It Burns

It burns
and I like it.
It makes me feel safe,
because it's all I've ever known.

I cry
and enjoy it.
In the shower,
Into my pillow,
On my boyfriend.
I'd feel dead if I didn't.

I smile
but don't mean it.
I'd rather scream and kick out,
Hurt, and be hurt.
Hate.

It lives
inside my head.
Something that makes me
feel this way.