A man sat in the darkness at the far end of an old time bar. His face and past completely masked. People allowed him his space, but tonight was different. A tall, slender woman in a red dress approached him slowly. He shifted a little, the glare of light on his eye showed that he noticed. She stood at the table and looked down at the man.

"What?" the man said gruffly. He watched her take a seat across the wooden, round table. She looked across at him into what she could see of his eyes.

"There are rumors about you y'know." She said smoothly, seemingly unaware of what danger she may be in. He grunted a little and shifted in his seat, his eyes disappeared for a moment before flashing back. He gripped his half-full, glass of beer.

"I like to hear about guys like you, dark, mysterious, dangerous." She managed to give herself a shudder. She reached out to him and rubbed his hand and whispered to him "Guys like you are the sexiest guys around. I can hardly contain myself from leaping at you right now. So, you wanna go back my place for some games?"

The man looked at her and felt a sudden moistness on his hand. It seemed the lady managed to work herself into a light sweat. The man looked back to her and took his hand away. With a wide grin he rummaged through his large coat pockets. The woman watched him carefully and curiously. He stopped looking and began to take a\his hand out of the pocket.

"Ah, a rubber of course. You're so aptly prepared." The woman said with a kinky smirk.

"Rubber?" The man asked in his low, rough voice. He lowered his hand to the table "Sorry, lady, I've only got standard issue. So what is it? Crazy eights? Poker? Go fish?"

The woman looked as the man removed his hand revealing a neat stack of cards. She turned back to him, dumbstruck.

"Cards?" The woman asked. She honestly thought she had known about every fetish imaginable, but this made her curious.

"Cards. You said you wanted to play games, right?" The man grinned his wide smile. His wide eyes signaled his excitement at the thought. "I'm not stupid enough to go with a stranger to their house for games when we can play right here."

"Uhh, well this isn't quite what I had in mind." The lady grimaced as he dealt the cards.

"What did you have in mind?' The man raised his cards and studied them.

"Well, something a little more intimate." She answered, licking her lips.

"Huh? You mean like tag or something like that?" He asked, now placing his full attention on her.

"Or something like that." She replied, moving her chair closer to him.

"Are trying to cheat by looking at my cards?" He asked quickly.

"What?" She asked confused by the man's idiocy.

"You moved your chair over here. Are you trying to get a closer look?" He slid over a bit and looked back at his cards "So we playing or not?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The lady asked in a rage. She stood out of her chair and stared down at him. "Are you gay?"

"What, gay? I don't think so. What gave you that impression?" He asked shocked at her exclamation.

"If you're not then why haven't you brought me home and done what you want with me yet!?" She asked in frustration.

"How can I possibly do whatever I want to you if there's nothing I want to do to you?" He asked while gathering his cards. She looked down at him wide-eyed in shock and lowered herself over the table so that they were face to face.

"Wait a minute. You do know this is a dream right?" She explained to him.

Now it all made sense. That's why she's been throwing herself at me all this time, it's a dream. That's relieving, I thought it was a real girl trying to get into my pants which might have been a problem. But wait, if it's a dream then she's a figment of my imagination, right? Then was I trying to fuck myself? Does that make me asexual? Whoa, her colors are running. I think she was mouthing something at me. I think it was along the lines of: "Too bad, you should have done something while you had the chance". Oh well, her loss not mine. Or was it? Well the colors have completely gone now and I'm staring into darkness. I should probably wakeup.


I know, not the best words to wake up with first thing in the morning. But you know those times when you open your eyes and the sun is shining it's golden joy all over your face and completely fries your eyes? Yeah, you got the point long ago, right?


Okay, again my apologies, but I'll make it quick this time. Imagine rolling over second thing in the morning, the first thing is stated above, and ramming your head into the corner of the nightstand. I don't know why I'm so close to the edge anyway, I usually sleep in the middle. Now then let's sit up and slip on our slippers, Will.

"Damn it."

