somewhat of a song fic in name only, this is based off the song, Andy You're A Star, by The Killers.

beta'd by amindaya.

friday, 3 august, 2007. 11:12 pm.


Golden eyes stare from the mirror, stare back from the reflections in other people's eyes. Dark gold; often mistaken for hazel, but it's never really bothered me. Only one person has ever mentioned it in passing, and he never even noticed me before then, how did he know the color of my eyes?

Andy called them gold.

--- --- ---

My dad has always worried about me, because I'm quiet and unobtrusive within my large and boisterous family. He's always been worried that I'm lost without an anchor, that I only drift through life because there's nothing to ground me to reality.

Thus, I've been in therapy since the sixth grade, and Samson is one of my only friends, I guess. He's a tall, solid black man, about forty-three now. Samson doesn't really worry about my sanity, because I've shown him countless times that I'm sane, but he worries that I don't try hard enough to function "like a normal person."

Normal people make attachments to people and things, but I never have.

My room is devoid of anything but functional furniture and clothing and things that have been given to me over the years. Every birthday and Christmas, I accumulate more "stuff" that will eventually filter out of my room and throughout the house through my own intention. I don't see the point in keeping things when everyone else benefits from them too.

I have ten siblings, but only seven remain at home anymore. I'm the third oldest of the remaining, which means I'm actually the fourth youngest. I don't think any of my siblings really understand me, but at least they let me be, and that's all I can ask for.

But like I said, Samson has always worried about me a bit, so he was ecstatic when I mentioned what Andy said about my eyes.

I guess it means something that I said something about it.

--- --- ---

I've had a gym locker next to Andy for three months, and he never even once noticed that I have ever breathed the same air as him. Not until the day he glanced left instead of right and saw me, his grin nice and easy as ever.

"Nice pass today, Gold Boy. You ought to make eye contact more often."

When I didn't respond, he shrugged and turned away, never even noticing the way my golden eyes narrowed in thought. I'd passed him the basketball in today's game, but only because I'd found myself with it and cornered in by the burly Hispanic guy, Heath.

Andy had asked for the ball, so I'd passed it.

--- --- ---

Someone took my shoe from me before gym class, goofing around by passing it back and forth, trying to get a rise out of me. I crossed my arms and stared at them, waiting for them to drop it or lose interest in the game, but that only made them try harder.

Until Andy laughed and called them a bunch of dorks, at which point he was tossed the shoe, and he tossed it at me after indicating for me to ready myself to catch it. I didn't say anything in return, and maybe he expected me to, because he looked at me for a few minutes before giving a puzzled frown and turning away.

--- --- ---

A post-it note found its way onto my locker halfway through the year, light penciling just spelling out a simple message of, "Hey, Gold Boy. Smile sometime. Shake things up a bit."

I stared at it for a while before placing it inside my locker's door, pressing a finger tip along the sticky edging to make sure it stayed in place. I've never kept something before, but I decided to keep his note.

Don't know about smiling though, because I'm pretty sure I smile just as much as anyone else. I'm not fucking psycho, or something.

--- --- ---

Rumors went around after the Christmas break that Andy had been caught with a girl in the back of his parent's car, the windows steamed up and both of them at various levels of undress, depending upon who was doing the telling and to whom.

Andy; promise me she's not your world.

--- --- ---

A teacher kept me back before gym, so I was last into the changing room, and one of the last ones out. But not before hearing the general talk about "That Girl" Andy was caught with, and his empty laughter was that of general avoidance to uphold or debunk the rumor.

Only, he was quiet when he retreated to his locker to change out his shoes, seeming not to notice me as I pulled my green shirt from my back to be replaced with the gray regulation shirt with the school logo across the chest.

"Hey, Gold Boy. You still don't smile much."

"Do too."

My response had him grinning, and he hung around as I finished retying my black sneakers.

"Well, I don't ever see you smile."

Pegging him with a stare, I then allowed a soft smile to grace my face, watching his eyes slightly widen, especially when the smile died as quickly as it'd appeared.

"See? I smile."

"Hey, that wasn't a real one, man! C'mon, smile for real."

"There's no reason to smile right now, is there?"

My exasperated tone had him grinning again, and a large hand gripped my upper arm and pulled me to a stop. Before I could ask, I saw him glance towards the doorway, checking the angle of visibility of someone looking in, and then he turned back to me, blue eyes soft and warm as they held mine.

"Come on, just one smile."

"No, not now."

He rolled his eyes before stopping in sudden thought, his face lighting up with whatever notion had made him pause.

"Smile, please?"

"No."

As if knowing I'd say that, he nodded and leaned in, brushing his lips against mine as he whispered, "You're so fucking stubborn, Erin."

When I rejoined the class a few moments after him, my cheeks were still flushed pink with embarrassment, not that anyone noticed or commented upon it.

--- --- ---

Blue eyes were clouded over when they met mine at point-blank range, his breath hot against my skin as he pressed his forehead to mine.

The seat beneath me whispered as I moved just slightly, my arm brazenly wrapping around his neck as I tilted my face into another kiss, no longer questioning the sanity of my decision in accepting his ride home after school.

I didn't care at that point if I was nothing more than a one-off, if tomorrow there would be another rumor about him in a steamed-windows car. I didn't care about the reasons of his kisses, so long as he kept them up, kept them going.

His tongue against mine, fingers rubbing along my side as he lowered me further against the seat, his body covering mine as his kiss turned even more heated. How that was possible and discernible through the foggy haze in my head, I'm still not sure. Not sure of anything, not at the moment.

The car smelled of stale coffee a few days old.

---

Skin radiated heat through where my cheek rested against his shoulder blade, his back burning my naked chest as he allowed me to lie against him.

His house was dark and quiet even though it was only Tuesday and nearly eleven at night. Feeling his slow and steady breathing beneath me, I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again, moving to place a sweet kiss against his skin. He didn't stir as I pushed up as carefully as possible, my jeans snagging against his for a moment before I managed to pull free, sliding out of his bed.

He never woke as I pulled on my shirt and quietly found my shoes, slipping from his room and his house to begin the long walk home.

--- --- ---

A post-it note with his phone number found its way on his locker a few days later, and I removed it to place inside the door of mine, joining its mate telling me to smile. I still don't smile, and I still won't call him, knowing he watches me more and more.

Samson said what I did with Andy was good for me, even if it was a bit…incautious. He says that any kind of attachment I form for someone else is bound to be good for me.

--- --- ---

I never called, and he stopped calling me "Gold Boy."

Another rumor went around about a girl in the backseat of his car. It made me wonder if she ever got to see the hunter green sheets in his bed, like I did.

It made me wonder if she was his world, like I was for a brief moment.

---

Andy, you're a star in nobody's eyes but mine.


On the field I remember you were incredible
Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah
On the match with the boys, you think you're alone
With the pain that you drain from love
In a car with a girl, promise me she's not your world
Cause Andy, you're a star

Leave your number on the locker and I'll give you a call
Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah
Leave your legacy in gold on the plaques that line the hall
Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah

On the streets, such a sweet face jumping in town
In the staff room the verdict is in
In a car with a girl, promise me she's not your world
Cause Andy, you're a star
In nobody's eyes but mine

The Killers


A/N: i suggest you listen to the song, it always ...effects me.

my birthday's on monday! happy 21st to me!