Once upon a fair frown timeline, there was a little Jack Rabbit who said, "The wind in this town gives me the goosies."
"No" said Tinker Nipple, in that superior tone that we are all loathe to hate. "It is the town in this wind that gives you the goosies."
"What are goosies?" enquired Frog Licker trying to be cool like the rest of them. Well on this fine day as the young boys and girls squabbled over the term 'goosies' and the amount of kilojoules in cola, in another part of the world something much more important was happening.
The Count of Pimpletonia was doing a happy bunny dance. His audience found it quite off, because the Count was not a rabbit at all, but a HARE! At that very moment, some passing bunnies decided to attack the poor little Count of Pimpletonia because he had stolen their dance. By then had given it up, but it was too late. The bunnies all went out for napkin-flavoured milkshakes. But one sad bunny, by the name of Jilly Joe James, was in a torment.
But nobody cared about him so I'll just tell you the story of Mr Adam's Apple. Now it was a fine day by the pool and Mr Adam's Apple laid down next to the pool and started to retell the story of his one true love:
"It was a lovely day," Mr Adam's Apple remembered. "I was half way to forgetting that my shoes were filled with sand and just as I bent down to remove the dunes from my shoes, a gorgeous man caught my eye. 'Mmmm he's attractive,' I told the woman sitting next to me. 'Umm,' she had said, 'that in fact is a woman.' 'Oh,' I said, 'I don't believe you.' 'Well,' she said, 'I'll prove it.' She hurled one of the biggest rocks on the ground at the poor beautiful looking man/woman. 'Oh my god who the fuck threw that rock!' Yep it was definitely a woman, she had used that stupid little accent that stupid little American women use when there so full of the magazine lifestyle. Anyway I decided to pursue my fight for this woman."
'I like your accent,' I lied.
'I like your sincerity,' she nodded.
'I like your manliness.'
'I like your femininity and your sand and your skill at rock throwing. Let's get married.'"
So I got married to this gorgeous angel. Pamelton adored the magazine lifestyle, she had page numbers on the bottom of all her dresses and owned a little Chihuahua dog like all the snobby magazine people own. Like Paris Hilton, whom she looked up to because she was much shorter than Paris Hilton."
Pamelton had no record of her background and it was rumoured that her father (whom she had never met) was once the factory worker at the horse shoe glue factory. Now there's a big story behind that rumour, but in fact Mr Adam's Apple's father was also a factory worker at the horse shoe glue factory and this was some HUGE COINCIDENCE that neither Pamelton or Mr Adam Apple could come to terms with. Now since they were so keen to find out who Pamelton's parents were they went to a place that allegedly held all her records. It told her that in fact it was her father that worked in the horse shoe glue factory and it was in fact the same father that MR ADAMS APPLE HAD!
They were disgusted, revolted, dam right eaten out of their guts that they had in fact shared their love dramatically every night since the wedding. They had planned to have at least fifty-four children, with the first set of twins on the way. Everything was ruined but they could not deny the love they held for each other.
So they went to a support group for sibling lovers. There they met many other couples in a similar situation to their own. It made them think that it was not wrong, if so many people followed the trend, and they had dinner that very night with a hairy-eyed couple from the very group. They ate china plates and the lady with hair protruding from her eyeballs had crabs. She also ordered crabs.
But that night Pamelton slept on her pile of magazines, not in the bath tub with Mr Adams Apple. She had read in one of her magazines that brotherly love was going out of style. Mr Adams Apple was terrified of losing her, so that night Mr Adams Apple snuck into the store room at her work (she worked to financial trend eating magazine) and he decided to compose a new article and submit it as annonnymouse. (he could not spell). The other articles said all the usual things that gets one into in the world, the generic stereotypes and recipes for cellulite and custard tarts. Mr Adams Apple was so intrigued by the women's world that he forgot what he had come in for... and it stayed that way.
Pamelton left her brother and found a new partner. She had later found out this woman was her long lost unidenticle twin that had been separated from her at birth. By now you can see how horribly messed up Pamelton was and in her misery she decided to commit suicide, seeing as the only people that loved her physically were close family.
Pameleton decided to try every drug in the book to take all at the one time to make sure she succeeded at killing herself. she robbed the pharmacy of laxatives, anal support drugs, vitamins abcdefghij and k, anti depressants, fat burning liquid, garlic tablets, gonorrheae drugs, clogged artery pain killers, and all the usual Panadol, aspro clears, Nurafin and Panamax.
None of the drugs worked. She turned to the anti depressants as a last resort and these, miraculously, made her un-depressed. She decided to stop complaining and go get her cutlery set back from her sister.
A day or two later she realised that her parents (whom she had met the day before) only had her through IVF because her twin sister had cancer and in order to keep her alive they needed Pameleton's kidneys. Pameleton was so furious with rage that her parents were so self centred that she took them straight to court and ordered a right to take care of her own body. She was happy that she won and was just about to go home and celebrate when she got hit by a car and was traumatically flattened by the impact of the bull bar that she died instantly and no body even cared ::(