Expect the Unexpected
How do you choose between your boyfriend and the guy you're in love with? Crazy question, right? You're supposed to be in love with your boyfriend, not some other guy. Before the incident, I thought I was in love with my boyfriend. Although, after a nice smooch from another guy, I realized that I wasn't.
Anyway, so, how do you choose between these two guys? You pick the best kisser, of course. At least, that's what my mom said to do when I asked her.
Quite the supportive one, isn't she?
I honestly thought that I would never get to test that theory. I never thought I'd cheat on my boyfriend. I never thought I'd allow another guy to kiss me, repeatedly, for more than a minute. But I did. And I hated myself for it.
Unfortunately for me, my boyfriend's kissing skills paled in comparison to my crush's. Before I kissed my crush, I thought my boyfriend was an amazing kisser. Afterwards, though, I realized that my boyfriend was inexperienced, sloppy, and way too eager with his lips. My crush, however, knew what he was doing. He used his lips teasingly and gently, and left me eager for more.
I wanted to punch him. The crush, I mean. What an asshole. It was entirely his fault, with his cute smile and perfect teeth and irresistible lips. And he totally initiated the kiss. I knew this was a fact because I distinctly remember being frozen, a statue, for the first few moments of infidelity.
What a fucking ho.
Yeah. I blamed him.
Even though I knew I should have blamed myself.
Because I should have not gone out with my boyfriend while still harboring intense feelings for another guy.
I shouldn't have used him
What a bitch I was.
"Oh…" That's what the crush said after I pulled away from him. That's the eloquent reply that followed our brief moment of insanity. "Wow."
God. Why was I in love with him? He was so stupid.
I, on the other hand, was shaking my head, with my eyes shut, willing for a chance to go back in time and make it all go away.
"What, Laura?" His eyebrows were raised. "Am I that bad of a kisser?"
I glared at him, wanting to lie and shout, 'Yes! You suck!' but being entirely too mature to follow through. I opted to scratch my head. "Honestly, James," I told him, "this isn't about you."
"I just kissed you." He said it slow, like I was retarded or something. What a fucking jerk. "I think it has a lot to do with me."
"I have a boyfriend."
"I know. And I kissed you. You didn't do the kissing. You were the kissee."
"It doesn't matter who kissed who. I still participated."
He rolled his eyes, impatient. "So you kissed another guy? Big deal."
"It's a big deal to me!"
There was a sarcastic snort. "Oh yeah…I forgot. We wouldn't want perfect Kyle to be disillusioned about his perfect girlfriend, would we?"
I gave him a sharp look. "You're such an asshole, James."
He just shrugged. He didn't care. He was selfish. He didn't give a fuck about anybody else's feelings but his own. In fact, I was probably just something to appease him of his boredom for a few minutes.
"Don't take your anger out on me," he told me pointedly." Just because you feel bad—"
"You think that's why I'm mad?" I asked him, incredulous. "Yes, I feel bad, awful, in fact. But you"—I shot him a look—"you don't give a fuck."
He was silent for a few moments. When he spoke, his gaze lingered on mine. "That's what you think?"
I nodded vigorously. "That's exactly what I think."
His head was shaking when he got up from the couch. Without speaking, he retrieved his coat from the chair and walked out the door.
I groaned and hit my head on the arm of the chair. "Nice job, Laura."
"You should totally tell Kyle, Laura. It's better to come from you than from him to hear it through the grapevine or something. He'll just get madder," Sarah advised me over the phone the next day. "I recommend calling Kyle, inviting him somewhere, and telling him in person."
I nodded my affirmation, not that she could see me or anything. I chewed on my bottom lip. "What should I do about James, though?"
She was silent.
"I don't know, Laur," she whispered. "I think it might be best if you just left him alone for a while. Let him straighten things out, you know?"
"Yeah," I lied. I didn't know what James possibly needed to straighten out. He wasn't the one who cheated on his significant other. "Alright. So, I'll call Kyle and invite him to get some dinner. And he'll say yes, because he's wonderful like that, and I'll tell him I kissed James. Good plan?"
I could almost feel Sarah nod and smile on the other end. "Great plan."
Kyle wanted to go to Starbucks. He said he was craving some frappe mocha crap that I thought was disgusting. So when I walked in the tiny restaurant and joined Kyle at his cozy two-top, he greeted me with a chaste kiss on the cheek and a tall hot chocolate.
"Because I know you're not a coffee person," he explained as he handed me the cup.
I grinned appreciatively. "Thanks."
"So, what's up?" he questioned.
"Why do you think something's up?"
"I know you, Laura." He shrugged. "You wouldn't have agreed to come to Starbucks if something wasn't wrong." He smiled a little, but his eyes glinted with concern. My stomach lurched with guilt. "What's up?
I sighed, twiddling with my hot chocolate. "I did something bad, Kyle."
His eyebrows shot up. "Something bad?" he repeated. "Care to elaborate?"
I took my eyes off of my cup and met his probing glance. "I kissed James, Kyle."
The look of concern on his face was instantly replaced with a more surprised, bemused look. He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but then closed it and leaned back in his chair. He ran a hand over his buzz cut. "Wow, Laura." He coughed. "Wow."
"I'm really sorry—"
"When did this happen?"
"Yesterday night," I answered. "He came over to watch a movie—"
"Why was he watching a movie with you, alone, at your house?"
"We weren't alone…my parents were there—"
He scoffed. "They obviously weren't there long enough to be sure their daughter didn't have a tongue duel with the boy next door."
