Chapter 8

Acceptance is generally better…

Many months had passed since our wagon train had arrived in this vase empty land. Vacant fields stretched as far as an eye could see, and our little family owned all the acres a rich man could dream of. However, the endless possibilities didn't fill the void hollow spot in my heart. Though I was guaranteed property once I was wed, it still wasn't what I dreamed for, lived for. No, my dreams were beyond this property and how I longed for my dreams now more than ever.

Countless times, I looked out to where our wagon train had once travelled from. Silliness creeping in my mind of how I could ride back home, but the cons outweighed the pros, and I had to face my new life here, whether I liked it or not. Besides, no one in this generation was travelling back East, and the thought itself was silly and selfish.

"Ginavene," my mother hollered from the bottom of the stair case abruptly, interrupting all my thoughts together. I knew exactly what she wanted, and as the day was edging towards an awakening, it was time for the chores to be taken care of immediately. "Ginavene!" she called once more without missing a breath in between that horrid name, the name of the desert flower she had to so name her first daughter after.

"Yes mother," I cooed unhappily sarcastically, as I stepped gracefully down the stairs. My hair pulled back to the original half pony tail braid, the one I had always worn back at home. My pioneer bonnet tied around my neck, and draping down my back, bouncing with every step I made.

"Be a dear and help your father outside, the young ones seem to be in his way." She replied without a second thought of looking in my direction. She simply remained with her gaze towards her husband, outside slicing wood every so often after playing with the children beforehand.

After a moment, she looked back down to the heap of dough she was kneading, her hands working without missing a single rhythm to her method. My aunt June was nearby, taking the dough that was already done, and rolling them into perfect little balls side by side. After a pan was completely filled, she would cover the entire pan with a cloth before setting it aside on the kitchen table to rise.

Normally, they would have been doing other duties around the house, however this day was different than normal. Today was a special occasion, and furthermore an occasion I should have been thrilled to be part of. It was formally known as The Pretty Ladies Basket Banquet, and needless to say the title sums it up quite well. For it was a banquet for all the town folk, with games for the kids, and food for specifically the men. For you see, the men would bid upon baskets the pretty ladies, around my age, would bring, and whomever won the bid for the basket, would eat the basket contents with the lady who made up the basket.

A traveling medicine man had given the idea to the mayor, whose wife adored the idea, and thus wanted to follow suite from what other towns were doing. The brief description which indeed leads us to where we are now, with my mother and aunt working hard on all the rolls they said they would supply for those who were not bidding on baskets. As such, the money earned from today was going towards a good cause. Our town is in desperate need for a proper school house, which was the only reason I agreed to be a part of it. My hope was that a man around my father's age wouldn't win his bid on my basket. Something that was nagging on me since the idea was presented to me. However, I was lucky to have cousins around my same age that would be participating in the event as well. In a relief I wasn't the only choice from our family line.

Saying nothing in regards to my mother's last words, I swiftly went into the backyard to find my father swinging one of my sisters around in circles, listening as she giggled boastfully as he did so. My own memories attached a smile to my face as I remembered him doing that to me at one point in my life. However, I grew up too fast and now I had to be the adult now.

I called after my sisters to join me, as I traced down to the river just beyond the edge of the forest near our house. They didn't hesitate to follow as they quickly caught up with my stride, begging for me to tell them a story. I didn't know many sadly, and yet they continued. "Please, please, please?" they cooed together, breaking my solid foundation of "no" with every word out of their mouth.

"Fine, alright," I replied as I took a seat upon a fairly large boulder, my mind though was in a blank of where to start. "I have a better idea, let's start a story together. Where should our story begin?" I asked in hopes that this idea would work out for the best.

"In a forest by a lake," called out one of my younger cousins.

"Alright, and who is in that forest by the lake?" I continue to question them.

"A woman who is looking at herself in the water" my sister replied with such enthusiasm held in her voice, "She has a horse like Alfalfa and is very lonely" she added quickly before anything else could be said.

