A/N: And so we have come to the end. This, my loyal, wonderful readers, will be the final chapter in To Find Yourself. But don't fret! I plan to re-write this, and then I'll even consider doing a sequel. Thank you all so much for having joined me in the trials of Jayde and Mikey. We've been through their highest and lowest points, we've laughed, cried, smiled, squealed…everything. You all inspired me to continue when, otherwise, I would have quit ages ago. Indeed, this is the very first story I have ever finished.

But hey, just because this is the last chapter doesn't mean you shouldn't review! I LOVE reviews and I'd like to get even more from you all. Let me know what you'd like to see fixed in the rewrite, and tell me if a sequel is a good idea. Hell, you can even give suggestions for things you want to happen in the sequel. But I've talked long enough. Let's finish this, eh?

Epilogue: Silver and Cold, Pt. III

"Cold in life's throes, I'll fall asleep for you. Cold in life's throes, I only ask you turn away. Cold in life's throes I'll fall asleep for you. Cold in life's throes, I only ask you turn…as they seep…into me…Oh, my beautiful one…" -AFI, Silver and Cold

Michael arrived at the hospital minutes later and quickly went about losing the young woman in the bustling crowd in the emergency room. There was a woman at a desk not far from him, so he pushed his way over.

The woman was on the phone, so Mikey tried his best to be polite and wait, but this was taking too long.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he said, trying to gain her attentionbut she only held up a finger, telling him to wait. He tried the waiting thing once more but quickly grew agitated. Jayde could be dying, for all he knew!

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry, but I'm looking for something and I need your help," he said, crossing his arms impatiently. The woman glanced up at him briefly. His face was contorted in worry and he was on the verge of tears. Something about his appearance must have touched her heart because the second she saw him, she heaved a sigh and bid farewell to whoever she was on the phone with.

"What can I help you with, sweetheart?" she asked after hanging up. Mikey cringed at the nickname, but spoke anyways.

"Could you please tell me where Jayden Hall is?" he asked, relieved that he had finally gotten her attention.

"That depends; Are you related to him?"

Michael contemplated what he should tell her. If he lied and claimed to be someone he wasn't, Elijah, for instance, then he would definitely get to see Jayde. Unfortunately, when the real Elijah showed up, he would be in trouble. If he told her that they were just close friends, then she probably wouldn't allow him visiting rights. Finally, he thought about the consequences of telling her the truth. It would depend solely on her opinion of him and his sexuality whether or not he would be able to be with Jayde or not. With a sigh, he opted to go with that option.

"Well, we're sort of…together. You know…boyfriends," he explained, somewhat sheepishly. It wasn't that he was ashamed to admit it, because he wasn't, but the fact that he was admitting it to a complete stranger added to his hesitancy a bit. What if she was completely disgusted by him?

"You mean, you're a couple?" she asked.

He nodded and allowed a small bit of hope begin to shine through. She didn't sound completely grossed out, just a bit shocked. Of course, she really might be grossed out by him but unable to show it through the shock, but at least there was a chance.

Moments later, a small smile flitted across her features and he felt his heart lift a bit. He knew that she would help him get what he needed. "Alright, dear. Just give me a moment to find out what I need."

She tapped a few keys upon the keyboard, then glanced up at him. "Jayden Hall, right? He just got out of surgery. They have him in the post-op area. He'll be getting situated in a more permanent room soon so I'll have the doctor tell you when he can have a visitor. Only one at a time, mind you, so if his blood relatives show up, I'm afraid they have priority rights and can take your place."

"I understand. Thank you so much," he said, smiling faintly at the young woman. She returned the smile and turned back to the phone to resume her call from earlier. Mikey suddenly found himself hoping that Lori would have an even harder time getting in contact with Jayde's parents, because surely they wouldn't let him visit their son.

With a sigh, Michael walked to the waiting room and sat down, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head upon them, preparing for a long wait. His heart was still beating heavily in worry for his lover, but his exhaustion was catching up with him. Already, in the span of a few hours, he'd lost his mother, nearly killed himself and was now waiting to see if his lover, the one reason he was alive right now, would make it through. It was nearly too much to take, and his body knew that.

