'Teach Me How To Cry'
-These are one of the many side-effects of having a father like mine-
Elise's point of view…after Trauma
Little Elise sat on the couch pulling the sandy blond hair off the Barbie doll. She laughed at it as a chunk of hair got pulled off. She cackled like an evil little something as she threw the doll to the wall, hitting her "target". The vase fell over with a loud crash and Elise leapt off the couch and trotted over to her room, Mick trailing after her. She smiled at the little dog and patted his head as she sat down on the bed.
Said dog sat on her lap as she fell to the bed. Elise lifted the dog up to an arm's length and smiled again. "I'm going to go sleep, when I wake up later we'll go take a walk!" She exclaimed, slightly tired. She was that kind of kid who knew when her nap time was exactly. Elise closed her eyes and laid the dog back down beside her.
She rubbed her eyes and pulled the thin beige blanket off her and leapt off the bed, a bit like how she'd leapt of the couch four hours ago. "MICK!" She yelled pulling on a dark blue coat that reached up her knees; it was a gift from her aunt who just flew back from England two weeks ago.
Panic took over her entire being when there was no bark in reply. Elise ran around the house, not caring if her parents would catch her running. That dog was special to her; her best friend gave her that dog. He'd be disappointed if something happened to the dog. She called out to the dog once again.
As she searched under the couch, she heard loud foot steps, like someone was walking down the—uh-oh.
"Uhm, hi Daddy," She smiled as she dusted off her coat. Her dad put a hand on her head and flashed a tight smile. "What have you been doing all day?" Elise let out a nervous chuckle, at this rate she was going to start chewing on her hair again. As her father walked to the kitchen to grab a mug of coffee, Elise reached for a strand of blond hair and – "Let go, Elise," her father ordered sternly. "Yes, sir,"
She nodded before looking away, since her eyes were starting to get moist. Her lower lip was shaking and her eyes were starting to sting. She couldn't bite the tears back this time. "DADDY I LOST MY DOG!" She yelled turning to run to her father. Elise clung on to her dad's leg as she sobbed. "Daddy, please help me find him!" She looked up at her father, with hopeful dark brown eyes, pouting.
Her father shook her off his leg which made Elise fall back against the one of the dark colored cabinet doors. The tears, they were there and Elise could tell that her father wasn't happy. Mr. Williams grabbed the little girl's wrist; she didn't struggle to get loose. He tightened his grip; Elise winced but made no motion to get away.
With one swift throw, Elise was on the couch. "What did I tell you about crying?" Elise sobbed; her father glared. "No…crying in the house," she whispered looking down at her shoes. Her father nodded. "Good, so stop,"
"He's not important," and with a seventh slap and one last drag across the floor after she protested for the hundredth time, her dad walked up the stairs. Leaving little Lise and the bruises on her knees.
Show me that you care:
I adjusted the cuffs of the black polo shirt Daniel owned. He let me borrow it today since I slept over at his house last night and I forgot to bring an extra shirt. I just ran away from home two weeks ago and now I was going to see my "family" again. I was just really happy Daniel agreed to come with me. He turned to the corner and glanced at me with a smile. "So, if you aren't going to break down on your dad's funeral, are you breaking down on mine?" He joked, I could tell but to me, this was something serious.
I slapped him on the arm and rolled my eyes. "Don't talk about things like that," I hissed at him in a slightly high-pitched voice. He laughed but then looked at me, staring me down. "Seriously Lise, would you?" I shrugged, he frowned. "C'mon Lise, just imagine me –dying,"
I did imagine what it would be like when –if Daniel died. Rachel, Zara and a few other people would be either crying or stopping themselves…or the rest could be glaring at me for standing on the sidelines not crying and trying to find some sort of humor in this. Daniel always told me to find humor in sad things.
He stopped the car and parked at the driveway of my house. I saw my parents, wiping their wet eyes with tissue, their eyeliner running. My brothers and sisters were all huddled together sobbing. I was there, with Daniel grinning like a maniac. He looked at me and shook his head with a smile. Everyone was staring at us by now and Daniel had introduced himself to my mother as my fiancé. She gasped but didn't say anything afterwards. Okay, so half the family disapproved of him and heck, they hated him to bits but I didn't care. I loved him –even though he doubted that secretly.
I did! I guess he was just…I don't know…jealous of the fact that Rachel actually cried when Zara proposed to her after thinking that Zara had no feelings for her whatsoever. I just grinned and hugged him. He wasn't too happy about that but still, he never said anything.
