Author's Note: If you are offended by spontanious actions, nonsense words, and lots of exciting rambling about apples and cows, then I suggest you find a different story. No, I wasn't on anything when I wrote this! This is simply the crazy, random things that pop up in my mind that I force into a cardboard box so they won't escape. But since the box is a bit full, I let out the insanity through my fingers so they could smash the keyboard and form the following stories. So there you go!

Oober Yuckems and Missy Moo

Eat Muffins


One day, in the fascinating town of Apple Ya-Ya, a chicken man named Oober Yuckems strutted along down the sidewalk with a muffin in his hand.

Now, Oober Yuckems was very famous in Apple Ya-Ya, for he had achieved many great things. He had arrived in the town only a year before the very moment I had just discussed (the one involving Oober Yuckems and his muffin) wearing a purple dress and plaide shoes. No one knew what to make of the strange man, for he was not quite a chicken, and not quite a man. He had no feathers, no beak, no tail, no wings, no red crown atop his head, and no chickeny legs. He had black hair upon his pale head and was just as normal as you, unless you are abnormal, in which case he is twice as strange. So he was, in fact, a chicken sort of man, or a rooster man, if you must.

And this chicken man-beast had arrived in the town of Apple Ya-Ya not more than a year before the moment I have had to repeat twice already (the one with Oober Yuckems and his muffin). And there it was, a third time!

So, before the moment I have repeated three times to you and I expect you know by now (the one with the chicken man and his muffin), the little town of Apple Ya-Ya had been in great need of apples. The grocery store carried bananas, spinach, turnip, squash, grapes, dookey, peaches, pears, cantalope, and even grapefruit. But never had there been a rack for apples.

Now, at this point in time, I must point out that Apple Ya-Ya was not Apple Ya-Ya, for no one had named it Apple Ya-Ya yet, and thus its name was not Apple Ya-Ya. At the point in time in which I have just pointed out (the time when Apple Ya-Ya was not, in fact, Apple Ya-Ya), which was a point in time a year before the moment I had had to repeat to you several times (the one where Oober Yuckems carried a muffin), the town of Apple Ya-Ya had no name, as I had just said, and so it was called Anonymous Town #53, for the government needed some way of mapping the town that was not yet named Apple Ya-Ya.

So, one day, in Anonymous Town #53 (also called Apple Ya-Ya, but at a later date) the citizens had been trying to figure out where to get apples. They asked everyone in town, and no one knew. They asked the mayor of the town, but he knew not what to do. They asked the mail man. They asked the fire fighter. They asked the nurse. They asked the apple orchard workers. They asked the dentist. They asked the teachers. They asked the Native Americans, who were trying to build igloos out of frog legs that the silly Frenchmen had sent them. But no one knew where to get apples. AND SO, the town of Apple Ya-Ya (which was actually called Anonymous Town #53 at this point) was very sad. This time of sadness for Anonymous Town #53 (or Apple Ya-Ya, at a different time) was known as the Apple No-No Famine of 1832 (although it happened in the year 1998).

One day during this horrible famine, a strange visitor came to town. As I said before, he was a chickeny man in a purple dress and plaide shoes. He seemed to be lost, so he asked a little monkey child where he could find a map.

"Oh, mister, I am sorry," sobbed the wee monkey beast, "but we have ate all our maps long ago, for the Apple No-No Famine of 1832 has driven us mad with hunger."

Now, this chicken man was no fool. "Ah, my dear child! There is a map in your pocket!"

She looked at him and shook her little doomed head. "No, mister, this is my lunch!"

"Why not eat a doughnut, or a cheese stroodel for lunch?" he asked curiously.

"We have none, sir, for this is the Apple No-No Famine of 1832!"

"Ah, I see! Well, if you need apples, I can tell you where to find them!"

The little chimp girl looked up, confused. A few people walking by stopped to listen.

"You say you know where the apples are, stranger?" said an elderly woman with a butterfly on her nose. "If you could show us, it would end the Apple No-No Famine of 1832 forever!"

The chicken man smiled at the thickening crowd. "Well, if all you need is apples, I will gladly share!" And with that, he took his top hat and threw it high in the air. It landed a few feet away with a little thump. Everyone anxiously gathered around it. After a few moments, it began to shake and wiggle on the cobblestone street. Suddenly, in a burst of red, apples began shooting in a high fountain from the hat, falling rapidly back to Earth and smacking several people on the head.

There was a deafening roar of applause as the town cheered and screamed, grabbing the apples up and biting into their crunchy skin. The chicken man laughed and absentmindedly threw an apple at a child's head, knocking him to his feet. The child giggled and chewed on the apple, blushing.

The elderly woman waddled over to the chicken beast, apples stuffed in her dress, her shoes, her purse, her hair. "Thank you stranger," she said happily. "What is your name?"

"Oober!" replied the man over the cries and laughter around them. "Oober Yuckems!"

"Well, Oober Yuckems, you are always welcome in our town!"

And so he was. Oober Yuckems helped the mayor rename the Anonymous Town #53, choosing to set right the name of the famine and calling it Apple Ya-Ya. And Oober Yuckems cut the red ribbon on the official day of the renaming, and was given the key to the city, which didn't actually exist, but Oober Yuckems excepted it happily. He moved into a small home above an empty business space, which he sold to a goat so the goat could open a muffin shop. And Oober Yuckems got himself a job at the library, where he was librarian twice a week.

And now, reading the title of this chapter, you may have guessed that Oober Yuckems is going to eat his muffin that he is carrying along. But who is Missy Moo? Well, Missy Moo is rightly phrased as Oober Yuckems's biggest fan and secret admirer, though she is lousy at keeping her secret very secretive. Missy Moo is a fine lady with blonde curls and big, brown eyes. She is almost always at Oober Yuckems's side, bathing in all his glory.

So now we return to the moment in time that I had had to repeat to you again and again(the one where Oober Yuckems is carrying a muffin), and now it is time to continue with it:

Oober Yuckems, holding his beautiful muffin, skipped along toward the library. Every morning he would go down to the goat's muffin shop, buy himself a nice muffin, and go to work, or where ever else he might want to be going with his muffin. He gazed down at the glorious muffin, a perfectly round top billowing gracefully out of the cylindrical muffin holder. Each blueberry gleamed in even rows of two and three, waiting happily to be devoured. He stopped skipping and sighed, breathing in the aroma of his muffin. It was the perfect muffin, and it was all his. Oober Yuckems reached down to pluck a piece off when suddenly Missy Moo came running across the road, waving her arms excitedly through the air. She nearly crashed into Oober Yuckems, who dumbfoundedly stared as she ripped off a chunk of muffin and began chewing noisely.

She looked up at him and smile, waving gleefully. Oober Yuckems stared back angrily. "Well, how'dy do, Oober Yuckems? That is one fine muffin you have there!"

Oober Yuckems's eye twitched. He snatched the muffin away from her and shoved it into his mouth, wrapper and all.

"That is one big appetite you have, Oober Yuckems!" Missy Moo said, watching him munch on the delicious muffin. "Such a shame you wasted all that muffin at one time, though. It was so perfect!"

And Oober Yuckems felt very angry, for Missy Moo had eaten his muffin. But he just shook his head and took her by the hand. "Silly, silly Missy Moo," he muttered, and they walked away into the sunset, though it was only noon...