I hate the cold. As it chills to my bones. It leaves nothing but a frozen ache behind.
Now I have a new reason to hate the cold.
The freezing wind, slices to my core as I visit you, seeming to try to convince me to go with it.
To go with it to where the earth drops haphazarly into nothingness.
My eyes fill with tears. But they come down my cheeks , as slowly freezing crystal droplets of forming ice.
Almost as frozen as the rest of the hearts of the world around me.
My heart hurts, forming this unbearable ache inside. Pain forms inside my unreachable, undeniable feelings.
The feelings that I threw aside into the torrent of pain so long ago.
I kneel down upon the newly formed grass. It latches onto me, trying to suck me into the earth.
The earth where your bones turn slowly to dust, and your flesh to ashes.
I cry out, knowing that you will not hear. You cannot hear me now where you have escaped to.
You've escaped from this world, but what about those you left? What about me?
It's futile to wish, that I had you back with me. Because no wish can turn back what you have done.
No wish can turn back the hands of time and take the gun from your hands.
It's so hard, to accept that you did this. But, it's there in the frozen facts that lie in your home.
The facts are there to see in hindsight, and I curse myself for not seeing them before.
I open my heart, But I must not let them see. I am the hero, and I am not allowed to grieve.
I have to be a pillar of strenth for them to lean on, to show them how to go on.
How can I? When I cannot even go on myself? How can I show them the way when I've never walked the road?
I can try. I have to try for them. I cannot break down and I cannot let them see me bleed.
For then, They will bleed for you as well. I cannot let them destroy themselves from the inside.
I cannot allow them to carry my burden. If anyone is to crumble, I will for all of them.
So I cry, And I bleed for you. But, only in the silence that surrounds me.
I must pretend, I don't greive for you. But I will greive for you...But only on my own...