Seeing Straight:

Perspective of a Gay Man

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Why does it seem that a man, who finds interest in other men, is not a man at all? Merely because of some chemical disturbance in the brain, he is penalized for his inability to recognize the eroticism of female body parts.

In hopes of clarifying what being gay actually means and the turmoil faced upon realization, I am here to offer hope to those who have not yet accepted it, and knowledge to those who are unclear of the truth. Being a gay man is not a choice. It is a choice, however, to accept it. In writing this, I am getting a bit more open about my truth and what it means about me as a person. I am still the same guy people know now, but I find a strange attraction to other men, and a lack of it to women.

So firstly, we all now know it is not a choice, and that is important. Far too many people believe it to be a lifestyle choice. Let me tell you people, I wish it were. I may get burned for this, but I do not want to be gay, I hate it. I commend those who have embraced their difference, but I myself cannot fully open up. I am holding onto the shadow of a doubt that somewhere inside, I am still attracted to women, that I can grasp that, squeeze tight, and it will pull me through life. If I can do that, I would not need to tell a soul about my secret. I can only hope.

Enough about it being out of my hands, and more onto the idea that gay men are still men. We are guys, just like any of you who are reading this and like women in that way. Hell, I told my one friend I was gay, and he said to me: "I never would have thought… Now I accept gays because before I knew you are, I had a different perspective on them". I want everyone to be able to say that. I want to be able to walk down the street, find a man (gay or straight) and have a conversation with them, without having bias because I am gay. So what, I like male appendages. How does that mean I am now female? Oh, it doesn't. I enjoy sports, more sports than some of the men who like women. I play sports, I work out, and I am a regular guy, but one with a secret. A secret that if told would destroy my male persona. No matter how much running, soccer, hockey, weight lifting, or swimming I do, I am still a 'traitor', or 'not a real man'.

Being singled out is tough, especially when you are what I am. How would one of you 'normal' guys out there like to be labeled something you are not? A man, as defined by is: "a male having qualities considered typical of men or appropriately masculine". I consider myself appropriately masculine, and I exhibit many behavioural similarities to others of the same sex as me. Talking about sex, I am thinking about it right now. Man much? Personally, I see only one slight difference between my brothers and me. Hell, sometimes I exhibit more male qualities than them. The one slight difference between me and my brothers is out of my control, and causes me so much grief that I have to write a story of sorts to clarify it, and have others understand.

Some may not understand how difficult it is to write something such as I did today, and those who do, and have not written one of their own, do so. Send it to me if you so wish, and I will add it onto mine, anonymously. For those who will leave hurtful comments about my sexual orientation, know it is out of my control, and that making fun of me for what I am is completely childish, and unnecessary. I want to give words of encouragement to those who brave through each day of torment because some people do not take the time to realize the truth about us. For those who do take the time, we thank you from the depths of our closets.