Discarded

You've traded away your love. Sold your soul and broken down the barrier. There is nothing but slithering apathy and disinterest. My constant devotion and faith are my gift to you and that's all I have to give. There is nothing but a hollow inside me but I keep giving and I keep breaking down and I feel fractures turning themselves into broken bones all throughout my body. My structure is collapsing and all that control and all that strength is slowly slipping away and as I try to grip at it harder it slides father away, dripping through frozen fingertips. I wish I could sob but that would require emotions and you've taken all those away. I need to get this out of me. Whatever it is that's inside is tearing me up. My own mind has become a parasite and only knows how to damage and destroy. It slowly wears away at my body with the emotional rollercoaster that it creates. Layers of angst build up on my facial features and it all just ages me indefinitely. I can't face myself in the mirror and my tears are just simple reminders of how weak I have become. Time is a curse and it bleeds in and out of me just like the relationships I fuel with priceless lies and fake farewells. I am the same twisting mess of cables that I was back then but now I've somehow managed to entrap another. It's not about the lies I tell myself but it's about the lies that I soak up; the ever eager sponge. I'll trust in anything: pills, powders, spells, concoctions. Poison me and I'll love you even more. I am such a sad sad little girl. Twisting in my own pain and apathy and melancholy I am forever wrapped in the same cycle of self defeat and self deceit. I will rip myself into cookie cutter shreds and pass them out to others; business cards edged with blood. I have gashes everywhere that are cleverly hidden with pale tape and playful lies. I am innocuous and toxic with a warning label proudly sewn to my chest. I draw you in only to spit you back out: still screaming the entire time "help me, help me," It's always a game of who can save the sinking merbeauty from her own predetermined fate. I am the world's only self shaped mess. A wreck, if you will, created by feeding off the blood and tears of everyone else's still smoldering carcasses. I am rotten inside. Carved out and hollowed with others' knives. I laugh and laugh and proclaim: "You can't save me now."