Nevertheless, he tried his best to remain conscious. He kept telling himself that if Jayde needed him and he was asleep, he'd never be able to forgive himself. He had to know if Jayde was going to be okay, had to know what all was wrong, before he could rest. Despite this, however, Mikey found himself drifting slowly into obliviousness and was soon there, sleep taking him fully and completely before he even realized what had happened.

He awoke to someone gently shaking his shoulder and opened his eyes to see an aging old doctor beside him.

His neck ached and his head felt like it was full of cotton, but upon seeing the doctor, he was fully awake and ready for whatever was to come.

"Are you Jayde's doctor? Is he going to be alright? Can I see him?" he asked all at once, his voice showing just how concerned he was for the other boy.

"Whoa, now. Slow down. No, I'm not Jayde's doctor. At least, not his medical doctor…ah, let me explain. My name is Dr. Anthony Lucas and I work at the correction clinic that Jayde was attending," he said, holding out one of his hands.

Michael examined the man before him closely; his hair was thin and he had bright blue eyes that seemed to be full of energy, despite the fact that he was at least sixty or seventy years old. His voice was soft when he spoke, and it held a level of understanding that Michael wouldn't have expected of a doctor at a correction center; he had thought they were all a bunch of hacks bent on telling the patients things that they already knew.

Under different circumstances, Michael surely would have found the man tolerable, even pleasant. As it was, however, he was unable to hide his disappointment as he reached out and shook the proffered hand. "Michael," he said simply in introduction.

"Ah, so you're the one Jayde was in quite a hurry to see. Are you alright, son? Last I heard, you were preparing to jump into Noyo Harbor." Judging by the look in Dr. Lucas's eyes, he thought that it had all been some grand joke. Mikey hated to shatter that illusion, but he did so with his next words anyways.

"Oh, God! You mean this all happened because of me? If I'd have known, I'd never have called…I'd have just jumped and had it over with!" he said, burying his face in his hands in a futile attempt at hiding the tears that were surely cascading down his cheeks.

Michael couldn't honestly say he hadn't suspected this all along, but to hear it confirmed…it killed him. He felt all of his carefully built walls of self-justification crashing down in his mind; the only reason he'd called Jayde was to make him not panic when he found out about his suicide, but it seemed he had done the exact opposite. Only then did Mikey realize how Jayde might have felt when he had taken the Ecstasy. If he had just thought, logically, about everything, then he would have known that Jayde would have reacted with panic, regardless.

"You mean, you really were about to kill yourself?" the doctor asked, not really expecting an answer. Then, he shook his head. It seemed he should have taken Jayde more seriously. That he hadn't was a poor reflection of how well he knew his own patient. He had made the mistake of assuming that Jayde was like other teenaged patients that came into the center. He shrugged off his guilty conscience in order to comfort the other troubled teen beside him.

"It's alright, son. If anything, you should be seeing this as a confirmation of his love for you. Count yourself lucky that you have someone who cares for you that much in your life at such a young age. God knows I never had the privilege," he said, thinking of his wife. He hadn't met her until both of them were well into their forties, all but ensuring that they would never have children. It was partly because of this that he had applied for the job at the clinic, teaching troubled teens how to deal with their addictions.

Michael was trying to compose himself; it wasn't like him to break down in front of a complete stranger, but something about the doctor compelled him to let go of his emotions and just feel. In response to the doctor's attempts at comforting him, he said, "I already knew, Doctor! I always knew. Even when he broke his promise to me, I never doubted it. Not really. And he's saved my life twice before this and now, he's paying the price. If I'd have just died, then none of this would be happening! Jayde would be hurt when he found out about my suicide, but he would have moved on. It looks like he might not get the chance now. For all I know, he's dying a slow and painful death even as I cry like an overgrown baby to a person I don't even know!" A sob wracked his thin frame and he felt the doctor reach out and pull him to him; he didn't care. So what if he was being hugged by a complete stranger? He needed this…if not for himself, than for Jayde. When, or rather, if, he saw him again, he didn't want to be an emotional mess; best to just cry now and get it over with.