I stared at him. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, my body felt hot—I realized I was angry. Angry at Kyle for reacting this way and angry at myself for expecting him to act any differently. "Look Kyle, I didn't intend for this to happen. It just…happened. I mean, he's my next-door neighbor for God's sake—"
"Oh, so if I went over to my neighbor's house and sucked her face, you wouldn't be upset?"
"I'd be very upset—"
"Exactly." He grabbed his keys, shaking his head. "I can't do this, Laura."
I squinted my eyes at him, panic rising in my throat. "You can't do what?"
"This." He motioned between the two of us. "I can't—we can't—I don't trust you anymore."
I scoffed. "You know what, Kyle? Yeah, I did wrong. Yes, I feel awful for it, but if you're gonna dump me because I kissed some other guy once," I held up a finger, "and then had the guts to admit it…well…I'm convinced that you never really trusted me at all."
He shook his head. "You're right. I never did trust you. You want to know why?"
I just looked at him.
"Because we both know that James isn't just some guy."
I froze. Whoa. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect Kyle to know about my feelings for James. I never planned for that. I was so shocked that, as Kyle walked out the door, my mouth was still wide open.
James was at my house when I drove up, sitting in my driveway. He was propped on his skateboard in front of my garage. I had a striking urge to run him over. Instead, I simply got out of the car and headed for the door.
"Hey," he greeted, standing up hastily.
I ignored him, hurrying to the door.
"C'mon, Laura…don't be like that—"
I whipped around, my hand poised on the doorknob. "Don't be like that?" I repeated, mockingly. "Don't be like that, Laura. That's all you've got to say?"
James's Adam's apple bobbed. He seemed frightened. I felt a rush of pride.
"Do you know that my boyfriend just broke up with me because of you?" I questioned him. My eyebrows arched. I poked him in the shoulder. "Do you?"
"Laura, that's not fair—"
"That's not fair!" I howled, incredulous. "THAT'S NOT FAIR!" I stomped my feet on the pavement. I was certain I looked like a child, but I didn't care. I deserved to have a fit. "Well neither is this! It's not fair that when I finally got someone to like me you had to come and ruin it all! It's not fair that I had the decency and integrity to tell him to his face and he went and broke up with me! It's not fair that you don't give a SHIT about my feelings!" By this time, my fit had increased ten-fold. There were tears running down my face, and my insides were burning with an array of emotions. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and leaned forward. I could hear my dog barking.
James approached me, albeit somewhat reluctantly, and brought me up to a standing position. He had me by the shoulders, forcing me to look into his eyes. He looked just as torn as I felt. "I'm sorry, Laura."
I almost laughed at the sincerity in his voice. I shook my head, sniffling. "You know what really sucks, James?" I tilted my head. My tone was husky.
I looked up at him and removed myself from his grasp. "I think I'm in love with you."
Five hours later I found myself parked outside Kyle's house, chewing on my nails. In a risky move, I told my mom all that had happened that day—about James kissing me and Kyle going ballistic in Starbucks and me admitting to James that I was in love with him—and she decided that I needed to talk to Kyle.
"Laura, you need to talk to him. Make a truce. Get some closure out of this relationship before moving on to another."
Right, Mom. Because I was totally ready for another relationship. I rolled my eyes at the memory.
With my mom's voice in my head (and my chewed down fingernails), I decided it was time to confront my demons. Or demon, in this case. My index finger pressed the doorbell button, and moments later Kyle's mother greeted me, her arms open.
"Laura!" she squealed into my hair. "How are you, darling? I haven't seen you in forever…"
"Hi, Mrs. Holles," I returned, with a genuine smile. It was always nice to see Kyle's mom. "I'm fine, thanks."
"I suppose you're here to see Kyle, then, aren't you, sweetie?" Her voice was sweet, though laced with disappointment. "I'm afraid he's not here, honey."
My eyebrows raised in surprise. "Oh? Where is he?"
"He went over to our neighbor's house, dear," she told me, with a smile, pointing to a quaint two-story across the street. "He finally decided to go over there and spend time with the nice girl from church. I believe they're watching a movie."
"Right." I forced a smile and bade Mrs. Holles a goodnight. I felt sick as I walked back to my car. My sweet Kyle…what happened to him? When did he become so hostile, so vindictive, so…mean?
When you cheated on him, Laura.
I felt sick. My stomach was in knots, my hands all clammy. I wanted to throw up. And I did. I emptied the contents of my stomach right there on Mrs. Holles perfectly manicured grass.
Without thinking, I retrieved a towel from the trunk of my car and wiped my mouth, disgusted. Not only had I made a fool of myself earlier in Starbucks and with my hissy fit in my ultra conservative neighborhood, but now I'd resorted to vomiting on suburban property. I slid to the ground and cradled my head in my hands.
My boyfriend was gone. James knew I was in love with him, and would most likely avoid me for the rest of the year. And then, almost if on cue, black poles sprouted from the grass, and water starting spraying everywhere.
Stupid sprinklers. Of course. What a cherry on top of a fantastic day.
I was wet. I was without a boyfriend. I was wet and boyfriend-less.
My eyes traveled across the street, where the quaint house stood stoic amongst the trees, and where—no doubt—my ex-boyfriend was getting his revenge, sucking face with the sweet church going girl across the street. I stood up and stared at the house, exhausted, for what seemed like hours. And then, in a random burst of energy, I flew across the street, and hurled my puke-stained towel at her glass door.
Feeling pleased with myself, despite my wet condition, I got in the car and drove off.
That was all the closure I needed.
A/N: That's the end to my little one-shot! Thanks for reading:)