Part 1: June 2007
AN: So… I guess there's not a lot to be said about this, except that I was bored and randomly decided to catalogue all of the funny things that people said throughout the course of my senior year.
That means that this story will be thirteen chappys long, June 2007 to June 2008.
Also, this story is dedicated in memoriam of my angel who clipped her own wings, Karly Abigail Randall. She will be missed.
(In the car with Britty's dad)
Luci: It was scary as hell—
Britty's Dad: (surprised look)
Luci: I mean shit—
Britty's Dad: (amused look)
Britty: (Bursts out laughing)
Luci: Where's the self-censor button on this thing?
(Talking to my friends in VA)
Karly: My dad wants us to go out in a pontoon boat when you come in to visit.
Luci: Why would we go out on a pontoon boat?
Kyle: What's a pontoon?
Kyle: Is it that thing girls use on their period?
Karly and Luci: (bursts out laughing)
Derrick: That's a tampon, baby.
(Happy Father's Day!)
Mom: Did you call your father?
Luci:No! Why would I do that???
Mom: Because it's FATHER'S DAY!
Luci: Oh yeeeeah...
Conclusion: It takes my family a very long time to form sentences...
(On MySpace, talking about the anti-shoplifting signs in the mall)
Luci: Haha, the thing is, they used to have that sign
Luci: a) in the pet store
Luci:LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO STICK A FUCKING POODLE IN YOUR POCKET!
Luci: and b) at the Different Twist.
Luci: I mean, what the hell?
Kelly: Haha, I want my free ride.
(Referring to the fact that the signs say, "Free ride in a cop car if you shoplift from this store!")
(At the mall)
Kelly: Omigosh, I haven't seen you in so long.
Luci: I know!
(in reality we saw each other five minutes ago)
Kelly: May I touch you in a pleasing manner?
Luci: You may.
Kelly: (strokes arm)
Luci: May I touch you in pleasing manner?
Kelly: Yes you may.
Luci: (strokes arm)
Luci: I hate girls. They're such bitches.
Karly: Aren't you bi?
Karly: You did it with me.
Karly: Or were you just very drunk?
Luci: Shut up! Your boyfriend was fucking Kyle that night!
Karly: If I were a gay man, I'd fuck Kyle, too.
Okay, maybe that one was just a little sad… But I thought it was funny.
Luci: So I was walking to my car the other day…
Luci: And I saw this lady I recognized from the deli.
Luci: The sandwich lady.
Luci: So I made up this song…
Luci: (loud off-key singing)
Luci: You are the sandwich lady!
Luci: Hey there, sandwich lady!
Luci: Go, go, sandwich lady.
Luci: Now I think maybe I'm creative.
Derrick: I think you're just retarded.
(On MySpace IM)
Luci: I am so glad the only guy who would want to see my underwear is a dirty, horny homo.
Luci: I MEAN HOBO!
(In Bath & Body Works)
Luci: (picks up lotion and body wash for her mum's birthday present)
Saleslady: Both of those are on sale for five dollars apiece.
(these particular lotions and such are usually ten to fifteen dollars and Luci is unemployed)
Luci: Omigod, I love you! You're my new hero!
Saleslady: (looks at Luci like she's crazy)
Luci: I promise I'm not on anything.
Jessica: I wish school was still in.
Luci: Haha, noob.
Luci: Go away now.
Kenason: I'm about to kick Stephen in the balls.
Kenason:He fucking hit me with a damned Twizzler!
Luci: Hahaha, Kenason got beat up by LICORICE!
(Reading billboards on the way to the airport)
Billboard 1: Hey Look! A Big Purple Rectangle!
Luci: Oh! I get it! Because the billboard is painted purple… yeah…
Luci: (bursts out laughing)
John: Just go to sleep now.
Billboard 2: Nickled and dimed? I feel like I've been quartered!!!
Luci: OH! I GET IT!
John: Perfect football conditions!
Brett: Perfect conditions?
Brett: The clouds are on the ground!
(Singing "Who Are You" by The Who)
John: Whooooooooooo are you?
Zach: Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!
Lary: (steals Mum's hat and puts it on)
Luci: Omigod, you look so gay.
Luci: (turns to Mum) Doesn't he look gay?
Luci: (turns back to Lary) You look really gay.
(Picking "code names" for the walkie-talkies)
John: I want to be Barracuda!
John: And Lary can be Sparrow!
John: Barracuda to Sparrow, over…
Mum: Can I be Little Duck?
John: Yeah, and Luci can be Wonder Bread!
(because I'm so pale white…)
Luci: Look! Penguins!
Luci: I love penguins!
b Penguin : (projectile-shits into the pond thing)
Luci: That penguin just POOPED!
Seriously folks, I don't know if you've ever seen a penguin poop, but they shoot shit like, ten feet away. It's fucking bizarre…
John: Barracuda to Wonder Bread, over!
(Discussing Edgar Allan Poe)
Luci: I thought "The Raven" was a humorous piece.
Laura: You thought it was funny?
Luci: Yeah, didn't you?
Luci: I mean, he was talking to a DEAD CHICK.
Luci: Talk about wacky.
Megan: That's just creepy.
Luci: Oh shut up!
Luci: You thought the Starburst commercial was funny.
Luci: They got eaten in the end!
Laura and Megan: …
Luci: Tengo mucho hambre!
John: Just shut up.
John: The rest of us don't speak Beaner.
John: Barracuda to Casper, over…
Luci: This soda can smells like a balloon!
Luci: Is there latex in aluminum?
John: Yes, Luci.
(Bored, while skipping school)
Britty: Random fact about Luci!
Nick: She's really loud during sex.
Luci: (chokes on soda)
John: Barracuda to Marshmallow Puff, over…
Nick: If you could make me into anything, what would it be?
Luci: A man.
Nick: Yeah, well… I could say the same to you.
Luci: You'd make me a man?
Luci: That's really gay.
Luci: Britty would give her left nut to be in here.
Luci: Oh, you know what I mean!
(Peering eagerly out the window of the trolly)
Luci: Omigod, look! A real-life beaner!
Luci: (notices the Mexican sitting next to him)
Luci: Oh uhm…
Luci: My, but you're handsome!
John: Barracuda to Snow White, over…
Luci: Give me the remote.
Luci: I can't believe you just called me that!
Britty: Luci, I can see your underwear.
Britty: And they don't cover your ass.
Luci: They're called cheekies.
Luci: Yeah, that's what the tag says. Because they show your cheeks.
Mum: I fell down the stairs when I was pregnant with John.
Luci: So that explains it…
Britty: Luci, I can see your cheekies.
AN: Well, I guess this is pretty much it for June. Not that much happened. July will be more interesting, I promise.
And if it's not, I'll make some stuff up. XD
♥'s and X-Rated Thoughts—Luci-chan