Finally, the doctor pulled away and held him at arm's length. His blue eyes were filled with such an intense sincerity that Mikey felt himself abruptly stop crying, so lost was he in those depths. "Listen to me, Michael," he said, though Mikey didn't think he could ignore Dr. Lucas now, even if he tried. "If you and Jayde were truly in love, then he would have known and come to save you anyways. People who are in love have this bond, one that is so strong that it lets you know, someway, somehow, when something is wrong with the object of that love. The only difference is that, with the phone call, he at least had some idea of where he needed to be. Now, are you going to continue to wallow in your self-hatred or are you going to go and visit him?"

Mikey wiped away what was left of his tears and gave the doctor a puzzled stare. "But his doctor---"

"Is right behind you, son," Dr. Lucas responded, a twinkle in his eye and a smile upon his face.

Mikey whirled around so fast, he was sure he might have whiplash now. "Sir, you're Jayden Hall's doctor?" he asked the newcomer, the panic of before melting into a cool resolve that love wouldn't abandon him and Jayde now; the other boy had to be alright. He just had to be.

The doctor smiled lightly. "I am."

"How is he, Doc? Will he live?" Mikey's entire body tensed up as he began wondering what the answer would be. What if Jayde was hurt so bad that he would never walk again? Or be the same person? What if…what if he was already dead? Michael put a clamp on that thought as fast as he could and looked up at the young doctor with a desperate look in his eyes. He needed to know.

The doctor sighed and took a seat on the other side of Mikey. He began searching the younger man's face, wondering how he would take the news. Then, he began. "Jayden is in pretty bad condition…" Michael's face fell, but the doctor continued on. "But he hasn't lost the fight yet. He had extensive physical, as well as some internal, damage concentrated on his left side, as that's the side that was hit during the collision, but luckily, we managed to save both his leg and his arm, though he will more than likely have a limp for the rest of his life. As for the internal damage, we did surgery to remedy that but we can't be sure if we got it all until we observe him overnight. He hasn't woken up yet, which is probably a good thing, considering how much pain he will be in, but we do believe he will survive."

Michael closed his eyes, soaking in the information. Jayde would probably survive…

But that isn't a certainty…

Mikey ignored the thought and opened his eyes, a pleading look still present. "May…May I see him, please, doctor?"

The doctor scrutinized him a minute before replying, "That is highly irregular, as generally, we only allow family in to see patients that are in Jayde's condition." Michael felt a well of panic rise in his chest. Did that mean that he wouldn't get to see him after all? But the doctor smiled, which quickly reassured him. "But given that Jayden's blood family is not present, I see no reason why we shouldn't allow you in to see him," he said, then explained how to get to Jayde's room.

Michael relaxed exponentially and turned to Dr. Lucas as the other doctor got up to leave. The old man was still smiling. "I'm glad to hear that he'll be okay," he said, standing up. Mikey quickly followed him.

"Aren't you going to stay and visit with Jayde too?" he asked.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not. I have to get back to the center. They'll be expecting news of his condition soon."

Mikey ducked his head and kicked at the ground a bit. He had no way of expressing how much he appreciated Dr. Lucas's help, but there was something else he had to do. "Thank you, sir. I---I hate to ask this of you, but do you think you can do me another favor?"

He looked up to see if Dr. Lucas was upset with him asking for more help, but the old man was still smiling. "Yes?"

He ducked his head once more. "Do you have a cell phone, or some quarters I can borrow? I need to tell his aunt Lori how he is."

The doctor laughed. "Of course, my boy. And I'll even do one better; You just give me his aunt's number and I'll call her myself. I'm sure you'd like to hurry along and see him, am I right?"

Mikey looked up once more. "Are you sure, sir? I mean, it's really alright and I'd hate to hold you up---"

Dr. Lucas held up a hand, silencing Mikey's protests. "I won't hear another word about it. Now, just give me a number and hurry along. Jayde's waiting for you."

Michael again expressed his gratitude and gave the doctor Lori's cell phone number before he hurried down the hall to where the doctor said Jayde was resting, all the while his heart thumping loudly in his ears and accompanying him the entire way.

