This story is written as a very belated 'congratulations-you-better-make-me-a-godmother-of-your-kids!' engagement present to my friend Cecile.
Apparently, Cee actually likes my sense of humour, especially in writing (shocker!) so this is for you Cee and I really hope Colt doesn't mind the inaccurate portrayal of his character represented in this piece.
Now without further ado… I command thee to read! xD
"What do you mean you've got your period? It's your wedding day!" The disbelieving voice of the head bridesmaid stared at the star girl of the eventful day. Silence dominated the stunned room of girls bristling with excitement literally almost seconds ago.
Lisa Campbell wondered just how she was going to walk out the room and down the aisle then announce to the crowd the bride had issues and preferred to postpone the wedding upon irrational desire.
"LOOK! LOOK!" Celeste Angora, soon to be Celeste Walters, held up a fisted bunch of her smoothly pristine white satin dress's with numerous layers to the classic Cinderella ball gown she had on, shrieking uncontrollably as Lisa, her head bridesmaid gaped in delayed hysteria at the giant red stain marring the flawless expensive custom made garment that Celeste had pre-ordered seven months ago.
"You're screwed," was all Lisa could manage to choke out as a bang on the door and a muffled shout of," Girls, are you ready?" reached the room full of shocked faces.
"I come bearing gifts!" An adorable little toddler wobbled into the room, her flower girl's costume streaked in caking mud. There were smears of dirt on her cheeks, her grubby little hands held fistfuls of wilted weeds and behind her scrambled Melissa, a frantic mother - the older sister of the bride to be exact, a somewhat sheepish expression on her face.
A shrug was all she could offer as an explanation accompanied with an eye roll as if to say,' You know how your niece is like.'
"MY WEDDING IS RUINED!" Celeste wailed as she felt another rush of sticky liquid soak her doomed $4900 wedding dress.
"I can't find my earrings!" Someone wailed mournfully in the background, crawling on all fours in search of her brand new earrings she bought specifically for this occasion to show off. That someone in question didn't seem to notice, care, or remember that crawling on all fours tends to wrinkle your flawlessly ironed bridesmaid dress.
And like always, Murphy's Law promised it was going to get worse.
"A strong northerly gust has bought rain clouds to Florida instead of Alabama –" Lisa and Celeste turned to the weather forecast man on television in sporadic unison, horrified.
"WHY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?" Celeste threw her hands up in the air, wailing and screaming like a banshee at a picture of Jesus Christ upon his bloody crucifix.
"Shh, it's okay honey, just calm down –" Lisa tried to consol the panicking bride,
"HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN? MY WEDDING IS RUINED!" Eyes bulged out in emphasis as a stray limp whacked into a person in the background.
"Ow!" Shrieked Cassidy, the maid of honor the bride had just smacked fully in the nose.
"Oh God, I'm going to have a red nosed maid of honor!" Hysteric giggles poured from Celeste as tears started ruining the eye makeup she had spent so many hours perfecting earlier on.
"Um, Cee? Hate to interrupt your wedding jitters but the pageboy has constipation," someone interrupted the hysteric bride's giggling, holding up a text message with the words Jack's constipated, postpone the wedding clearly written across the scene.
"THAT'S IT! I'M NOT MARRYING ANYONE!" Celeste screamed, frustrated sobs welling up her throat.
"WHAT?" An enraged masculine voice shouted and Celeste Angora woke up with a start.
Gasping and shaking, she looked around the living room of her mother's, finding her head lying on the lap of her (outraged looking) fiancé's.
A smile blossomed on her face as reality sunk in.
"AHHHH!" She screamed, the only way she could expel all the highflying emotions that had her so high strung and worried from the remains of her nightmare.
"Why are you not marrying me?" Her hurt and furious looking fiancé glared at her as he yanked her upwards onto his lap so she was straddling him and locked in a tight grip.
"Bad dream?" She laughed weakly, still delirious with relief and giddiness.
Her fiancé stared at her.
"Don't ask," she muttered before giggles overwhelmed her again. It took at least twenty minutes for her to calm down. She felt surreal but glad it was all a terrible dream.
"Uh, are you feeling okay?" Her fiancé questioned, looking worried and less visibly angry, feeling her forehead with concerned gentleness.
"Perfect!" Cee grinned at her bemused fiancé before reaching into his pocket and dialing frantically.
"Emma? It's Cee! How are Jack's bowels?" She blurted into the phone while her astonished mother walked into the living room at the wrong time into the conversation, carrying with her a plate of freshly made brownies.
"This is not happening to me," Cole Walters muttered, closing his eyes in a desperate bid to shut out reality.
"THE KITCHEN'S ON FIRE! THE TOILET'S OVERFLOWING! THERE'S A PREGNANT COW EATING YOUR SOCKS!" Cole Walters leapt out of bed, staring at the alarm clock that was shrieking nonsense from his bedside table in a booming voice.
He felt the beginnings of a headache coming on.
"Man, did you just get up? Today's your wedding!" His best friend walked into his bedroom, ruffling through his wardrobe.
Cole stared out the window, looking vigilantly for any signs of rain bearing Nimbostratus clouds.
He saw only Cirrostratus.
Relief washed over him.
"Come on, out some jammies on and stop staring at the sky, forecast said it's gonna be sunny all day. Yo, shut that thing up!" A hand clapped onto his shoulder and Cole slammed back to reality, banging a fist onto the still shrieking clock that he still didn't know where it came from.
A man's worse nightmare.
Looking at the bedside frame with a picture of his beautiful Celeste, he shook his head ruefully, wondering if martial sex was better than pre-martial ones.
"Stop leering at nothing and get a move on!" A voice snapped at him and he rushed into the shower, slamming the door behind him.
His wedding day.
Perfection never delivered on demand but a smile crept upon the handsome twenty-seven year old's face nonetheless.
"Sorry, he just went into the shower, I'll tell him to call you back later alright?" He heard his best friend's voice through the droplets of water thudding the shower floor and laughed to himself softly.
Why get so worked up?
He'd leave the worrying to the woman.
And if things go wrong and all end in disaster, at the end of the day, he'd still get the girl.
Marriage would only legally tie them. Their hearts united a long time ago.
Seven hours later, Celeste Angora, hopefully Celeste Walters by the end of the day groaned as she rushed around the dressing room looking for a tampon.
"What do you mean you've got your period? It's your wedding day!" The disbelieving voice of the head bridesmaid stared at the star girl of the eventful day. Silence dominated the stunned room of girls bristling with excitement literally almost seconds ago…
... I was on the phone to a friend, talking about our lives in twenty year's time when I suddenly cracked up and asked what she'd do if she got her period on her wedding day -.- and the word 'wedding' bought Cecile tying the knot to mind...