Soundtrack of My Summer
A one-shot filled to the freaking brim with Shoujo-ai; written by Sammy Flores. Or Kir Sirin. Haha.
Since my Summer is over now, I thought this would be fitting.
Here we go.
I fell into the couch's loving embrace as my satellite TV went out. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I even sat up a bit and looked at the closed, front door.
Just hoping you would come back.
The entire room was silent. The only sound was the rain beating down hard on our roof.
Well... I guess, it's my roof now.
Maybe I should've seen this coming. Maybe it was the way you never wanted to hold my hand, or how you would turn away when I tried to kiss you, or… Maybe it was something I never even saw.
Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. Because you're gone. You slammed the door on your way out, and it made the whole house shake. You didn't even see the tears in my eyes as you left. It isn't fair for you to leave when all I can do is watch and cry.
Somehow, that simple phrase makes my whole heart shatter into millions of different pieces, and I say it again. Over, and over, and my heart keeps breaking into more tiny pieces. The feeling of your heart being broken. Something I've never felt before and something I hoped I never would.
I should have known it would never work. God, look at me. My head is buried in that sofa your mom gave us when you finally told her that you were moving in with me. My hair is probably a mess and my lungs hurt as I cry, harder, and harder.
I've never cried so hard in my life.
It's funny. We started to date when we were in high school and yet your barely told you family a few months ago. I told mine at our first homecoming together. My dad was ecstatic. My mom wanted to kill me. My sister thought it was the cutest thing in the world.
People, strangers and friends alike, all said I was too pretty to be in-love with a girl. Hmm. I guess I just like to prove people wrong.
Did you even love me back?
Thunder boomed throughout the house, and I jump. I never jump. My whole body is shaking like a scared, little girl, and I grab a nearby pillow, and hold onto it like it's my own soul leaving me.
Just like you.
It felt like the whole world was against us. Some people would smile at us, but some wouldn't. It was those people who I felt like screaming at.
Thunder echoed thoughout the house and crawled onto my bones. The lights go out.
Was it someone else? Did someone else make you leave, or was it me? Did I do something to make myself impossible to be with?
Lightning lit up the sky, my living room, and thunder crackled right after it. It made me jump again.
My entire body shuddered violently as more memories came flooding back.
Memories of You and Me.
Like the time we almost wrecked in my mom's car because you had wanted to run away so badly, and I had barely gotten a license. Or, the time when we took that walk in the park and you finally confessed everything to me as we swung on the swings together. The wind ran through our hair and I could only smile.
You're so beautiful.
Did you ever think that of me? Did you ever think about my eyes, or about my voice? Did you have dreams about me almost every night? Did you ever write love poems and have me inside your head? Did you ever daydream about me?
Maybe you didn't… Maybe only I did.
The lights flash back on and the radio plays high and loud.
"I Do." by Dashboard Confessional.
My crying just got worse as the lyrics took fatal stabs at my heart. The thunder and lightning only increased as the song belted out its mellow sorrows into my ears.
And, as I listened, something in my heart clicked.
Oh love, hang on,
If you're willing,
I'll be strong
And I'll give you the life that you deserve
'Cause I want you to know all of me
And I, I want to hold you forever
Do you think that you love me?
'Cause I do, I do, I do
Do you want that forever?
'Cause I do, I do, I do
Do you want me to brave this world for you?
I do, I do, I do
My crying stopped suddenly. I sat up, looked at the closed door, and felt the urge to run. Run until my legs gave out unless I found you.
I ran to the door, swung it open, felt the cold breeze slap me hard in the face, and then you jumped into my arms. The weight of your body, and my surprise, weighed me down so much that I fell onto our carpet floor. My back felt like it snapped in two, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter if I was paralyzed. It didn't matter that, if at any moment, I would cease to exist.
Because you're here.
The tears came back full force and I notice that you're soaked to the bone. I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around you, and hugged you like I've never hugged anyone before in my life.
You pulled back, and looked at me with your beautiful, breath-taking eyes. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw the tears flowing freely from them. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, really, but you spoke first.
"I'm sorry." Your voice cracked a bit, but you swallowed loudly, and continued. "I…"
But the next song, "As Lovers Go" By Dashboard Confessional, interrupted you. You just stared at me and it looked like you were going to keep crying for the rest of your life.
Until you whispered, "I love you."
My eyes widened. After all our years together, even after moving into our first house, she had only said those words once to me. When we were together, outside, facing the water, during her own birthday party. It was barely a whisper, and I acted like I didn't hear anything, but I had.
And now she said it again.
I smiled, my heart felt light and whole again. I hugged you so tightly; you might have been paralyzed to. You gripped my shirt just as tight. As if I was the one who would disappear next.
I pulled her inches away, not wanting to be any father than I had to be. I looked straight into those lovely eyes and said, "I love you too." Her face melted at the words, and I could feel you hold in your breath as I placed my tear-soaken lips upon yours.
More tears fell from your eyes, but I wiped them away. My lips roamed over yours. I wanted to taste every part of you. I wanted, needed, to lock in this feeling forever.
Your hands roamed through my hair and I heard you groan against the kiss. We were running out of air, but if I died now, it wouldn't matter.
You were here.
You love me.
And that's all I'll ever need.
Dashboard Confessional was the Soundtrack of My Summer.