Ok, what the hell? I go to get my slippers third thing in the morning and they aren't there. At this point I'm ready to kill my breakfast and eat it on the spot. It particularly sucks because my room is the only one with carpeting in this whole house, so all the other floors are gonna be cold as hell. Actually, let me take a second to check if this is even my place. Blue wallpaper with random flower prints, check. No offense, but no I'm not homosexual, I hate when people see my room and ask me that. Next, television directly three feet from the foot of the bed, check. X-Box stationed near television, yes. Hold on, are three hundred and sixty degrees of fun there? Yes, thank the lord the slipper ninjas left that. The dresser's to the left of the TV and the large unused space to the right of it. Ok this is stupid, it's obviously my room, I'm just looking for a reason not to stand and face life yet. Ok lets do this, take that first step. Oh yeah, that's it. The carpet feels so good. I'll just stand here and sink in for a moment. Ok that's enough, I'm gonna go get some food. Huh, the sound of running water? I'm not taking a shower. I walked out of my room and froze. I hated not having my slippers, this floor is fuckin' cold. I walked down the hall and stopped at the bathroom door. Yep, it was definitely my bathroom. I pressed my ear to the white-painted door. Holy crap, a woman's voice. She was singing, something about thunderbolts and lightning being very, very frightening. I stood away from the door and proceeded to the end of the hall and down the stairs, problems like these usually work themselves out right? The stairs dropped me into the living room area, the door to the house directly across the vast space. I gave the place a once over, the couch was still place on the left wall from where I stood . The big screen TV still held its position opposite the couch. My mantle still held various pictures of family and friends. It seemed that things were alright so far. My stomach told me I should continue to the kitchen, but I couldn't help but feel attached to this little space of hardwood flooring I stood upon, after all I'd stood here long enough for it to have absorbed my warmth and become quite comfortable. Somehow I had also become enamored with my beige curtains, I couldn't seem to take my eyes of them. Several seconds and maybe a few brain cells later I snapped out of it and turned around facing the door that would lead ,y to the elegant, yet rarely used, dining room that somehow smelled like it had been eaten in. Oh well, let's check this place. A moderately sized dining table, as if it wasn't obvious that there would be one, sat dead center of the room, chairs pushed in where they would remain… forever, and I'll be damned if they're ever moved from their place. Ok, I got a bit melodramatic there, but I doubt I'll ever use it. Two large cabinets stood against the wall to my back, a painting decorated the opposite wall and a window was stationed in the wall to my right, like I ever want to look outside while I eat. That reminds me, I recently put up a mirror on the wall across from the window, so that any intruders can see what kind of person they've become before the pillage my cozy abode. I walked around the table and into the kitchen. Oddly enough I walked in to the powerfully stimulating smell of breakfast. I closed my eyes and ate at the air with my nose, before wondering who could have cooked in here. Right then the shower lady reminded me of her presence through an ear piercing shriek. I nearly doubled over not only from the assault on my ears but the bombs she'd dropped on civilized music, seemed like she tried to sing the chorus of a familiar Dido song except somehow she'd managed to biologically remove the rhythm and all around beauty making it nothing, but a jumbled mass of destructive sounds. I decided to sing the rest of the song to myself and salvage what was left of it's cremated remains.

"I want to see you again…"

As a male alto I sung soprano better than her. Oh well, I suppose I can forgive her. I stared at the plate of eggs, pancakes, and sausages she'd left for me. Any more I'll feel bad for what I just said. I sat down and smelled for the scent flowing from the still warm food.

"Two weeks away… all it takes… to change and turn me around I've fallen…"

I decided to take a bite, though I wasn't expecting much. I toke a fork and stabbed the plumpest sausage on the plate. I looked at it suspiciously, it was so normal. I raised it to my lips and took a bite. As I bite into it and the flavor seeped into my mouth and cascaded over my taste buds I froze. I sat there in shock, with half a sausage in my mouth. At first I thought my stomach and mind collaborated to trick my consciousness, but after several seconds I realized that it was true. Her cooking was absolutely amazing! I wasted no time in downing the first piece of meat and proceeding to tear at the plate.

"That was fuckin' fantastic."

