in measured amounts.

where are you sleeping tonight? it's gotta be somewhere different from the bed we shared, cos i can't feel your body anywhere.

it calls to me as i cat-step lightly down the stairs and into the lobby, screaming "you forgot, you forgot, your wallet, your keys, how to remember me correctly." you gotta understand, your words might be crafted to strike at me but it's easier not to listen... easier not to remember when you aren't around to scream and cry.

i traipse down 5th in a reverie or in some sort of baptism. i'm not who you think i am. i'm art acquiesced; art impersonated. i'm a tool, an outlet, an orange peel, a fuckstick. "ella! jack! ollie!" they shout at me; in tongues and right on key. i'll be the name you want me to be. i'm your ollie for now but later emily. oh, that emily. that joshua, that rosalie, that superstar, the tyranny. whoever you are, i'm not that kiddo. i'm not the badcat nor the batchwin... certainly not the fillellelly. i'vegot man parts, man hear. i wasn't trying to impersonate you, courtney.

in new york city, not chicago. fuck the city by the lake. two brides, two grooms on the wedding cake. i'm a homosexual. the everyman. the thumbellina in the campbell's soup can. pay five dollars to look at me. to peel the label off like i always do. to sit around and look at you. to sit around and stew, be true, be blue, be indigo - every hue.

stopped at the corner 7-11 to "pick up" some matches and your favorite candy bar. so i can throw it in the river where the alcoholics kill their livers and i guess themselves. i'm going to join them someday. i'll burn the pages of the books you hated. forget your voice was poetry. forget your passionless body. forget how you'd look away when we were fucking. i'll fucking drown and i'll fucking take you down with me.

whistle a jaunty tune, walking up the stairs to the pathway on the bridge. give a little to give a little. cave right in. confirmation. reduce it; appreciation. features molded to resemble leprosy. divinity. controvery. the face of the virgin mary on a grilled cheese. for all that you consider holy. for all those gravel streets. for all the nights i spent questioning my reality.

climb up the railings the nimble hands and feet. opposable thumbs to tap out a beat. she looks like cindy and she calls me charlie. i have a hammock on this bridge above the city. implausible, maybe. no one can see. no one can breathe. no one can catch this great disease. it's in the jeans. keep it in your jeans. think the decision was a little iffy? try being me. try being me. i'm your creature, your beast. we're all somebody's creature, but it's hard to be your own worst enemy. the new yawk bridge baby is his own worst enemy. believe to bleed.

consume your favorite candy bar and toss the wrapper on to all the care. a soccer mom and her kids are driving too far from home. her wedding band is gone. she has her kids but she's really alone. a trailer of farm animals breaks the monotony. that worked quite nicely. may i take your order plsea? watch as an unhappy businessman skids on the wrapper and collides. driver's side. they all die. the fire's licking the support beams of where i giggle so fucking high.

they said it'd happen never happen never happen again but there it is - it's such a show for me tonight! - an airplane flying way too low, too fast to be slow, plows into the empire state building. it's way past time for me to leave. you already left me.

i'm already leaving.