I can't tell which hurts me more

The fact that he hates me

Or that he loves my friends

The ones that he used to hate

The fact that he ignores me

Or tells people that we aren't friends

The fact that he touched me

Or that after I didn't let him

He left

(Only it wasn't right away)

I knew this would happen.

I was too attached

(And still am)

I was too young

(And still am)

I was too immature

And naïve

And it looks like I've paid the price

It looks like that's what happens

When you put down your guard and trust

But I guess maturity couldn't come without experience

And experience comes with pain

Everything in life costs something from someone

I just wish I didn't have to pay the price.

But it was my fault

So leave me alone.

He's not totally to blame.

I should have handled it better…

So it's fine

It's my fault

I'll be better

I'll move on

Someday

And hopefully soon

When I grow up

And he grows up

And when I am stronger

But for now just don't blame him

It'll make me feel a lot worse

He's not a bad person

Just made bad choices

(And crushed me...)

But brokenness can be mended

And hearts can heal

Just not right away

Someday

I will be whole again.

And the sight of people holding hands and smiling

Won't make me want to cry

And the silence in a dark place

With a certain air

And music in the background

Won't make me cringe

One day I'll be better

Someday I'll be fine.