Aborted Dreams

( I wrote this poem 2 weeks after having an abortion so that was 5 and 1/2 months ago now, i don't want comments if you are going to " disapprove" of my decision as it was not mine and it is not your place to judge my actions i am still with the would be father and we both regret it, so comments about the poem please :) :) )

The world it doesn't understand the feeling

Of loosing something so precious to you

To a world of hate and lost security

The white washed walls of your mind

Tormented by the many year of schooling

Teaching you to think

But when you sit yourself in a position

Where nothing has prepared you

You learn that not everything is black and white

I loved that thing growing inside of me

The feeling that there was something working so much bigger than me

A little miracle, of love and care

I tried and tried to forget that love, that instinctive pull

For lessons have taught me pregnancy at this age is wrong

"I don't care about it"

I convinced everyone else, apart from myself

Now when I look down, there's nothing for me to see

No baby bump nothing more

That love surrounded me and made me feel good about myself

The love I shared pulsed through me

Filling my obscure blood with something so profound

As I let myself get wheeled down and away

I felt my body letting go of any hope to change this around

I resigned myself to the false illusion that it might not work

So I cry myself to sleep

And thoughts of my baby fill my head everyday that we're apart

I find it hard to concentrate

I find it hard to pay attention to any of my exams

That thing growing inside of me

Was against anything I believed or wanted

But when I was there

It changed to be the only thing I needed

So I'll still let it fill my thoughts

With what could have been

Trying to just move on

Because I don't want to forget what could have been

I loved my baby

But now

It's my fault it's gone