"I hadn't thought of that…" I whispered quietly, biting my nails nervously all the while avoiding his gaze that was surely on me. I could feel his eyes boring into me, not sure if he'd rather run away or yell at me for 'being careless'. It's not my fault entirely; I didn't know what I was doing. I hardly knew what was running through my mind at the time. Everything had just fizzed out; leaving me in complete oblivion.
After a few moments I heard him heave a heavy sigh, it brought me back to reality.
I lifted my eyes carefully and immediately scooted away, knowing full well what he was about to do. Like I had expected his striking forest green eyes snapped up to me. I flinched, as usual. With no more room to back up I was cornered and he was furious even with the calm façade he had put on.
"I can't believe your carelessness." His voice was gentle, yet firm and 100 silky. It frightened me to the ump degree. I felt my heart beat pick up slowly and then faster as he made his way closer to me. Even though there were over forty people in the house at the moment that didn't faze him at all. He knew they were downstairs, he knew the risk of being caught and most importantly he knew it was dangerous, especially for him.
"You're going to get rid of it." He whispered soothingly next to my ear and I was sure he could hear my heart pounding rapidly in my chest; for God's sake I could feel it in overdrive. Not being able to concentrate on anything else but my heart pulsing in my ears I didn't notice Andre kissing me until he bit my lip hard enough to knock me out of my thoughts and back into reality. My jaw dropped in reflex and he succeeded in getting what he wanted. He always did.
There was no reason to fight back anymore.
None at all…
I worked like a robot, moving mechanically with every gesture he made. It was like he had trained me. Trained me like a bitch.
I kept these thoughts to myself, not daring to let the wind carry them away to the public. Oh no, I'm much smarter then that even if I do let him control me like a doll. He is the puppeteer and I the lifeless marionette.
He hadn't stopped until a set of feet rushed down the hall warningly. I dropped my gaze to the hard wood floors as Andre got to his feet and offered me his hand. I ignored it. His Armani clad arm fell to his side gracefully as he crouched down in front of me. He readjusted the position of my chin so I had to look him in the eyes against my will, nothing I did would make him stop. He was going to be there pulling on my strings my entire life until I did something about it…if I ever did anything about it.
I won't be free until he's dead, or until I am.
I was careful not to hold any expression on my face, a talent I value to no end. It keeps me distant from everyone else. The only way I can be distant from Andre.
Eyeing me closely through the thin shield of dark ebony hair Andre had an expression on his face as if he were calculating something. Trying to figure me out. But I won't let him. No, I never will. My mind is my refuge. My mind will not be penetrated. My mind is all my own, my only own.
Deciding his presence wasn't valued nor wanted here he stood up after planting a gentle kiss to my forehead. His movements were silent and fluid, like a dancer's. I stared after him jealously. He's so… perfect, with one major imperfection.
A major imperfection, a very well hidden imperfection but one so major he'd be ruined if anyone found out. Which is why they won't, because I won't tell them.
I won't let him be ruined, I won't let his future crash and burn because of me and I won't let anything get out. No…nothing will get out.
I bit my lower lip and patted my abdomen gently, glaring down at it with hatred. "You evil little thing…"
'You're going to get rid of it.'
His words ran through my mind like a pinball machine mercilessly.
A knock sounded at the oak wood door and I got to my feet lazily, not at all up to going back down to the party as instructed by Mommy dearest. It didn't surprise me when she came into the room either; she needed me down at the party. She needed to show me off to Daddy's employees, co-workers, and employers.
Mommy's golden hair reflected the light beautifully just as beautifully as her diamond necklace did. "Come on now sweetheart, Father is going to announce his successor." Her smile was so genuine and angelic, so untainted by sin. Again I stared with jealously, but I dare not show it. No, I dare not.
I followed Mommy down the grand staircase well aware of all eyes on me but particularly keen to a certain gem like gaze I knew all too well. Mommy held my wrist so as I wouldn't wonder off too quickly before she announced me correctly to the old and the wealthy. I looked up as Daddy came to stand beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder firmly, his other hand occupied with a glass of sherry. A glass of sherry I wouldn't mind downing at the moment.
"Everyone," Daddy called them to attention "This is my angel of a daughter," everyone smiles with 'awe' at his use of language as Daddy and Mommy look down at me with caring eyes and gorgeous smiles on their faces, "Sophia."
I smiled politely to the crowd as I took my seat in front of the baby grand piano in the ballroom where I was to play a few pieces I had practiced every day since I was five. The keys were always harder to get to with short arms, but now that I was older everything was in reach. Just like my life. Every opportunity was put on a silver platter to me, every opportunity but freedom. No, Andre had that silver platter welded shut and thrown in the bottom of the Pacific. Yes, right where everything had started.
Once I was finished I was ready to go to bed, to get away from the attention but Mommy caught my wrist once again and I winced slightly as she pressed down on the bracelet that dug into my sore wrist. I relaxed a little under her commanding gaze and waited through the small speech Daddy went through. Talking on and on about his successor, I didn't have to listen to it—I knew it all by heart. Hearing it being practiced and having it said so many times after dinner in the parlor. It was a lengthy speech to just announce his successor but there's Daddy for you. Over the top Daddy, being so over the top got him to where he is now.
I didn't pay attention when Mommy smoothed out my dress. The a-line chiffon dress with ruffles down the middle made me look like a little girl. Made me look like Daddy's little girl—or Andre's. Yes, I was Andre's little girl, Andre's little play toy, Andre's little hobby—Andre's little cousin.
