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Bob: (At a sleepover) Psssst... Eric… When you're taking a bath, Mr. Bubblebath, the soapy demon, will come and kill you!
Me: I'm never bathing again…
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Dylan: Why don't all the countries just nuke each other now and get it over with…?
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From a comic book:
Some guy talking to a cripple: Why did the chicken walk
across the road?
Cripple in a wheelchair: Why?
The guy: Because it COULD.
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Nasco: Why do people think chemicals are bad? Take water for instance, it's a chemical, and it's a vital component in beer!
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Me: I'm awake, in my room… Totally alone… (Turns to the bed across the room) Hey Rob, being alone is lonely ain't it…
Rob: Shut up I'm trying to sleep!
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Me: Curling is a real sport you know… It's in the Olympics.
Nancy: LIAR! It's made up!
Me: Canadian's play it a lot, so I hear…
Nancy: Well… Canadian's are a myth too!
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Eddie: You know why my dad's cookies are called "Killer Cookies?"
Me: Ummmmm… Because their big?
Eddie: Nope, because they have a lot of peanut butter, but he says they don't, and people who are deadly allergic to peanut butter eat them… hehe…
Me: (Jokingly) chokes chokes
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Josie: I had this dream last night… My friend was a brain dead person… What was the scientific name?
Me: A vegetable?
Josie: Yeah that's it…
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Me: I had this dream last night where there was an army of robotic Barney's trying to get into China from the Great Wall, so the could educate the Chinese people, so the Chinese were defending their borders with plasma weaponry and were riding Ghosts, it was like Barney, The History Channel, and Halo combined…
Josie: Wow… Are you pregnant, Eric?
Me: Are you?
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Me: (Thinking to myself): Why don't we export the illegal immigrants to Greenland?
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Random Kid: Dude, I'm dieing of a terminal illness that will kill me one day… Can I please have a dollar?
Me: Awww… Ok. (Hands over the Dollar) What's the disease called?
Random Kid: Life… (Walks away)
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Nicole: (At Thanksgiving): What's so nasty about putting the peas and the mashed potatoes together, watch. (Puts peas and mashed potatoes in the spoon and puts it in her mouth.) EWWW! YUCK! NASTY! (Spits it out)
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