"So how about we start the story like this," I said in response, holding for a pause before beginning the story, "Once upon a time lived a beautiful young woman, who loved to ride into the nearby forest of her parents, where a lake was hidden amongst the bushes and trees. She shared these moments with her wonderful horse, Lightning, but even in the company of her horse she still felt sad and alone" I said watching as their attention was diving deeper and deeper into my words. "You see her parents were not ones to take to company lightly, and the thought of visitors visiting their land was intimidating and fearful. They would fear of the strangers causing damage to their land, robbing them of their food, or even stealing their belongings of animals or blankets. So, her parents built a strong and tall logged fence, which almost covered the whole view of the distance land. Ladders would reach the top of the fence, but it was the only way to see beyond the wall, and this was completed before the young woman was even born. She had lived within those tall walls all her life, and never knew of the out world until one day. One day she had secretly rode her horse from the front gate during the night; her parents sound asleep, and with a swift oft kick into her horse's side she freely rode into the night. She was feeling a rush of excitement overcome her, until she heard a familiar sound, the sound of a howling wolf not too far in the distance." I paused to take a breath and to think of where I wanted the story to lead to, and time seemed to be flying by so quickly with ever word that I spoke. Who knows how long we had been sitting there, but mother would not be happy if we went back later than she was expecting. In an effort to keep the children on edge, I continued the story, "Lightning was becoming skittish by the wolf's howls, which made him pick up his speed, but this was not good for our young woman who was losing control of her horse. The quickening of his pace and her unwilling hands that would not hold any tighter made her body fall into the earth below. Her body felt numb for a moment as she watched her horse ride on into the distance without her. In a moment's time, she was able to sit up, but her horse was long gone, and the howls of the wolf were getting closer, and it seemed that there were brothers that were joining in to the sounds of the night" I said at last, holding the story there until a next time would arise. "That is it for now, because we better get back to the house before mother begins to worry". Many sighs and pleads came from the children, but without acknowledging their begging, I began to head back to the house with them in toe.

"Oh good, you're back just in time dear," my mother cooed as she ushered me into the house, "your aunt has some dresses that we would like you to try on for today, and we best be hurrying because it starts in about two hours" she continued as she tugged my arm to the upstairs. There lying on the bed was four different dresses, each looking as dull and unflattering as the next. "Oh how lovely," I replied in the best manners that were possible at this point. "How about the blue one with the red trimming?" I asked, picking out the one that looked considerably the best out of the bunch.

My mother quickly took hold of the one I had chosen and held it up to my body, "Well it will do I guess, but really I think the pink flower one would have been a better choice", she replied.

It was the least flattering out of all of them, but that was my mother's eye none the less, and she had a knack for choosing and or making the most unpleasing outfits for her children.

I quickly dressed into the chosen dress, and eyed my body in the looking glass, finding that I thought I looked alright, but nothing like I wanted to look. The saloon outfits were much more pleasing and had a devilish side to them that made me feel real, not like a doll playing dress up.

"Children into the wagon, we best be heading into town," my mother called out as we began to join the rest of the family. Everyone rushing about to fill the wagon with the goodies they had made, or the baskets that would be presented at the festival. Seeing everything that was taking place was making my body suddenly nervous about the whole ordeal, and at that moment I wanted to turn on my heel and walk right back into the house. Mother wouldn't allow that at all though, and instead was pushing on my back to move towards the wagon.

The town was filled with many faces that I had previously met, but I had not felt the need to remember names, so everyone was a stranger at that point. However, everyone seemed to know my name and who I belonged to, even if I had gotten into trouble over something in the last few days. The town was small enough that everyone knew everyone and their business to go along. There was no privacy amongst the town people, and gossip was the form of entertainment for them around here.

My mom seemed to be the queen of this entertainment, and she was quite popular amongst the ladies in the town for that reason. She was soon surrounded by many overly excited women, who were acting like they haven't seen each other in years, even though it had been only a couple of days since church, but they were boasting and comparing stories in a matter of seconds with each other, and I found myself drawn to get away from their voices as far as I could. I willingly went to go place the basket I had brought up on the stage, as were many other girls. Some baskets looked pretty small and looked like they possibly held about two or three items, while other baskets were filled to the brim. The mayor's daughters was the fullest in high expectations, and her friend's baskets had tried to compare in size as well. The group wasn't too far from the stage, their eager eyes watching as the other girls placed their baskets, making a comment to one another while they watched. Smirks placed upon their faces, and criticism held hard in their features. "Oh Gina, I am honestly surprised to see the looks of you here, and even participating," the mayor's daughter, Claire, called out.

I drew a small smile on my face, but that was the extent of my response.

"Come now, are you hoping for a lover out of this?" she continued to cat call.