Finally, he reached it and it was as if the thumping came to a screeching halt. Taking a deep breath, he reached out a hand and pushed the door open. The first thing he noticed was that there were four beds in the room. The second thing he noticed was Jayde, lying silent and unmoving upon one of them. He walked over as if in a trance, the smell of antiseptic thick in his nostrils as he found a seat next to Jayde and collapsed into it, staring at the frail form in the bed.

An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth, and several wires that Mikey couldn't even only guess the nature of were attached to him and while his face had clearly incurred some damage, the real thing that domineered his attention was Jayde's torso: He wasn't wearing a shirt, so that meant that the bruises, lacerations and thick bandaging that covered much of his upper body were clear in his sight. Both his left leg and left arm were in thick casts and his leg was propped up in some device while his arm rested lightly on some pillows next to him.

Michael swallowed hard, trying to prevent himself from crying again but hearing about the damage and seeing it were totally different, and it was almost too much to bear. Luckily, Mikey's chair was on Jayde's right side, so he managed to take Jayde's uninjured hand and hold it lightly in his own, wondering if somewhere in Jayde's drug-induced state he could feel the hand and take it as some form of reassurance that Mikey was alright, that he was here, and wouldn't be leaving until he absolutely couldn't remain.

The tears were coming and Mikey finally gave into them, pulling Jayde's limp hand to his lips and kissing it as the tears drenched his cheeks and spilled upon Jayde's fingers.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he sobbed. "Why did you have to be so stupid, rushing out to save me like that? You didn't have to, Jayde. You didn't even have to love me. God only knows what made you love me in the first place; I'm not worth all the shit you're going through right now. I'm not worth anything. I probably really should have just gone ahead and killed myself when I had the chance. Why did you have to risk your life for something like me, anyway?" The sobs were nearly unbearable now, his frame shaking in the attempt to control them and prevent himself from waking the only other occupant of the room, an old woman who seemed to be sleeping soundly.

"But I can't be a coward and end my life now, though the guilt I'm feeling right now would lead me to believe otherwise. It would make your sacrifice have no meaning, and it does, Jayde. It really does. It has all the meaning in the world. For you, I'd give up anything, even the chance of escaping this world of pain. Did you know it was your face that made me change my mind in the first place? I was so close to doing it, Jaydey, so close to ending everything. I wouldn't have even known that this had happened to you, if your lovely face hadn't drifted to me out of nowhere and caused me to change my mind and seek you out. You would be alone in your time of need, and when you woke up, you'd know that I had killed myself and knowing you, you'd feel all guilty that you hadn't gotten to me in time, kind of like I am now, and you'd do what I had done. Like some old tragedy by Shakespeare." Michael allowed determination to creep into his voice. "But that won't happen, now. I won't let it. As much as it hurts to live right now, I can brave it. For whatever reason, you love me, and that's not something that happens everyday and I can't very well take that for granted. I love you more than I can say, Jaydey, and I need you to get better so we can strengthen that love. I know I couldn't bear it if I lost you now. I'd kill myself in the most painful way I could think of for what I had done to you, even though you wouldn't approve. I need you, Jayde. I need you so much it hurts. Without your love, I have nothing."

Mikey laid his head on the bed beside Jayde's right hand and closed his eyes, exhaustion creeping up on him unexpectedly and dragging him into a limbo filled with the sounds of the ocean crashing beneath him, car metal twisting, screams of pain, and then, silence as unconsciousness claimed him.

"You sins into me, oh my beautiful one, your sins into me. As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble a prayer and I'll beg for forgiveness. Your sins into…Your sins into me, oh…" -AFI, Silver and Cold

Rather than being awakened by a gentle shaking of the shoulder, Michael was awakened several hours later by the sound of a shriek and an exclamation of outrage.

He slowly blinked the sleep out of his eyes and sat up straight, a crick in his neck from the awkward position that he'd been sleeping in. When his vision adjusted, he was greeted with a sight that was some parts welcome, and in others unwelcome. The welcome part was that Lori stood sheepishly in the door, casting worried glances between him and Jayde.

