I guess I should start with what happened before, my past, before I tell you what is happening now, in our present. When I say our, I don't mean you and me, I mean Tyler and me. Our present. If you don't already know, Tyler is my soulmate. That may sound stupid to those of you who don't believe in soulmates, but it's true. I may be only fifteen, but I know more about love than any of my friends, or family.

I want you to read on, and understand, just listen. I don't want anyone to judge. If you do judge keep your opinions to yourself. Bear with me as I just give you the cold hard facts, nothing interesting is going to happen for a little while, I hope it doesn't take that long, but you never know...


My life, at least the stuff that is relative to the present, started when I was eleven. Everything that I am about to tell you happened when I was eleven. It was the year that my family showed their true colors. My extended family, that is. I already knew—and still do know—a lot about my immediate family.

When I was in fifth grade, my aunt sued my father for emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, when in truth she was the one who did all of those things to him. He promised, swore, not to tell anyone, because she stopped when he turned nineteen, aka the year he moved out

I also found out that she had held a gun on her boyfriend, who was living with her, and spent a night in jail for that. My mom was the one who went and got her from the jail, but my parents still couldn't prove that my aunt had held a gun on her boyfriend, because the police chief at the time erased it from her record when he left. The whole town was weird.

I never knew what my aunt was really like. She was always very nice to my brother, and me. I loved her a lot, because I saw her so much when I was younger. When I was eleven I found out that she had abused him in many different ways. My father smacked my brother and me when we did something bad. Acted out, talked back, broke rules, whatever. We got smacked. I vowed that I would never smack my children as a punishment. I wouldn't hurt them. I wouldn't hurt anyone unless they did something that made them deserve it.

All of my father's family sided with my aunt. It wasn't pleasant. Imagine a bad divorce, only with most of your extended family. Except for two or three, who double check everything your parents say.

Our extended family had birthday parties, anniversaries, family reunions, and even weddings, without inviting us, us being my brother, my mom, and my dad. My brother wouldn't have wanted to go to any of them, even if we had been invited. I don't think he longed for a large family, with cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the whole enchilada. I did, I wanted it all. I read books and saw movies, where the characters had families like that. I wasn't jealous of my friends who had that; I didn't turn green with envy when I saw them. I thought 'Good for you! You are incredibly lucky.' And when they complained about their families, about having too many cousins all that went through my head was 'You have no idea how good you have it.'

My parents were constantly stressed, over money, over college tuition, because my brother started college that year, even little expenses. I remember that every time my mother had to write a check, she would say "Time to write another rubber check." She said that in jest, but it had truth behind it. We only had six thousand dollars in our bank account at one time

The lawsuit divided our extended family into to groups. People who were on our side and people who were on her side. Our side was a lot smaller, not only because they heard her side first, but because she was an amazing actress. She was a charmer, and a good one, too. I didn't even know that she could be mean, I had known her for eleven years, and I still thought that she was amazing, of course those feeling ended when I found out about the lawsuit.

The lawsuit didn't make me feel sad, or confused. My only reaction was anger. I had no idea, and still have no idea, where that anger came from, but there was so much of it. I just felt like punching something or someone…but I had made a vow, and I stuck to it. I did find an outlet for my anger, though. Because I couldn't, no wouldn't hurt anyone else, I hurt myself, I cut. Whenever I got angry, I would cut. I continued to struggle with that, since it was an emotion/mental addiction, until I turned thirteen.


A/N: I'm sorry this is so sucky,I decided to merge the two chapters, hope this is better. Oh and if you judge, I don't care, in fact tell me what you think. If you hate it tell me! Someone PLEASE FLAME ME!