Just as I had finished eating, begun to melt into a euphoric state, and come to terms with her presence, she dropped another bomb on the ghost of harmony and rhythm. This time the victim was a young lady by the name of Avril. So much for her happy ending. I just remembered that I hadn't checked the kitchen over, ok a quick run through. The kitchen of average size, not big, not too small, just fine. I opened the cabinets that spanned two walls and found nothing missing besides the plate I'd just eaten out of. My spice rack was in order and the fridge hadn't been violated, breakfast was an exception. The plants on the windowsill were well and nothing was missing from the countertops. Alright that's enough now. But something feels different, as if my environment changed subtly. I had a sudden urge to run some water, wait. That's it! She's finished, now I get to see the chick who made me experience nirvana and agony at the same time, I'm glad you're here to share this experience with me. Wait, who am I talking to? Must be the eggs, I'm still on a trip.

"Will? Are you there?"

Holy shit she knows my name! Wait, would I want someone who doesn't in my house? Alright, now did I bang her or not?

"Are you downstairs? I made you breakfast."

Dammit, she's already making me breakfast, I'm in too deep! Wait, I already knew she made me breakfast, maybe I was just hoping on the off chance that the slipper ninjas left me a kind gesture. Ok this is serious now, where are my slippers?

"I'm coming down ok? I borrowed one of your shirts."

Fuck, she's wearing my clothes, there's no way out now! And she's coming downstairs, alright act natural. I jumped at the couch. Shit, where's the remote? Too late, fake it. I sat up looking at the blank big screen TV. She's here.

"Hello, sleepy head, why didn't you tell me you were awake? Did you like breakfast?"

What is her problem!? Pet names already? Is she fucking crazy? This is moving way too fast! Oh, she asked a question, she might want an answer. Okay calmly turn and say something, anything just don't sound like you don't know who she is. Wait, what's her name!? No time, act! I turned and examined the woman before me. She was seated on the couch arm and looked down at me with a smile. I started with her face, she had long blond hair that draped over her shoulders. Bright blue eyes looked down at me sincerely as if inviting to immerse myself into her being, if I should ever pursue that endeavor I should bring a gun to kill whatever makes her so unmelodic, lord knows it isn't natural. I moved down to her body, my shirt hung off her small frame, hiding her potential curves. Lower, her cream legs emerged beautifully from beneath the blue shirt. Her thighs were well toned, must have exercised often, the thick thighs flowed into well sculpted calves, nice ankles too. But, just a moment, on her feet. My world flashed red for a moment.

"Are you ok?" She asked me in a concerned tone, that I might have fallen for if I hadn't realized her treacherous ways already.

"My, uh, my slippers…"

"Oh I didn't think you'd mind. These floors just get so cold you know?"

"Cold, huh? So instead of dealing with it yourself you put on me to catch hypothermia, right!?"

"No I didn't mean for-"

"Shut up no more excuses!"

I tackled her off the couch and pinned her to the floor. I raised a fist a hammered it down at her. Again. Again. Agai- she stopped it. Suddenly my vision panned upwards and my jaw ached. She pushed me off and kicked my ribs. She tried for another. I grabbed her leg and tripped her. I reached under the couch and pulled out a putter. Ha! She's dead now! I turned back to see her raising a revolver to my face. She fired, I dove. One dodged , she cocked again. I charged, she fired. Time seemed to come to a stop. I watched the bullet and avoided it accordingly. Time warped back and I landed a swing to her skull. She fell pretty heavily. No, I'm not doing the job half-assed. I twisted her over and positioned myself over her stomach, effectively pinning her. I reached under the couch again with a handful of garlic, I stuffed it into her mouth. Next I brandished a stake from under the magical couch of death. She began to stir and fought at me when she saw the stake raised over my head. She spit out the garlic and screamed at me fangs bared. I let out a roar and brought the stake down at her. Die demon! She stopped struggling and her limbs settled. Blood flowed from the wound, soaking hr clothes. Another bitch that learned her lesson. Don't touch my slippers. I rose off her and stepped outside. I walked off the porch and marched into the sunset.

"And I'm really susceptible to cold so it helps to wear them. Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I snapped back reality.

"You seemed out of it. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Can I have my slippers?"


Well… There's chapter one. I tried my best not to make spelling errors during typing and it's really late so I don't care much for mistakes in this part. This story is the result of me taking my friend's advice. He knows who he is "Don't smash the dam, split the river". Ok I think I'll make chapters for this in the future… More likey than not I will… somehow… I like it.. Ok G'night.