Dear Happiness, do you remember me?

It is always in those vacant moments that you come back to taunt me
Like a shadow in my doorframe,
like an echo of sweet hilarity that turns out to be merely a memory
like a coattail whipping around the corner and out of sight…
you will come

I'll be sitting in a waiting room,
on a bus, on a train, on a elevator
in limbo, waiting for myself to get somewhere, to choose
I'll be perusing torn, dog-eared magazines with an archeologist's eye
I'll be chewing gum and resisting nausea as the world blurs by the fingerprinted window
I'll be listening to "Think of Me" violining feebly with a stranger's elbow in my side,
I'll be using hotel shampoo to frighten away the acrid remnants
of people and pool chlorine,
I'll be writing banal, insipid poetry on hotel paper with a dying hotel pen,
waiting for life to happen…
and Happiness will come

Like an inadvertently lighted match, like an impromptu trumpet benediction,
like an unannounced angel, like an accident
Happiness will come
like incidental music, like being struck by tender lightning,
like a kiss from behind, like a part of myself I only now realize
I've been missing, like my eyes, like my ears, like my self,
Happiness will come

Then I'll be lost in the rhapsody of your heartbeat,
I'll be wrapped in the rhythm of a sweet ovation,
I'll be surrounded by those I love, or I think,
I'll be getting what I wanted and deserved at long last…
I'll be fearless and iridescent and impervious
and I shall scintillate
and I shall reach for the world, with open, rounded arms,
twirl like a renegade ballerina with giant feet,
I shall stretch, reach for the sky, the stars, the world…
for you.
(I shall reach for something that isn't there)

and Happiness will flee,
flee, saying, "Now it's all up to you,"
flee like a scared, scared child
flee, like my ears, and my eyes, and my self
flee, from everything that is too big for it,
like the stars and the moon and the earth and the sun

and you