That's odd…She shouldn't be worried about me. It's Jayde who's been in the accident. I'm just…here.

The unwelcome part came in the form of Jayde's parents, staring as if they'd been slapped multiple times with a particularly large fish. Mikey stood up, hesitantly letting go of Jayde's hand as he did so. It was understandable that they were upset by their son being hurt. Mikey stepped aside and waited for one of them to take his place in the chair. Neither of them did. He gave Lori a quizzical glance and she just shook her head, indicating that she didn't understand either.

"How dare you show up here, you disgusting little faggot," Jayde's father began in a dangerous voice. Mikey's eyes widened, as did Lori's. "You have no right, whatsoever, to be visiting with our son. Get out of here, this instant!"

"Excuse me?" Mikey began, his voice quavering. Here they were, with Jayde lying in a bed in the ICU hooked up to tons of machines and swathed in bandages, and Jayde's father was more concerned about his presence there? What the fuck was wrong with these people?

"You heard me! Get out, get out, get out!!!" the man raged, his face turning an unpleasant shade of red, then purple.

Michael couldn't think of a plausible reply, so deep was his outrage at this. Lucky for him, there were people in the room who could think of words to say and had no problems saying them.

"You had no right to say that, you bastard. Michael has cared more for Jayde in the last few months than either of you cared for him in your entire lives," Lori said in an icy tone that Mikey had never heard before as she stepped up beside him. Elijah hesitated only briefly, glancing between his parents and Mikey before shaking his head and moving next to them.

"She's right, you know. Mikey has more of a right to be here than any of us, really, except maybe Lori. When we were too busy with our own lives to notice him, Mikey made him happy, cared for him, and loved him like nobody else has done lately. You should both be thanking him, really," Elijah stated. Mikey knew it had taken a lot of bravery for Elijah to say that, and he admired him for it. It was hard to admit your parents weren't as perfect as you thought; Mikey should know.

"Thank him for what? Turning my son into a fucking faggot like him!? I think not! If it weren't for this little shit, none of this would have ever happened. Our lives were perfect, for Christ's sake! We went to church, had respectable jobs and reputations, but because of Michael, our son ended up all wrong! He turned into nothing but a screw-up faggot!"

"You miserable, despicable, disgusting man!!! How dare you insult him like that!?" All eyes turned in surprise to the source of the insult; none other than Jayden's mother had spoken, her eyes sparkling with tears and her jaw set in anger. Nobody in the room had ever seen her like this. "Our son is laying up in a hospital, unconscious and hurt, and you have the audacity to call him such names? And in public no less! If anyone is staining our name right now, it's you. Now, get out. I don't want to even see you until you have half a fucking brain in your skull!!!"

Mr. Hall just stood there, his eyes wide and staring, his mouth hanging open in shock. Finally, he closed his mouth, turned on the spot and left, at a loss for words. Jayden's mother knew she would catch hell for it later, but she could care less. Slowly, she glanced over at the prone form of her son and her face softened. She walked over and stood next to the bed, caressing his face until a hand caused her to turn around and meet Michael's eyes.

"Mrs. Hall, I know you don't approve of me and Jayde, but I want you to know that I love him more than you can imagine and it kills me to see him like this. For all that you think we're not meant to be, that it's unnatural, I would really like to be able to visit him sometimes. To be honest, he's all that's keeping me alive now. I really do love him…"

Michael thought that she would scream at him, demand that he leave instantly, but instead she closed her eyes and let out a gentle sigh. "I know you love him," she said, which was probably hard for her to admit. She shook her head, as if ridding it of any remaining doubts, and then reached up, taking his face in her petite hands. "You look terrible, dear. Why don't you go and sleep for a bit? I promise, I'll let you visit him. As much as I think this is wrong, there is nothing I can do to stop it now. It's too late, and the only thing I can do is support my son in his choices."

