"Goin' somewhere shady

Gone an' find a lady

She wanna have my baby

Foo', I tell her she crazy…"

"Turn it down Ed!" I bellowed from the passenger seat

"Erin, you don't need to scream in the car!" Momma snapped as we turned into the Las Cruces La Quinta

"He doesn't need to blare that damn music either!"


With a sigh I turned on the radio only to find that damn music station

Without batting an eyelid at the bawdy lyrics, I began fiddling with the dials

Personally ,I just would have liked to listen to some Bossa Nova but banda music would have to do

Las Cruces wasn't anything special, not if you ask me. Albaquerque's way better and has more boys

"Yo! I'm getting kinda crunk

Watch yo' ass, punk

I'll get you in a big shit funk

Foo', yo' ship's sunk!"

"Ed…if I have to tell you one more time…"

"Camillas or roses, Erin?"


"For Daddy."


We drove in silence for a moment and I asked, "Why does he need new ones?"

"Just thought'd it'd be nice, that's all…"

"Don't listen to that bitch, buy him the best!"

Laughing despite her best efforts, Mother corrected his languaged and snorted into my book, no surprise there, Ed, but you made me that way…you and Daddy

"Erin, we're going to have to pick a color…"

"Blue," I said without thinking better of it, blue like his eyes

"Camillas aren't blue, Erin…"

"They should be."

"Is there something we need to talk about?"

I shook my head

We bought white roses for his grave

They put them in the sunken vase—I stayed in the car thinking about his eyes

His ice-blue eyes

Those cold, pale eyes I have trouble remembering nearly seven years later

Now that I think about it, it wasn't seven years—not back then

It was barely seven months

Here I sit in a freezing summer school lobby, seven years later while my mom and brother buy Daddy new flowers, maybe camillas and I try to remember his eyes

His glacier-esque eyes