Very short little scene, not likely to become anything more than just this. But it made tygati laugh, so I figured why not post it? Uhm...my apologies to anyone who is a) a demon b) a demon summoner or c) has some other complaint about the subject matter. Er...warnings are slightly mature language, demons, crushing blows to the ego and an utter lack of proofreading. Yeah.


The attic is crowded and cluttered; miscellaneous relics of the past have been piled on and against every available surface so that the floor is clear. The one small, round window has been covered over with paper, so that the only light in the room comes from the flickering candles on the floor; one at each point of the two pentagrams. In the centre of one, a man stands. His robe brushes the ground and long sleeves trail from his arms, the garment a deep, rich blue embroidered with silver in twisting, arcane designs. A heavy scent of incense hangs in the air, wreathing the room in clouds of smoke. The man's gaze rests on the other pentagram as he begins a deep and furious chant. As his chanting grows, the room begins to grow warmer, and to fill with an odd, buzzing energy…otherworldly, eerie, unholy. Suddenly the candles flare high, and with a crack and a flash, a demon stands in the pentagram. Deep red skin and blazing yellow eyes, bared teeth and long, sharp claws. It folds its arms and slouches, one hip stuck out insolently. Has it taken a vaguely human form—despite the odd colouring—to taunt or to disconcert? The summoner takes a deep breath, his limbs shaking in fear.

"I call thee from the fiery pits and abjure thee—"

"…you really suck at this."

There is a moment of stunned silence.

"What? No I don't." The summoner pauses and adds as an afterthought "Thou foul fiend." The demon just sighs.

"Yes, you do. For one thing I'm a Class O, which means you've done the wrong invocation and binding. Which itches, I might add. And where did you get that robe, the Halloween Supply Store for Children?"

The summoner smoothes his robe self-consciously. "Look, this is none of your—I mean thy—business."

"I mean, what kind of loser actually spends his free time on something like this anyways? You could be out actually having a life or something."

"Hey, I—"

"And if you're going to channel all the effort you failed at life with into this, you should at least be good at it, you know? This is actually really depressing. It's, like, a comment on the whole human condition, you know? Sort of a dirge for your species. Evolutionary cul-de-sac, and all."

"Hey, HEY! Shut up! I do not need to take this from you. You are my demon, and I bound you, so I…" The man reaches for a thick, leather-bound tome at his feet and flips through it, before reading off the page "Abjure thee and invoke the ancient power of the summoner to bind thee to my will. I command thee be silent, demon, and heed my orders."

The demon studies his claws, picking an invisible speck of dust off of one of them. "Uh-huh."

The summoner, heartened by the agreement however half-hearted, seems to recover his momentum slightly and continues more enthusiastically. "Right, then. I want the usual. The most beautiful woman in the world as a wife, control over a small country somewhere, and a fortune greater than any the world has seen. You know."

"…" The demon makes no move to begin granting these requests.

"…well, get on with it then. Avaunt, and all!"

"Yeeeah…I don't do that sort of thing. Class O, you know. You'll be looking for a Class C for that kind of stuff, only you've got to file a Faust 3b form first and there's a waiting list for at least a week on those. Bureaucracy, you know."

"What? No, I don't know! You're a demon! This is what demons do!" The summoner is beginning to look frantic, while the demon looks vaguely insulted at this insinuation.

"Now that's speciesist. Dying is what humans do, but I'm not expecting you to drop dead right here and now with no help from me, am I?" Sharp teeth are bared in a feral grin, and the summoner backs off slightly.

"…look, I just want my wishes. I'll settle for a fairly attractive girl and a hundred bucks, okay?"

"Get a job. As for the girlfriend thing, I think you're probably beyond help." Making a rather rude gesture, the demon vanishes with a boom like a firework, leaving behind a potent smell of brimstone.

"Wait, I didn't banish you yet…! Ah, fuck."