Michael simply nodded, incredibly surprised at this turn of the events, but content anyways. He then turned to see Lori smiling at her and her sister before grabbing his arm and leading him out of the room, Elijah trailing behind, leaving Jayde's mother to be alone with him for a while. She took up Mikey's vigil, taking her son's hand in her own and speaking to him in a soft voice.

Mikey was aware of sitting down in an incredibly comfortable chair, listening as Lori spoke amiably to him about anything she could think of, and then felt himself drift away into deep, dreamless sleep.

"Your sins into me, oh, my beautiful one. Your sins into me. As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble a prayer and I'll beg for forgiveness. Your sins into me, Your sins into me…" -AFI, Silver and Cold

The first things that Jayde became aware of when consciousness began to return were the sounds of incessant beeping, and a muffled voice speaking to him about something. He wasn't quite awake enough to make out individual words, but they certainly were preventing him from returning to the comforting darkness. The next thing he noticed was a dull agony in his left side. He was so heavily medicated that it wasn't sharp, but even dulled as it was, the pain was still quite formidable.

Unable to hold it in, a moan escaped his lips, which, he noticed a moment later, were covered by a plastic oxygen mask. His eyes popped open, though one was swollen enough to prevent him from seeing anything more than blurred shapes through it. He felt, more than saw, his mother jumping beside him and looking into his face.

"Jayde?" she said in a subdued voice. "Can you hear me?" Her eyes were wide and staring and her face was pale. He figured she must have been really worried for that look to be present on her face.

Of course I can hear you, mom, he thought, but he couldn't quite get the words out. His throat was too sore and he wasn't sure he'd be able to articulate anything more than a bit of incoherent babble at the moment anyways.

"Oh, Jayde, I was so worried about you! If I could, I'd kiss you, but I don't want to jostle something I'm not supposed to jostle. When Lori called, I about had a heart attack! And your father! He's such an ass! You should have seen me, dear! I told him off! Your aunt and your brother were mighty surprised!" His mom spoke quickly, which showed how worried she was more than the words themselves did.

Poor Mikey. If mom is this worried about me, then I can't even begin to see how worried he is! he thought, and that was when it hit him. Mikey! He jolted against the wires, trying to rip them out. He was aware of his mom shrieking at him to stop, that he'd hurt himself, but he didn't care. Mikey was…Mikey was…Oh, God!

Suddenly, the voice he was beginning to fear he'd never hear again was calling his name, and instantly, he calmed down, raising his eyes, which, he noted, were starting to trickle tears and beheld Michael standing there in the doorway. Pale and haggard, but there. And he was coming over and wrapping his arms around him, and everything was better. Mikey was okay, he hadn't jumped. Dimly, he felt as a needle was inserted in one of his arms and his world started fading out, but still, he held on to the thought that things were going to be difficult, but Mikey was alive, he was alive, and they were both going to be together. Everything was going to be alright.

"Your sins into me, oh, my beautiful one, now, your sins into me. As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble a prayer and I'll beg for forgiveness. Your sins into me, your sins into...your sins into me. Oh, my beautiful one!" ---AFI, Silver and Cold

Nearly a year later:

Jayde lightly held onto the cane he'd been using since the accident, leaning more heavily on Mikey than he did on that. Michael was always there to lend support, as he was now, and they stared up at the buildings that would soon become their life.

"Here it is, Jaydey. Our independence," Mikey said, his voice soft. Jayde turned to see him, his eyes lit up by the prospect of a new future. They had struggled a lot in their past, and it was to be hoped that things wouldn't be so difficult here.

Going to college had always been a no-brainer for the both of them, given their intelligence, but to be there together, alive and for the most part in one piece, was worth more than any words could have conveyed.

Jayde felt his lips tilt up in a smile as he rested his head against Mikey's shoulder. "Yep. We're here, Mikey, and God, does it feel great."

Mikey laughed. "It sure does, Jayde. It sure does…"

With that, the two boys began the process of walking into the central building, to notify the proper authorities that they were here and that they would begin to get cozy in their new dorm arrangements. It had taken some maneuvering, but the school agreed to let the boys share a dorm. The two hoped that this would be the first step on what they hoped would be an incredibly long, enjoyable journey for the both of them…together.