"Everyone, meet your future employer, co-worker, friend, the son I never had—my nephew, Andre Giordano." Everyone erupted into applause as my puppeteer made his way to my father, shaking his hand and laughing without a care in the world. It made me green with envy, red with anger and white with helplessness. I ripped my wrist out of Mommy's grip and didn't stay to see her expression; she wouldn't argue in front of a crowd, she was brought up to hold this 'perfect' appearance in front of everyone. Just like Andre.
Mommy turned me around on the staircase—surprising me to no end. I stared at her blankly, "What is the matter with you?"
"Nothing!" I yelled, not caring if I caused a scene, not caring when the eyes drifted from Andre to Mommy and me. Yes, I was taking the attention from Andre—just to spite him. Little prick.
I glanced to the side and saw Andre's face flood with anger. Hah. Yes, I'm stealing the attention from you Andre, you attention-whore. That you are.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed, turning my attention back to Mommy. To be honest I didn't know what she had said, I just wanted to end the scene right there and then so I turned on the heel of my $675 Christian Louboutin shoe courtesy of Auntie Tina and ran the rest of the way upstairs and to my bedroom. Of course my running was impaired being in three and a half inch heels. It was more of a rush.
I ignored the pounding of footsteps behind me, even the calls of my name by none other then Andre—the controller of my life. The boy with enough influence to steer the Giordano & Harsens Company to do world marketing.
I ignored it right up until I was flipped around and pushed up against the wall by that influential boy. You can't ignore pain when you're sober. Believe me, I've tried. "What the hell was that all about?" His voice was calm and furious. Furious…but calm.
"You wouldn't understand." I answered simply, holding his gaze bravely. After a minute of thinking and deciding it wasn't worth the words Andre pushed his body against mine, pinning me to the wall with his hips and eyes. I felt the pull in my abdomen and the warmth coiling itself around my core seductively. My body betrayed me, once again.
I felt myself wanting it just as much as I knew I didn't. My body overpowered my mind, obviously not caring if I consciously didn't want it. His lips molded against mine perfectly, soft as silk and dangerous as a nuclear bomb. His slightly rough hands found their way under my dress and to the insides of my thighs where I was more then ready for him. His smirk indicated he was quite happy to find that out but slightly disappointed to find a thin piece of cotton separating his hand from what was rightfully his.
I tried to move away but only succeeded in finding out he was just as turned on as I was as his member pressed against my leg and I found myself in the familiar cycle that repeats over and over again, the cycle I call my life.
I found myself being tossed on an over sized bed with imported sheets and duvets, underneath Andre and gripping his shoulders passionately, trying to keep my moans to a minimum.
"Oh Sophie…" I heard his pants and moans and replied with my own, not being able to do more then focus on the pleasure flooding into me. No, Andre wasn't my cousin now, he wasn't my puppeteer, he wasn't my sworn enemy or the world's future—he was my lover.
My back arched, my hands gripped the head board and I was painfully aware of the kisses being placed on my chest and abdomen along with the bruises forming on my hips, even more so of the bruises from the previous nights Andre bedded me. I controlled my breathing as Andre collapsed on top of me, supporting himself on his forearms and resting his head on my bare chest listening intently to my heartbeat.
I was too preoccupied to even pay attention to him until he planted a kiss on my lips sweetly. I didn't cry anymore after he finished. I didn't curl up into a ball. I didn't avoid his gaze—I craved his gaze. My eyes were dry and I spread out as if I owned the place. I was a princess. A god be damned princess and Andre was the one to treat me so. Yes, he was. He did everything I asked of him, he guarded me from rumors, and he protected me from my parents and watched out for me, as any older cousin should.
I held his green gaze with my amber one as I controlled my breathing, well aware of his ever so flickering gaze to my chest and back to my lips and eyes. His eyes lingered on my torso more then appropriate but he didn't speak of it. Instead he kissed me sweetly and rubbed the back of his hand gently up and down my cheek. "Oh Sophia…my sweet, angelic, darling Sophia."
I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand as it cupped my cheek tenderly, "You are my world, did you know that?" I nodded gently at his words, "You are my baby cousin of only fourteen…holding our baby."
My eyes flickered open precariously at his different tone of voice, he still had that twinkle in his eyes but his tone was different. I saw something shine out of the corner of my eye and I turned my head to view it better. My eyes widened and my heart pounded. The sharp dagger reflected the dim light elegantly, dangerously.
I turned back to Andre and looked at him like the scared child that I was, my eyes watering and my lips quivering. "Oh Sophia, sweet, beautiful Sophia…"
"What are you going to do?" I watched his eyes as they glinted with sadness but filled with lust and love. I couldn't comprehend what he was thinking but I knew damn well what he was going to do. I even thought of doing it.
"But…I love you." My voice shook just as my whole body was, lying underneath Andre's warm, muscled physique. He planted a light feather like kiss to my lips, "I love you too…Sophia."
And with those words the sharp dagger disappeared from view and I felt a pain growing in my abdomen with warm liquid seeping onto my sides. I didn't scream. I didn't struggle. I cried. I cried and prayed for my soul. I flinched when the knife came out but plunged back in with brute force and my body shook dangerously as the golden sheets filled with crimson liquid, the same golden sheets wrapped around my body with blood splattering across Andre's chest and on my face.
He didn't let me see his eyes one last time. He looked away after the fifth strike before throwing the knife to the side and crawling on top of me. "I'm sorry…" His angelic voice apologized quietly and I saw my vision blacken, my mind not forming any coherent thought except how much I loved Andre.
I loved to hate you…Andre…