"I'm not like you Claire," I began, trying to be as nice as possible to that selfish little girl, "I don't need to win the heart of a man with a basket," I replied glancing over to her basket briefly before looking back her, "and especially one that is filled to the brim."

"Mine will make the most money, and that's the reasoning for this festival Gina," she replied in quick matter, her friends matching her disgust with what I had to say. Even though inside that was possibly the reason for why their baskets were so full, to attract the wealthiest men in town to love them.

I left it at that and walked far away from them as well, and I knew that their comments were going to make their rounds about me, to how I was dressed to my own basket looking horrible compared to others. It was things that would normally be said by that group, with the incentive to show what a horrible person I was from their viewpoint, and what they could tell others whether it was the truth or not.

A moment later the mayor made his way up to the podium, welcoming the town folk and expressing his gratitude of the turnout they had. "It looks like we are going to have some pretty lucky men today," he commented as he looked down that the baskets that lined the stage, "let's begin with the first basket down at the left," he said as his assistant collected that particular basket and handed it to him, "it looks like we have some pretty delicious sandwiches, apples, two cookies, and milk. Looks mighty tasty, so do we have a starting bid?"

"Five cents," called out one man, and from there the bidding grew amongst all the men.

A few moments later it was my basket's turn, and when my stomach turned into knots. Some of the men I had picked in my head had been taken, and now the choices were slim amongst whom I would have wanted to have the lunch with. "Looks like we have quite a selection in this basket, and the starting bid will be ten cents" the mayor said as he closed the lid to my basket back down.

"fifteen" called out a fairly decent looking man from the crowd, but second later the bid rose by two cents by someone else. The fight continued until the final bid of thirty cents was announced to the crowd, by one of the most interesting looking man I had seen. He wore patched brown pants with a plaid hole filled shirt, and a straw hat resting on his head. He went and retrieved his basket and looking into the crowd for who it belonged to, but I was in no hurry to make my way up to the stage, but I did so at my own pace. The mayor congratulated him by name, Mr. Fergus, and his looks seemed to be show the about the same age as my father, which made my nerves double my stomach in knots. The festivities carried on though as we walked together to the nearby park, my heart pounding against my chest, and my voice had seemed to be lost amongst all the commotion. We sat down together on the cool soft grass, and I began to distribute the starting items between us. "Looks pretty tasty, just like the mayor said" he tried to say by breaking the silence.

I had to say something now, "yes, my mother and aunt do know their way around a kitchen," I replied, not sure what else that could be said.

"Did you help at all?" he asked smoothly.

"I helped by keeping the younger children entertained, so they wouldn't messing around with things in the kitchen, so I guess in a way yes."

"Well do you know how to cook?"

Suddenly I felt weary that his questions were leading onto more than just a normal conversation. "I know something, but I am nothing like my mother or aunt," I said at last but unsure of where this conversation was going to lead to.

"That's a shame, Lucille hasn't had a decent home cooked meal since her Ma, and I was sure hoping to find someone who was as talent as Nancy was," he said as he took a big bite out of the roll in his hands.

I didn't know what to say after that except to feel sorry for his loss, "How long has it been since Nancy passed away?" I asked, possibly it was the wrong thing to say, but my mind was drawing a blank elsewhere.

"She didn't pass away," he explained, "she ran away, and hasn't been back for almost three years now."

"Oh," I replied out of instinct, leading the conversation down and even further road of awkwardness.

"She never wanted to be with me anyway, it was her daddy that forced us to get married, bless his soul." He continued as no emotion showed through with his words. He was simply telling the story without a care in the world. "Well, that was sure delicious," he said as he took the last bites of the remaining food, "Your ma and aunt sure do know how to make things taste good."

"I will pass on the compliments," I replied as I placed items back into the basket to take home. "So is that everything? Do I go back with my family now?"

"Oh no darling, I've got you for the rest of the night," he explained as he stood back onto his feet to stretch, "That's why the baskets are such a high price."

I was disappointed to hear this, but I should have asked prior to agreeing to it, "Alright, so what do we do now?" I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Well, there are many activities going on right now, and later is the dance," he announced as he helped me up to my feet, "so how about we go see the booths, and go from there?"

"Sounds good," I said though it didn't sound good at all.

