AN- Really strange story... No idea where it came from. Oh well. I hope you like this chapter. Please review! Thank you!
Chapter 1- Still a virgin
I should leave. I really should. This is not my apartment. That is not my roommate who is lying on the bed and where are my god damn pants? Jesus Christ, I blame the liquor. I am so killing Ren for spiking my drink. I sure as hell did not order a rum and coke.
I know what your all thinking; That stupid man-whore! He just had a one night stand! Yeah well, fuck you. I did not have sex. I am a virgin and strangely proud of it. Ren may have spiked my drink but it wasn't that much. I still remember last night and it didn't even include a drunken make out scene. Though I was driving. Dammit. I'm so going to hell.
"Nnngghh…" The sleeping man is awakening. I freeze from trying to grab all my clothes and feel his eyes on my back. I swallow.
"Who… are you?" The guy asks groggily. I awkwardly turn around. Oh this is wonderful. My non-one-night-stand-guy is staring at me half-naked (I managed to find my pants, now I need a damn shirt!) and I'm like a deer in headlights. Gah, Fun!
… Oh! Theres my pants!
"I'm leaving," I answer as I throw the shirt on. I throw on my shirt and make a run for the door. Oh… bad move. Hangover plus physical exertion equals… really… bad… headache.
I'm doubling over trying to will myself not to throw up. Oh joy! Whoever the hell it is back there is looking at me. I can feel his eyes on me.
"I had sex with a kid?" The guy grumbles in a disbelieving voice. I want to glare at him but am a little to hunched over to do so. Ok first of all, I am not a kid. I'm nineteen and while I'm young, I am not a kid. Secondly, I did not have sex with you. Thirdly, what right do you have to call me a kid? Your not that much older then me!
…Or are you?
I look over at the guy and actually look at him. No he's not that much older then me. He's probably in his late twenties from what I can see. Whatever. My head ache has gone away so, once again I'm running for the hills. I don't take a breath until I'm out of the door and speeding away from his apartment.
What was I doing with that guy if we weren't having sex? I found him past out on the floor. Being drunk and the strange charity giver that I am, I made him wake up and tell me where he lives so I could drive him home. Then I did so (drunkenly, and I'm not condoning what I did) and when he couldn't walk up to the second floor to do so, I helped him. Then I drunkingly agreed to take a shower before I leave and sober up, right before I passed out in the bathtub… with the water running. Jesus, now I'm pretty sure I have a bump on my head and a cold. Yay.
My phones ringing. I'm too lazy (and poor) to buy ringtones so I just pick them off the phone. Right now it sounds like some strange eighty's techno porn music. Yay porn music.
"Will! Where the fuck have you been?" Ren is shouting. Oh good. She was worried about me. Serves her right for serving me alcohol, bitch.
"I've been selling myself on the street for some hot STDs," I snap. "What the hell kind of question is that?"
"Well you weren't at the bar last night and your car was gone… and fuck! Don't act as if this is my fault."
"It is your fault. Under normal circumstances I would not stick vodka in my pepsi."
"Right back atcha!"
I love Ren.
"So where are you now?" I ask. This is how we are. We bitch and get over it. Love, love, love.
"I'm still at the bar," She says. "Remember you drove me here right? You and your pathetic little Toyota echo that runs over blind pedestrians?"
"I've never run over Derek. And so what? With all those sluts you hang out with, one of them has to have had whore themselves out enough to buy a car."
"Its not buying a car anymore, its paying for the gas." Is her clever retort. "Can you just pick me up please? There's some suspicious looking guys flashing fifties and I really don't want to be raped."
I bit back a very sarcastic and incredibly rude comment which Ren would probably egg my car for and agree. After hanging up, and manuevering to the bar, I pick up a sullen green haired stick I know as Ren.
"Jesus, can you take any longer?" She snaps and puts her feet up on the dashboard. I hate her.
"Bite me. You got me drunk so stop complaining."
"Please tell me you got laid."
"I wasn't that drunk." I really don't want to tell Ren some guy thought he had sex with me. That would be just as bad as actually having sex… minus the whole 'did I get a STD' thing and 'I lost my virginity to a complete stranger' thing.
Ren looks put out. I glare at her. "When the hell has my sex life been any of your business?"
"Your always so… asexual. Its quiet endearing…"
"Oh come on Will! Everyone thinks you're a unik."
"Fantastic." This morning just gets better and better.
"You should at least make out with someone."
Ew no. I made out with someone once. It was awful. I felt like someone was trying to use their tongue to yank out my tonsils. As great as that was I think I'll have to pass.
"I am not going to any more parties with you," I announce. Ren turns to me all doe eyed, and innocent, looking like I just told her I kill puppies.
"Why?" She whines.
"Because I don't want to be date raped because your worried about my personal life." Which would totally happen because this is the green haired little she-devil we're talking about here.
I drive us back home… yes our home. Not just Ren and I live here though. So do seven other people. We all put forth the rent so we can live in this house… its more like a fraternity and a sorority but whatever. It's a nice house. We all keep it clean… or else. There are more then a few times when I accidently find somebodies thong in my bed but that is on purpose so whatever.
"We're home!" Ren announces. I cring and glare at her. Stupid hangover and stupid bitch.
"Ren's here! Toast to that!"
"YAY!" There is shouting coming from the other room… the kitchen I think. Good, I don't have to face anyone. I can just sneak upstairs and no one will notice…
"Will's here too!"
"Sir William the unik is here!"
"Horray for his virgin ass!"
Oh here we go… let the beatings begin.
"Will! Where are you?"
