Of quantum immortality

Jimmy was a little boy; rather ordinary. And he led an ordinary life until one day he stumbled upon a magic rock.


They brought him to the hospital soon after. There, they decided that Jimmy was beyond repair. Upon hearing the fatal news, Jimmy's father was wrought with anguish, so he defenestrated the incompetent life support system in disgust, knowing that Jimmy would be dead sooner or later, that is.

Unbeknownst to Jimmy's father, when he tripped the electric cable, a jolt of energy managed to pull Jimmy's vertebral column together thus he managed to survive. He awoke, but his father had already left the room.

"Hey! I'm alive!" Jimmy was elated; he smiled with glee. Though, apart from his facial ecstasy he slothed on his bed like a brick.

"Congratulations, you have just consumed a dose of quantum immortality." The magic rock beamed from inside his plastic bag. "Besides, if you had died, the author would have had nothing to write about."

The little lamp which swung harmonically above their heads flickered slightly. The room was rather small, with a bed and a table, and it welcomed the prolific summer with the streams of light that pierced through the otherwise gloomy looking window.

"Ho, a talking rock." Jimmy blabbered matter-of-factly. He blinked, and the little lamp flickered yet again.

There was a slight dimming of the room as the curtains danced to the leisure of the wind. When they did, the light from the lamp shone more effectively, albeit unnecessary; it beamed with an amber brown that reminded Jimmy of autumn. He returned to stare at the rock that doubled as a paperweight for documents he could not see.

"I'm not the one talking; you are!" The rock shuffled inside the bag with a little flustered desolation. "But take me out of the bag, I'm uncomfortable."

Jimmy tried to reach his hand out, but he found that it was fractured.

"I can't help you, my arm is fractured," he replied, "besides, you are the evidence that Max threw the rock at me. I can't take you out."

Jimmy smiled, and the rock frowned.

"Max didn't throw me at you. You were the one who tripped over me and broke three of your limbs, dislodged your spine, and you would have fallen over the edge of death if I hadn't saved you." The rock was a little indignant. "In fact, Max was 3 kilometers away from us at that time, smoking opium."

Jimmy glanced over his shoulder, at the superlative summer that mocked at him from outside the window.

"Oh, nobody would believe you, you're a rock." Jimmy tried to cup his fingers in delight, but they were broken.

"If you take me out, I can fix you." The rock said.

Jimmy pondered, "I can't take you out if I'm not fixed! Besides, why can't you take yourself out?"

"I'm a rock, how can I move by myself?" The magic rock scoffed discontentedly as his words flowed out in a spate. It glared at Jimmy in a begrudging demeanor. At once Jimmy found that he could move.

Jimmy was cured.

Of all the things that could have happened, an organic reaction triggered inside Jimmy's body caused his bone marrow to splice together. Also, for some reason which yours truly is unsure of, his joints were completely functional too.

"Hey! I can walk!" Jimmy was delighted, and he got out of bed. "Bye! Time to go and play downstairs!"

He turned around and laughed deliriously, but as he turned back his head hit the doorknob, causing his sinus to bleed. Then he fell down and broke a thermometer. The mercury from the bulb thus seeped into his bloodstream.

It took a split second for a sudden realisation to creep into Jimmy.

"Aw! Crap! I can't die here! What about my CPF? Don't you know how painful it is? To spend your life paying an insurance and then ceasing to live before reaping the fruits of your labour? Can't you understand?" Jimmy cried. Tears streamed down his face.

Then in an malicious soliloquy he rasped, "no, of course, a rock... what was I thinking... he, he can't taste pain nor sorrow, nor can he fathom the woes of beings like us... Inanimate! Inanimate! WhO Am I tAlkinG to aNywAy!?"

Jimmy cackled like a crow, and squawked like a sparrow, "What WAS that about quantum immortality again?"

His face was contorted into a wicked smile and the rest of his features plastered themselves like rags atop a hideous skull. Until then one was not sure if the smile was all that represented Jimmy to begin with.

The rock took a glance into Jimmy's direction.

"I wasn't talking about you... I'm the only conscious being here." It hissed. "They writes about me, you know;

And certainly I can't die...

I'm immortal."


CPF: Central provident fund.

A/n: Well, who knows... Not really related to anything, this story. Abstract, damn.