Many of the booths were filled with handmade clothing of dresses, pants, or even aprons that some of the town folk had made in their spare time. One booth was filled with wood carvings, shaped in the forms of little animals, signs that had a simple saying on them, or a picture carved into the wood, which I found to be very interesting. There was a supply booth that held a bunch of odds and ends of things, even some items that the Native Americans might had made that was traded by this merchant. The medicine man was in full swing with his cart, and people surrounded him to hear of his latest and greatest medicine. "It's all a joke," Mr. Fergus said as we passed the medicine man's cart, "it's hard to believe that a small bottle about the length of my pinkie will make me look younger in days." He said at last, shaking his head in disbelief, "Don't tell Mrs. Neal that though, she has been committed to using that witchery for years now, claiming she feels a lot better because of it."

"Do you think she really has though?" I asked while trying to find the meaning behind the foolishness myself.

"Of course not, she looks and acts the same as she always has, and age is getting the best of her still."

The day was carrying on into the evening, and soon the dance would be starting in the town hall. They had spent hours clearing out the place for tonight, and most of the benches were stack outside of the building to make room. The local musicians had already begun to play their western song collections, and people were going in and out of the building to finish up the last details for tonight. I looked around and saw many of the girls from the basket contest were with their men still, some looking as uncomfortable as I was. "Well, should we head in and get in a few dances before I head home?"

That sounded like the best news yet, "Why not?" I replied as I took hold of his elbow for escorting. There was already a fairly good amount of people dancing already, which made the dancing part less awkward, being that I really didn't know how to dance in the first place, but it looked like I wasn't the only one. Mr. Fergus gently swung me around to face him at a comfortable distance, and began to lead me in the traditional dance movements of swaying side to side. He knew was he was doing, and had the experience to prove this through keeping the rhythm to the music, and guiding me with ease.

After about five songs, a couple of drinks he has taken, and continuous dancing, it had reached a time when Mr. Fergus needed to take a break out side into the cool fresh air. "It will be just a couple of minutes," he slurred as we made our way to the back of the building, "I'm not as young as I use to be." He finished as he sat down on one of the benches outside. I didn't mind the break from dancing to be honest, and welcomed the idea of not being stared down by anyone else in the room during the process. "You can join me, you don't have to stand there the entire time," he said as he patted the empty space next to him. I hesitated for a moment before I took a place on the bench, but kept a safe distance. He was making more suggestive comments during the last few moments, and I was getting nervous with is condition. Before the drinks he had seemed like a really great guy to get along with, but now his whole persona was changing, and it wasn't for the best. "Nancy… Nancy wouldn't have done anything like this with me," He began as he tried to keep his words in order, "she would have probably been out the door sooner if I hadn't of disciplined her."

"Disciplined her?" I asked cautiously, and then there was a part of me that just didn't really want to know, the weakest part of the two.

"I whipped her, she wanted to leave to be with him, and she didn't love me, saying she never had, so I whipped her." He said as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "It felt good."

I suddenly understood why she ran away, and worst of all he had a daughter living with him, this thought automatically made me cringe of how his daughter looked, and if she was being beaten as well.

"And Lucille, do you ever hit her?" I asked in a calm and collected matter, trying to hide the built up anger that was growing inside of me from that news.

"Lucille is a good girl, I never have hit her once," he replied honestly, looking over towards me through drowsy eyes. "She makes me happy in any way that she can, but she just isn't enough for me anymore," He said as he took hold of my arm.

It all happened so quickly and I knew at one point I was fighting back with everything I had in me, but before I knew what was going on he had wrapped his arms around my body and covered my mouth. In a matter of seconds we were in the depths of the forest, dirt surrounding my body as he threw me to the ground. I quickly tried to spring to my feet but his reactions were too quick and tackled my wanting to flee body back into the dirt. His legs pressed against my arms as he held onto both of my wrists with one hand. His other hand wrapped a piece of fabric around my mouth and another piece around my hands, binding them together tightly. He soon retreated to undoing his pants as quickly as he could. When he had accomplished this in a matter of seconds, he scooted himself down my body until he was sitting on my legs, making my kicking motions useless. In a sickening and slow way, he moved his hands to underneath my dress, pulling down effortlessly the under garments I was wearing to my knees, unclothing me without a second thought of what he was doing. He had his goals of what he wanted to do with me and the tears and gagging muffled pleas for him to stop was not fazing him. My bare skin could feel the twigs and dirt beneath me, and the rest of my dress was tucked up against my chest. This was it; this was the moment when my innocence would be gone forever. I felt his penis glide across my own area waiting for it to go in with force, but a gunshot echoed through the night before anything else went on.