fingers touching the pad of my mobile hesitantly, hopefully, telling you of my day, asking how was your's. Long conversations on the phone play in my head, fuelling my anxiousness to connect with you, to communicate with you…I'm hearing your voice continuously in my head.
"…and I have the best room, I can see the stars as I lie in bed…"
"You can? I miss that, in the flat I live in at the moment, I can't see the sky at all…"
"…that sucks huh? I also can go out onto the roof and lie there…looking at the stars…"
"Rub it in why don't you…but I wish I could do that…"
Staring so wantonly at the few words I've typed… "still tired? Are you going to sleep yet?" Trying to convey a depth of emotion that written words cannot hold into my little text message. Remembering our laughter-filled chatter, silently always hoping that my forgetfulness will never deter you from how I may feel.
"Sorry I called so late!"
"That's okay; I just got out of the shower anyway."
"Again?! I should have known! You shower four times a day!"
"I do not, woman."
"How many showers have you taken today?"
I could never have known how greatly you would impact me when I first talked to you on msn, how I would feel without hardly ever have seen or talked to you face to face, only to wonder if you feel the same? Would you ever feel the same? Talking about everything under the stars…
"I've wanted to be a doctor since I was eight."
"You're on a diet aren't you? Salad and milk, what kind of dinner is that!"
"No…I'm not! My mum makes salad every night for dinner! So I HAVE to eat it and of COURSE I eat other stuff! I'm sixty kilograms too, a perfectly average weight for a 172 centimetre tall girl!"
"…I see, you know, not many girls freely say their weight like that."
"Well, I'm not just any girl then obviously huh?"
A whisper…. "no you aren't…"
My thumb hovering over the 'send' soft key, wondering if you will reply quickly or slowly…the soft beep of the phone tells me the message has been sent and I recline back on my bunk bed, unwilling to leave the cocoon of warmth that is my bed. Instead, I close my eyes and do what I'm seem to be doing so much lately…reliving our conversations, analysing every lilt and tone in your voice, searching…searching for that something.
"Maybe we could go stargazing together someday? You could show me that constellation you were telling me about…"
"Sure, Just give me a call when you're free…"
Our shared love for the stars, the peaceful quiet of the night and the lazy, tired conversations before bed… how did you strike me so suddenly, so deeply? When did my need for your voice become so strong that it takes over my everyday routine and I find myself thinking of you when I least expect it. How do your words evoke such a wild thump in my chest? I feel as if it were trying to break free. This feeling just snuck up on me and hit me over the head…and my head is still dizzy from the after effects.
I slide out from beneath the covers of my bed and my cold feet feel for the fluffy slippers I always wear in winter. I push myself up to brush my teeth and shower, casting a reproachful look at my silent mobile, which hasn't beeped happily announcing a new message since I sent you the message fifteen minutes ago.
"How did your baseball game go? Did you win?"
"YEAH! Pretty close though, now I'm tired."
"Tired? HAHA I guessed. Go and sleep."
"Too tired…how was your day woman? Have fun teaching?"
"Oh, yeah, of course, because teaching kids how to read music is so insanely fun I can barely wait until…"
"No need to be so sarcastic, you know you love them."
"mhmm, you got me…"
I glared at my phone while washing my face, it wasn't beeping goddamnit!
"What about Lips of an Angel, do you know that song?"
"YES! I do!"
"You like it?"
"Yeah, not the best song but it's awesome all the same."
"Hm, I think so too."
I love how when you ask me about a song, your answer echoes mine. I don't know whether you intentionally change your answer to suit mine, or that our tastes are really so similar…
"What about Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan, do you like that?"
"Yeah it's okay…do you like it?"
I guess I do the same to you as well; I've always hated Simple Plan. The phone beeps happily and I grab it, hastily flipping it open to read to message, but it's just from my little sister. We'll b home in 10 mins.
Flipping my phone shut and tossing it just a little angrily onto my bed, I start to get ready for a shower.
"You know what I want to do? Play laser tag."
"I've played it before…it's fun."
"You've done practically everything haven't you?"
"I guess so…you just gotta catch up woman…"
And pleasant tenor laughter.
The water starts to run cold, so I turn the taps off quickly and step out. Turning the heater on hurriedly and drying my hair and body as fast as humanly possible in the hopes of putting many layers of clothing on and hopping back into bed faster.
"Tell me a bedtime story."
"Me?! What kind?"
"I don't know, any."
"So…tell me one."
"I don't know any!"
Our conversations, they range from anywhere between fifty minutes to one and a half hours. The silences are never awkward but comforting. Your hidden messages frustrate me to no end, but then mine probably do the same to you. Being busy and studious with your uni work sometimes means we can't talk and this sometimes near kills me.
Both of us were in bed, half sleeping, half talking on the phone to each other.
"You know, this is almost like we're sleeping in the same room…"
"You're such a guy…"
"Can you hear that?"
"Oh, yeah, why?"
"Did you know that when they chirp it means they're making out?"
Chuckling at me
"Well, did you know that only MALE crickets can chirp?"
Chuckling at him.
The phone beeps softly… thump …my heart
Jus thought ud like 2 know that I found a new cnstellation calld aries. quite cool. Goodnite.
And I can sleep happily now…funny how much I depend on you, and slowly…
I 4got…sweet drms