That night, after the funeral; Daniel was still in his blazer and jeans. He was reading a book on couch and I was chewing on a crunch bar while flipping through pages of an old magazine. My eye lids were starting to feel heavy, like I couldn't open them anymore.
All of a sudden, I could feel his hands snake around my waist and someone breathing against my neck. I giggled and rolled my eyes at myself. "Dani I'm sleepy," He moved up to meet my lips and grinned before kissing me. "Then sleep," he rolled his eyes and picked me up from the couch. I didn't struggle or anything like that as he carried me to the bedroom.
Gently, he laid me down on the bed and put my head on the pillow. He pulled the thin white blanket over me and got in bed himself. "So, you haven't answered my question, would you?" Knowing what he was talking about a nodded sleepily and rolled over to his side, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek. "If I knew how,"
He frowned and shook his head. "Crying is not easy, I know but honestly, when was the last time you did?" I sighed and inched closer, "Long time ago…"
"Figures," He muttered under his breath. "What's so good about it anyway, I mean…"
He didn't give me time to finish talking. "At least you don't keep your feelings all bottled up inside," He rolled his eyes but wrapped his arms around me. "And it's not I'm telling you to cry everyday, I'm just saying, sometimes it's just…a sign…that you care,"
This got me mad. A little. "Dani, you…you don't think I care?" I asked, appalled. He bit his lip before shaking his head negatively. "No, Lise, it isn't like that, I'm just saying…"
"Never mind, let's just sleep," He suggested. I could've asked him to continue what he was about to say but his suggestion sounded so…so…something, I lost all power to stay awake. I brushed his dark brown hair away from his forehead and kissed his cheek one more time. I put my head against his chest and smiled up at him; he smiled back and kissed my forehead. "Night Lise,"
I yawned and then smiled again. "Night…"
I fought back. I wanted to yell at the people who told me they tried everything. I didn't believe them. He didn't deserve this. Zara exited the operating room and shook his head, wrapping his arms around me, Rachel doing this same thing as I gritted my teeth.
This was all I could do, grit my teeth and get mad at the people who say they tried it all. Everything, everything to save him. I was mad at Zara but I couldn't completely lash out on him since he was and still is a friend of Daniel's and not to mention Rachel's fiancé. It just wasn't fair. Not at all. I touched the bruise on my left wrist and winced, no salty liquid came from my eyes.
I wanted to bang that wrist against the wall so it'd hurt so much. But Zara and Rachel were there. They were going to stop me. My Daniel, he never…he never deserved to end like this. He didn't deserve to leave me for me. I hate my dad. For all the enemies his managed to stock up on as I was growing up. They were all after me now and when one attempted to shoot…he got something else.
I wrapped his black blazer around me, the one he let me use when we took a walk after my father's funeral. Rachel wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at her brother's grave. I did the same thing only there were no tears. There wasn't anything running down my cheeks. Right now Daniel would most probably be thinking that I didn't care.
Rachel walked back to the tables of the tent sort of thing and sat beside the other people either crying or like I said trying to hold the tears back. Zara enveloped his fiancée in a hug and let her burry her head in his neck as he stroked her hair.
I stared at his grave and in my mind I could see Daniel's blue eyes staring at me then I could see him smiling at me. "You don't have to cry if you don't want to, Lise," I heard him say. I smiled, despite the heavy feeling in my heart. I knelt down and touched the cold grave stone and sighed. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hoping my eyes would finally decide to sting. I swore to God I felt him wrap his arms around me like he usually did. I closed my eyes and felt warm regardless of the weather. I imagined him wrapping his an arm around my shoulder and one around my waist, the hand on my stomach. "Take care of her," He whispered.
"I love you…" I bit my lip. "I love you too," I whispered back. I thought about how he wanted me to cry and now I knew why. He wanted to experience what it was like to comfort me and just sit beside me letting me sob as he stroked my hair and told me everything was going to be okay.
I sighed and smiled again. And as I stood up and continued to stare down at his grave. I felt the feeling I've always needed to feel and one feeling I would never forget. Then a small, tear rolled down my cheek and once I again I swore to God…I saw him smile.
Before he walked away, into that bright light called heaven. He waved and laughed, "It's going to be okay, Lise, I promise," I nodded and stopped biting my lip. No other tears came but I could tell…he was already satisfied.
SpellCheck: Heh. Everyone….I need a review.