I freeze. That would be Linoli. She got lost in a laundry basket once, the poor dear.
"He's in the entrance Linoli!"
Ah, Harrison. I thought that dick had foot ball practice. Oh well. He's ok… when he's not conspiring against me.
"Not for long. We all know he's going to run for his room as soon as he can."
Derek. He's blind and black and plays the piano so girls swoon for him. I don't blame them. He's got this whole Ray Charles thing working for him and its hot. Ray Charles is hot. Mmmmm…
"Don't worry. I put Charlotte's garder and thong in his bed. He'll come out sooner or later screaming."
"I can hear you Nick."
"Excuse me?" Charlotte. She's a Christian… with a piercing. You don't want to know where.
"EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU!"
Nows a good time for an escape. I make a mental note to throw out Charlotte's underwear out of my room before I lock the door. However I barely take a step forward when Ren trips me.
"What was that?" That sounds like Shanti. She's one of the few girls I know that aren't slutty. Charlotte acts like a slut but doesn't do anything. She only acts to piss off her strict Mormon parents after she converted. Ren just hangs out with a lot of whores while Linoli is just… naïve. All the guys that are respectable and know her, watch out for her sake.
"That is the sound of a dying virgin." Nick.
"I'm sorry Nick, don't you have the morning shift for your night time job?" Charlotte.
"You silly. If it were a night time job I wouldn't work in the morning."
"You do know how stupid you are right?" Charlotte
"Can the both of you get married and get it over with?" That would be me.
"He speaks!" Nick.
"So you really are here Will." Shanti.
"No…" Insert shifty eyes.
"Then who is it?" Nick.
"Oh… is that why you're a virgin?" Nick.
"I gave him a drink and he still came back a virgin. I pity you Will." Ren.
"Bitch. Next time I'm leaving you at that bar to get raped."
"WILL!" Linoli finally found me. She managed to knock me on to the ground and is in a very compromising position on top of me. Her long blonde with black streaked hair is dangling in my face and I'm choking.
"I was so worried when you two didn't come home last night," She says looking all puppy dog like. I managed to get her to get off of me and let me stand up.
"Blame Ren. She's the one who put GHB in my drink."
"She put GHB and your still didn't get laid?! That's it, your SUPER virgin," Nick is shouting. I glare in the direction of the kitchen.
"Yeah, I mean Will's hot. Anyone would want him." Ah Derek. What a great friend.
"Yes, but the stunning awesomeness of his virginity managed to repel all pedophiles."
"Um Nick, Will's nineteen."
"So? He looks like he's fifteen. Maybe if he'd eat something…"
"That's it. I have a headache and I'm hung over and you people AREN'T HELPING!" Wow, yelling makes my head hurt.
"Let me guess. Your going to sleep in your room until you have work and then your still not going to eat anything?" That would be Harrison, conspiring against me once again. Just because he eats like he's on steroids doesn't mean we all do.
"Exactly," Is my clever retort. Seriously calling me anorexic isn't going to make me come out of my hole.
"Come into the kitchen or we'll… we'll…" Nick is trying to come up with something to threaten me with. Great, they are all conspiring against me. I catch Ren's eye and she raises an eyebrow at me. I wait till she's good and comfortable before making a mad dash up the stairs.
"He's getting away!" Ren shouts. Fucking traitor.
I'm almost all the way up the stairs before I feel Harrison's strong grip on my ankles. I do the only thing I can in this situation; I cry rape.
"C'mon Will, you need to eat!" Did I mention Harrison is a football player? Yeah which means my skinny ass is nothing compared to his well toned one. He effortlessly throws me over his shoulder and hauls me into the kitchen. I'm a limp rag doll because I'm trying not to throw up.
"Yay everyones here!" Nick shouts in my ear. "And we have real food!"
Harrison swings me around because… well I don't know, for good measure? Suddenly the final member of our household comes into view. He's pale with black hair and a black t-shirt. Right now that bastard is smiling at me.
"Hey Will," Sam smirks at me. I flip him off.
"All right Will, we're going to sit down and eat," Harrison says as he sits me on a chair and frowns at me. "All of us. Not all of us can live off of photosynthesis," for that one I stick my tongue out, "so just bare with us normal humans."
As Harrison leave Derek and Shanti sit next to me. Derek's wearing his sunglasses as usual and Shanti's got this thing on her forehead. The girls always been very proud of her Indian Heritage.
"So hangover?" Derek asks me knowingly. Even though he's blind I feel like he can see straight through me.
"No shit," I grumble and sulk in my chair. I want to go to bed.
"Hey, no swearing at the table," Charlotte snaps and flicks my head. I groan in pain because she just so happened to pick the single greatest place to hit. "Hey, where'd you get that bump on your head?"
Everyones looking at me, including Ren. They are all reading into it. I can see their thoughts now like reading a neon sign above their heads; He was being screwed so hard he hit his head on the wall…
"I slipped on a drunk outside of the bar," I wrote it off. Everyone looked away uninterested but Ren lifted and eyebrow at me.
"Which remind me. You never told me where you were this morning." Everyone's interested again. I roll my eyes.
"I went and took a nap in a dumpster," I lied but I'm pretty good at it.
"Are you sure?" Nick is right in my face like eye to eye. I groan and push his face away from mine.
"Yes, now can we eat?" I say and everyone looks at me with raised eyebrows. "Sorry guys, I know how disappointing it is to you but I'm still a virgin."
After a minute they finally believe me and go on with what they were doing. Well this gives me interesting ideas. Maybe instead of buying presents for eight different people for Christmas, I'll just have sex with someone… right whatever.